I hate to being the bearer of bad news. But the same thing happened to me. I was good, okay, and even functional. Then at about 9 months I crashed big time.
I do hope this does not happen to you, but be prepared.
Hugs, Sandi

I have gone through several periods of being ok since losing my husband of 35 yrs in August of last year. I too feel guilty every time I go through that feeling ok, but I too must say after an episode of ok, I usually crash big time for several days. All I can say is roll with the waves as they come and don't make any big decisions right now. I'm afraid you have more miles to travel on this grief road. I wish you well.
Robyn

Is there something that happened that caused you two to crash? Does it just randomly happen?

If any one has a great definition of OK i would like to know what it is!
Seems I cannot get a sufficient handle on it but I know know the past is done, I cannot modify or change it and my charge in life now is to enjoy it the best I can. Am I still occasionally sad? Hell yes but I can no longer let that define who I am and I cannot let it control my future. I now work to keep the positive mental attitude I so often speak of and I know is of ultimate importance for our growth and future happiness.I wish all my DS friends to look deep into that glass and remember the wishes of growth and happiness wished for you. Big hug to all and I really hope this makes sense to all in the growth journey. In my case tax time just brought it all together and made me look at my hole card and really wake up to the fact that for my growth I have to progress forward and I fully intend to do so. I'm living my life for me for the first time in my life and I'm reching for the brass ring and will not be detered in my quest. If not now then when? If not NOW then it will be never! Wrong answer for me at this stage of my life. Too much to live for folks. Dewman

It is never anything specific. The other day I was in a tanning bed and a song came on and there I was in tears.
It's been 17 months and It still happens, not as much but it does happen.
Just remember to take care of yourself and If you feel a crash coming roll with it, let it happen.
Hugs, Sandi

Feeling OK is nothing to feel guilty about. Everyone grieves in their own way, for different lengths of time, etc. Don't EVER let anyone make you feel guilty!! Grieving is a hell of a hard process, but we all have to get through it in way that is best for us. Some cry and grieve for years, some for months and some for weeks. There is no right or wrong way. Every situation is different. Personally, I am not a crier but that does not mean that I miss my husband any less than someone who cries a lot. Please be OK with feeling OK.....OK? AZ hugs to you.

Good lord when I'm at work I used to call my wife all the time people always asked what do you guys talk about?? My answer was everything and anything. ..I was always joking with people. ...now someone comes up trying to get me to laugh...when my guard is down I do laugh...and feel guilty then I just remember her laugh I could make laugh all the time anytime. ..she would love for me to be the man she knows I am ..so I try not to feel guilty at least laughing gets my head clear even if it is only for a moment

In the midst of a rough patch that I didn't see coming & I'm not sure of the source. I figured I did all I could and that death is part of life and no one gets out alive. I did all the compartmentalizing and felt I was controlling the beast.

I'm not a zombie and I'm functioning but after 3 months it is getting harder, not easier. I am not resisting the waves of sadness that have been washing over me lately but am continuing to be humbled by the level of grief I'm absorbing.

THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS. I am the same way. I feel like I am doing good, but almost felt guilty. Like I wasn't doing things "right". My husband of 38 years passed away almost 3 months ago and I know it is early in my grief journey but I have pulled myself up by the bootstraps with the help of amazing friends and family and seem to be doing just fine. Granted there are times when I get a little teary eyed, mostly when I find something unexpectedly while cleaning, etc. I have had a few good cries, but that was earlier on.

I have the paperwork pretty much wrapped up, all thank you's written, and am looking forward to spring even though our anniversary and his birthday are both in the spring. I still wear my wedding ring on my left hand too and talk to him daily. I am cautiously optimistic in thinking that, like you, simplytracy, I am going to make it. I have cleaned out his clothing from the closet and dresser as that kind of bothered me. I do have one drawer saved and full of his keepsakes and another for all the cards I received from the funeral.

I am at peace with his passing as he had several health issues and he and I had always talked about what to do in those final decision making moments. In fact he was the one that pulled his oxygen off and said he didn't want it anymore, he was done. We did put him on life support for almost 24 hours because the doctors wanted to run some more tests because they didn't understand why he went downhill so fast. He had worked on Friday, went to the hospital on Saturday and was gone Tuesday morning.

So THANK YOU for posting this. I was afraid I was the only one feeling this way. I know a "crash" may come in the future, maybe not. I am a smiling, jovial, optimistic, we-can-do-this kind of midwest gal and have been all my life and I think that is helping me more than anything, (along with my family) right now through this.

Darling . . . no guilt please. You are in the throes of insulated denial which is a part of the initial grief process. I often think these are some of the better stages . . those when we are simply numb or considering all to be okay. We are in shock.

You are absolutely right, grief is differing for everyone of us here. However, there are commonalities, perhaps differing in time-lines.

No need to over think where you are at present. Simply try to "be" with your thoughts and emotions without comparison to others' or what you think you may or may not should be feeling right now.

It's all okay, to reiterate your "okay".

Be gentle with self, take care of "you" . . . warm hugs, Dayna

It's 22 months for me and I do get teary every single day. I talk to myself all the time and I find myself talking to Morey too!

I'm at the "anger" stage now but know that that can change on a dime.

Over these many months my moods have swung high, low and in between.

One thing I know for sure is that I miss him more today than yesterday but my psyche is handling it much, much better!

Roz ;o)

All my friends and family thought I was "handling" everything so well in the early months--and so did I. I came to understand that our emotional "wiring" is similar in many ways to our physical pain sensors. When we experience an excruciating physical pain, sometimes initially we don't really feel it because the pain "circuit breakers" so to speak have cut off the feeling of pain. The same happens with emotional pain. Somehow our bodies shut off the depth of the emotional pain for awhile but it eventually comes, sometimes in small doses and sometimes in waves that knock us down. Thank goodness for that--I would not have survived experiencing it all at once. Am slowly recovering but at 2 years I am still very weak emotionally. This is a long healing process and we need to be grateful for the periods of respite whenever they come.

Thank you all so much for your input.There are just some things I don't want to burden friends and family with. Also, they don't necessarily understand even though they mean well.

I'm glad I'm here with you fine people to share stories and advice.

My sister-in-law pushed me to find a group. She meant a face to face group, but I found this group instead and I'm sure glad I did.

Irs55-Everybody keeps telling me I'm so strong, but deep down I don't feel so strong. I'm just doing what I think I have to do.

That's all that's required . . . baby steps in doing "what you have to do". Be gentle with self and don't push too hard. Take it easy . . . as this is no "cake walk" of a journey. Conserve energy for those days that are more difficult than others, and be grateful for the days when you have a reprieve from the grief monster. It's a ride . . . no expectations allowed. :) Hang in there my friend. You are stronger than you think. xo, Dayna

It's been 8 months since my husband died. He died suddenly and unexpectedly and I had to pick myself up quickly to get important things done. I've cried like I've never cried before and I miss him everyday. Last weekend I had a great time - very busy, lots to do, good time with family. This weekend I just want to stay in the house and be sad.

For me, the sadness and grief is always just under the surface, and it doesn't take much for it to rise to the top. After last weekend, I had something come up about our house and it hit like a sledgehammer that I can't ask him how he set it up. I can never ask him these things again.

Then some little thing happened at work - one of those "things" that it's hardly worth trying to describe to a friend but you could tell your spouse because he/she would understand the dynamics of what someone else might consider trite.

Anyway, I can go periods of time feeling like I'm moving forward but the seemingly small things can stop me in my tracks.