I am so sorry for your loss. Words can't express or explain how you feel sometimes. Each day you will gain a little strength to keep going. You will feel still/stuck and life will continue to pass you by. I lost my husband a year ago. Until this day, I still have days I can't breath or can't go on. In my opinion, my work, school work, family and friends helped because I was able to focus on them and what I had to do. It's sucks that you have to move on and continue to live without your spouse but remember he is always in your heart. My only advice is "take one day at a time"... You have to move at your own pace... My prayers to you and your family.

MrsPitt826

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am aporoaching 11 months since my husband passed away and am experiencing a backslide. I also tend to isolate but am going to try to attend a widows group get together this weekend. Try to find someone you can share your feelings with. I know that can be so difficult. Especially when you are used to being the giver. I also feel like I've always given and have difficulty seeking help. Just try one day at a time. Even part of a day that your spirit lifts a bit helps a lot at this point. Know that so many people here have walked this journey and are here for you. I wish you peace on your journey.

I was the only widow in my circle - Cliff was only 55 when died, so even my older friends and colleagues still had their mates. None of them understood it. The old adage here is that "Grief rewrites your address book." It rewrote mine. I was like you - the one lots of people would come to for support, and just like you, it wasn't reciprocated when I needed it from the ones I thought would be there for me. What I did find after awhile, however, was that others did step forward - some real unexpected heroes stepped up and listened to me, comforted me, offered real help - not the empty promises of 'call me if you need anything' - and some even would just hug me and let me cry. There is something bizarre about disasters that bring out the best and the worst in people, and losing my husband was like a Category 5 hurricane wrapped in a tornado with a side helping of a 10.0 earthquake. Everything in my life changed in moments. It takes time to recover from a disaster, and not everyone will come to your rescue. I hope you do find some unexpected heroes in your midst.

It will get easier. Don't give up. And the anticipation of the first anniversary is often worse than the actual day is. If you can, plan some flexibility into your day, or let one trusted friend or family member know you might need help that day. Also, does your workplace have an Employee Assistance Program? Mine did, and I was able to get grief counseling through it, and it was free. My bosses were also more willing to work with me and be patient and supportive because they knew I was getting counseling and trying to manage my job and my grief as proactively as I could. You might check to see if anything is available to you. Some places it is available through the group insurance or the union instead of an Employee Assistance Program.

If you have kids, they may be able to get grief counselign for free through their schools. My younger son was still in school when Cliff died, and the school psychologist and guidance counselor helped him a lot, and also worked with his teachers so they would know what to expect. That helped immensely.

You will be okay. It is going to be tough for awhile, but you will get stronger and clearer, too. Hang in there.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
P.S. - I bumped the Mourner's Bill of Rights thread for you - it might help. Hugs.....

I can relate. We are on a similar timeline - I am coming up on 8 months "out". I also am returning to teaching in a week and am not looking forward to it. I did teach from Jan - Apr (funeral was on Friday, back in the class on Monday). It ultimately was good. I felt most normal there and it gave my brain a chance to focus on something other than my loss. Then I had 4 months off. I was dreading it, but it really has been great. I have had time to rest and work through the grief., although I feel like that is a never ending process. I also had a number of things I was hoping to get done that did not. Some of those are things around the house and yard, some things pertain to his death (changing the names on the house and the mortgage, etc). Oh well. They will get done next year, or not. I am trying to let go of expectations and things that don't HAVE to get done. unfortunately, there are some things that HAVE to get done before classes start and I am very much lacking the motivation to get going on those. So while I am dreading going back to work, I am hoping it will ultimately be a good thing.

I have not had to endure many significant dates yet. Most of them come in this term. I am already having anxiety about Christmas. He loved Christmas and the one year anniversary is Dec 29th. I know it is forever away but i have taught for so long my brain thinks in terms of semesters. it is nearly impossible to think of Sept without thinking of Dec. I let my supervisors know this might be a difficult term for me and they have put in some back stops. As others have said, ask for help. I have found people are happy to help once they know what you need.

Take care. We will do this one breath, one step, one day at a time.
Kate

It seems to me that my attitude change after Tim's death came slowly, not right away. The first couple of years were hell. After I survived 2 years and was still alive was when I started to become less likely to worry about things. Car broke down? Oh well. Unexpected bill comes in? It is what it is. The first year or so is so emotional and draining all the time. You're doing well considering your huge recent loss. Don't give up. Things will smooth out in time. Take care.
Dianne

Thank you all for your support. I needed to vent to people who would understand exactly what I was feeling. I did confide in one of my good friends yestereday more articulately, and this time she responded with the strength and clear brain I needed as a problem solver. So I did not feel so alone. Last night I went to a community event with a smile on my face and received lots of love vibes to remind me people do care. So if I can focus on that and not all the things I am not getting done, maybe I can get through another day. I am thankful for this group, but so sorry you all have to be in it with me. Today I thought maybe I should write a list of things I have gotten done since New Year's Eve when Scott died....just maybe it will help me go on with the list of undone things.
Thank you for listening.

It is hard for people to understand or they just can't till as they say walk the walk we have been down. What help me is I started a gratitude journal. Sometimes I sit seems like days but I always seem to fill it up I started with just five things now its a bit easier to fill. Instead of tears I put a smile on not always easy to do but his love will always be with me.