I feel like I'm at the end of my rope here...I can't stop missing my husband, I keep what if-ing and wishing he was here...wishing I would wake up from this supposed 'nightmare'...wishing it was all a mistake..this weekend was hard...a wind storm hit us and we were without power for the whole weekend. My son had a major meltdown just before the power came back on, hit himself repeatedly...I can stop some of the blows, but not all...his eyes are all bruised up now, and and there are now three fingerprints on his arm where I tried to grab him to stop him from doing more damage...he was finally set to start his program on Tuesday, but I can't send him looking like that...guess it will be a trip to the doctor instead. It's just so unfair his dad isn't here...I'm 45 years old, and yet, I feel like a worn out old woman...
I am afraid that someone (like a social worker) is going to assume I can't handle my son by myself based solely on his tantrums, and put him in some God forsaken home or something...I am going to talk to the doctor about getting him some stronger meds....I already have him on 3 ativan/day and a couple of drops of cannabis tincture...but still, the meltdowns persist...they don't want to put him on anti-psychotics because they can cause heart problems, and he already has a history of arrythmia...so I'm going to ask about a low dosage of valium. I miss my husband all the time, but times like this? It's unbearable not to have him here. Just so bloody weary...