Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I have a large family and love them all BUT sadly I just found out our son in law who has had to live with us is NOW planning a Father's Day time here at our home with his children. All I kept hearing was they were going to his parents for Father's day. I know I shouldn't feel upset BUT he did Mother's Day and their children showed up for dinner and I thought it funny none of our children were here, until later. After found out he had told our children he was doing a special lobster dinner for his wife( our oldest daughter) and I. Our family thought that was nice. Then I find out after he talked with his son, who he hardly ever sees,changes and planned a family dinner. He just didn't call any of my children to say the special dinner was being held until Monday. I know I shouldn't be upset BUT it hurts as I pretty much have been supporting them for the last 7 months they had to move in with us because he HAD a gambling problem and so their daughter could stay in college. In March I hear she has to graduate early because of mess up with financial due to he is still gambling. I thought NO and YET where were they the morning, April 17th, my husband passed away ??? At the Casino ...oh they were picking up daughter for Easter weekend BUT went 2 days early to visit his brother and get the daughter, his brother got them a FREE room, so that's why they were there, foolishly he told other family about gambling on the 16th. . I have asked them to please move out soon, as I can't deal with the stress from them and supporting them any longer. BUT am questioning my feelings for Father's Day????
I have a sister in law who has this sickness, yes, it really is an addiction , and she has no judgement. The gambling has destroyed all her relationships, and consumes any money she can get her hands on.
Really, get them away from you. Ask your kids to help get them out! I have seen first hand the destruction that follows.
These events that you describe are not surprising - he is only thinking of himself.
Good luck,
Bob
You're not being selfish at all, you absolutely must demand respect for you and your home. It's so easy isn't it to defend others sometimes easier than defending ourselves. You shouldn't be in this position and I am sorry for you that you are, but it just seems that you should demand that respect for you and your home and in your grief I know the thought of doing that must be exhausting. I pray that you can do whatever you must to have peace and what will allow you to concentrate on what is most important, you.
Cindy
If you want your kids there, invite them. It is your house. I would tell your daughter and son in law after inviting them. So that you don't have to do so much work, have it a pot luck. Celebrate your husband life and remember the good times.
I don't know all the dynamics of your family, maybe you would be okay with it if everyone was there and such, but this sounds very wrong to me.
It may be too late to cancel it all together, so I think you should have all of your children there to celebrate their father. And when you get them there, tell them you need help getting the gambler out from under your roof. You should NOT be dealing with this alone.
I am so sorry this is happening. You deserve more respect and consideration than you are being given. I hope your kids will come through for you.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Wonderfully worded.
Cindy
Bob in response you are so totally right. He had a settlement of 73,000 and it was gone in 3 weeks. They moved out then and really thought things were changing BUT the old saying ONCE A GAMLER ALWAYS A GAMBLER
My daughter's son came and he cut our grass and that was nice. He talked with me that they are trying to get him to rent a house with them, but his brother told him Don't do it !!! He said Dad and Mom have to learn to live on their own and be responsible. He said with Dad gambling and promising to stop, then gambling again, Mom saying she has agreed to let him do bingo so he won't to the big thing again enough is enough DON"T HELP....WOW that was nice to hear. Also said Grandma we understand why you want them to move. You have been there for us for years with all the times he messed up and us kids thank you and love you.
While they were outside talking the granddaughter who just finished college and the reason we said OK to having them move here back in Oct. told me they had plans to go to the Casino this weekend BUT because another grandson graduated from high school this weekend and she wanted to come here for that, it stopped my son in laws plans for Casino, as they had to go pick her up 3 hours away.
TONIGHT my son in law said "we are going to look at an apartment on Tuesday!! WHAT???? said they were looking, called about one , it is an old friend and will most likely take it. THANK YOU !!!!!