Every waking hour of every day feels exactly the way you described. Life with an asterisk. Truth be told, nothing feels interesting or worthwhile without her. The house and yard, just a memorial to what was once beautiful and filled with love and life. Despite all of the efforts I have made to fight on, this knife in the heart makes it all so painful, that I grow so tired of trying. If it weren't for my son, I would struggle to find a reason to. I guess we just have to keep trying to make our spouses proud, and one day, which I know seems so long from now, we will never be without them again. Hugs and prayers for you all;
Robert

Very accurate and feel that we are kind of cornered into having to pretend that everything is okay. There are just some situations where you can't blurt out how you really feel or think without hurting someone else. I am so tired of trying too.
I really like Robert's response, "Life with an asterisk".

You said it, Mrs. RWB. It is exhausting!! Lately, I've been responding, "I guess I should say I'm O.K., but I'm not."
DorothyJoan

Count me in...just exhausted. Why are we even have to go on?

If I understand what you are saying, you feel so down even the good thoughts don't matter. It's not that you don't know you have blessings in your life, but their meaning has lost it's luster with the loss of the person who you shared them with. I have felt that way too. It's an emotional roller coaster we are being blasted with and it's normal to have sadness overshadow the sun. I used to say that I knew that the sun was shining, but not on me. I meant what I believe you are describing. Sharon

agree, so true. this "journey" is real not fake.

I AGREE! Grieving, and all aspects of it are exhausting!
Physically and mentally.......I've had a few "blow outs" with
some people that have said ridiculous things to me! It helps!
we just don't need that added stress......it's a good time to
clean the friend closet....you know who has to go!

Wow! I had no idea my rant would be meaningful to others. It id feel good to say it without having to worry about people not understanding....or accepting. As for gratitude, I am definitely grateful for everything and everyone I still have in my life. What my thoughts were on that was more toward those who take for granted way more than I've ever had...and I have to be grateful for what I had but was taken away. I am always telling everyone not to ever take anyone or anything for granted because what you have is a gift not a given. Anyways, thank you for helping me to not feel so alone. I hope I can do the same for you some time.

P.S. I was also feeling like I have to steel any happiness for myself from others' occasions, situations, etc. , where before I actually had some that were because of or as a result of me/us. I feel like a fifth wheel now, having to be included as opposed to automatically being there.

I hope that makes at least a little sense.

Amen!!!