Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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drew4lostluv 09/07/2014

Hey guys. I haven't posted in a long time here.
I'm back because I am cleaning out my house.
I've gotten rid of a lot of things that didn't really mean anything to me.
I was going through a junk room and I found my wife's wedding dress.
I don't really know what to do with it.
I feel shame when I think of getting rid of it.
I need to do something with it but I have no idea what.
This is the first thing that was so important to the both of us that I've thought about getting rid of.
If I put it away in the attic rodents will probably eat it or the extreme heat and cold every year will dry rot it.
It's been a little over a year since her death.
I don't want to forget her.
I just want to move forward.
With most things it's easy, with others it's hard.
I would like some idea of what to do with it.
For right now I guess it will stay in the closet.
Is it wrong of me not to want a memory like that around the home,To throw it away like it was just a dream and move on?

I can never forget her but I like to have memories of her around that proves that she existed.
It feels like I'm throwing her away in a way.
I want to respect her memory.
I don't know what to do.

Scouserboots 09/07/2014

This is something I have been thinking about too. I am not sure what to do with my wife's wedding dress, it is important to me, but I have been thinking about donating the dress and my own clothes I wore for the wedding, I know there is no one else to give the dress to and I would rather it be used by someone that needs it, rather than give it to someone that will never appreciate what it means. I have yet to decide and I really don't feel able to do anything like that yet, need time to consider things. I do believe what matter the most in the life we had with our spouses are the memories, because that is all I can hold onto that seems to bring me comfort of some sort.

mrsEmm2 09/07/2014

I think it's nice to keep objects around that trigger nice memories of our loved ones but having a wedding dress stashed away someplace isn't really going to accomplish that. I would donate it. I've also heard of people having something made out of the material, such as a pillow, christening outfit, table runner, etc. Whatever you decide, don't feel guilty, I'm sure your choice will be a thoughtful one.

drew4lostluv 09/07/2014

Thanks for your replies. I guess I will donate it. Thanks for your comments.

LubaLuba 09/07/2014

I think that if you want to move on, it's better not have the dress around, it will only make things worse... I look at my husband's things and just cry. I think it might be a good thing to give it to a new bride, someone who can't afford a dress... and it will bring happiness to someone else. I think your wife would like to make someone happy.
Good luck and be strong.

jewells1 09/07/2014

Maybe consider having some parts used to make a pillow or a framed montage? It's hard to explain whatt I am thinking but if you know some one that could use ideas like these?

http://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=wedding+dress+keepsake&term_meta[]=wedding|autocomplete|0&term_meta[]=dress|autocomplete|0&term_meta[]=keepsake|autocomplete|0

jewells1 09/07/2014

I like the bear on that page....Maybe?

jewells1 09/07/2014

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/136656169912988669/

npc4204 09/07/2014

Jewells,

I wish I still had my wedding dress, the bear and the jewelry are wonderful ideas!

But if someone doesn't have a daughter or niece to give the gown to, I think donating it is a very nice gesture.

doyew 09/07/2014

I donate lots of clothes to Good Will or a similar agency. They deal with people who have very little money - or none to spare. You are not going to forget your wife and the dress would probably bring great happiness to someone else. Just a thought.

Rainbow27 09/08/2014

What a wonderful idea to donate the wedding dress! What about a military base where they might use or need a dress for a future bride? I haven't donated too many clothes yet. I was having a real hard time even opening his closet and looking at his clothes and it brought so much pain. It will be six months since he passed and know I must move forward. yesterday, I snapped a picture of his clothes hanging in the closet and I thought it might be easier to let go now.

BandiBlue 09/08/2014

NICU Helping Hands is an organization that uses donated wedding dresses to make "angel gowns" for families whose babies have passed away. It's a loving gesture toward those whose overwhelming grief makes selecting infant burial clothing so painfully difficult. Here's the Helping Hands website with information on how to go about donating:

http://www.nicuhelpinghands.org/lend-a-helping-hand/angel-gowns/

drew4lostluv 09/08/2014

Bandblue thank you so much for that suggestion.
I want you to know that my son was 3 months premature and we were so scared for so long. Sitting and wondering if our child was going to die. We witnessed people losing their child and that made us worry that much about our own.
I felt so much sorrow for them but at the same time relief that my son was still here. He's 2 and a half now. He's doing great. I just wanted you to know how significant your suggestion was. Thank you.
I thank everyone else for their replies as well.

sassiesoftail 09/08/2014

Here's my 2 cents. If you have a child I would save the dress.
Tim and I got married young, we celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary 8 days before he passed.
I kept and still have my wedding dress. We did not have daughters only 2 son's. I have 2 Granddaughters and if they do not want to wear the dress I hope it will be passed down to future generations. It does not take up much room.
Hugs, Sandi

stormanchor 09/08/2014

We have a major medical facility in our community which collects gowns as an on-going fund raiser for families facing mounting medical costs for care. The NICU Helping Hands Angel Gowns sounds (and looks) like such a beautiful idea, too. But, my heart is with Sandi, and saving it for the hope of a nostalgic granddaughter downline (or her grandson's bethrothed!) who's looking for that tie to the family. I put my husband's military uniforms, my wedding dress, our children's christening and communion clothes away in some of those beautiful boxes out there now, set them aside with our boxes and boxes of photos and films and videos and casettes and CD's and computers disks and the tapes and the cloud storage and whatever else we've got to keep track of, and so be it. I feel like half our history left with my husband; I'm hanging on to the rest. The kids will keep what has meaning for them in time; til then, I'll keep what has meaning for me. It's a win/win. However, I may never BUY another thing or ACCEPT another gift!! Where exactly did all this stuff come from anyway?? Stormanchor

deleted_user 09/08/2014

You guys are so amazing with all your ideas. You've given me so much to think about. I want to save my dress but then again, if no one in my family wants it then making something else out of it is such a great idea.

I love the bears. I think I'll make each daughter [2] and each granddaughter [5] a bear and then they can pass it down to their daughters. I love this idea.

I have a real project now finding someone who can do it!

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