Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It is now nearly 2 months since i lost my darling husband of 38 years to cancer I am trying so hard to cope but i seem to change so much from one day to the next some days i think i am doing ok then the next i cry all day it is like being on a rollercoaster... does eveyone feel like this Most of the time i just feel like i will never be a whole person again .
I had this poem read out at his funeral as it describes exactly how i feel though i would share it with you all
When Bill i got married they told us we were one
But they never told us what to do when half of us is gone
What do you do with half a life, or half a will to care
What do you do with half a heart, now the other half's not there
You were the other half of me, a heart linked to my own
What do i do with half a life , now i am here on my own
This says it all Hugs to everyone
I had this poem read out at his funeral as it describes exactly how i feel though i would share it with you all
When Bill i got married they told us we were one
But they never told us what to do when half of us is gone
What do you do with half a life, or half a will to care
What do you do with half a heart, now the other half's not there
You were the other half of me, a heart linked to my own
What do i do with half a life , now i am here on my own
This says it all Hugs to everyone
I thought of the best welfare for my beloved wife and she thought of the best welfare for myself, her beloved husband. We no longer walked alone through this world dealing all of the problems that all couples and families deal with. We now walked as ONE wholly unit in an irrevocable bond of trust and love.
There are so many no longer this or that. The following speaks of a few:
With her no longer here, by my side, I am lost.
I am not the whole unit that I was with her. Relearning how to walk through this world without her by my side is arduously painful.
No longer can I consult with her prior to finalizing a joint decision.
No longer can I share a cold glass of iced tea, while we share the cool breeze on a summer evening under the stars.
No longer can she and I share quiet time just being with one another.
No longer can we share a refreshing swim in the pool, and then relax with each other.
No longer can I take her into my arms and dance with her, while I sing to her in her ear.
No linger can we share laughter and joy together.
No longer can she and I watch a movie together and share popcorn.
No longer can she cook new healthy recipes for both of us to enjoy.
No longer can I see her beautiful happy smile each morning, when she would wake me so we could begin our day together.
No longer can she and I travel to places to explore.
No longer can I listen to her as she pours her heart out to me.
No longer can I hold and kiss her just because.
No longer can she act out in her playful ways that would bring me delight.
And on and on
There are countless things that will never be shared with my beloved wife again as long as I live on this earth. The deep sadness that lingers within, hauntingly reminds me of her absence on a constant basis. No amount of missing her through my grief will bring her back to me though.
What do I do with this solitary life now? I focus on my only hope for the time when she and I will reunite in HEAVEN, when my earthly life has ended. This alone is my sole Hope and comfort.
Nothing more or less...
Genuinely,
BEAR
When i read your list i realised if I were to write a list it could go on for ever. After 38 years together there must be hundreds of simple things I miss about my wonderful husband , but it has also made me realise just how many wonderful memories he has left me with and how lucky i am to have had all those years with him and nobody can take these away from me
I am now going to try and focus more on what i did have and less on what i no longer have I dont know if it will help but it right now anything is worth a try.
Thanks Bear for your thought provoking list Hugs to you
You are quite welcome!
(((HUGS)))
Genuinely,
BEAR
These emotions will go on for some time as we grieve for each of our secondary losses, the list from 4everHERS is great as we need to work through each of these in order to heal.
I found that early on when I thought of one of our memories that I was fortunate enough to have for 28 years, they made me very sad.......now when I think of them they bring a smile or even a laugh. I am glad that you have 38 years of memories that will help you through your grief........wishing you some peace and healing in the days ahead........hugs
I lloved your reply to BEAR and his list was amazing.
Focusing on what you did have and less on what you didn't? That's the very BEST anyone can do to get through what we have had to, are having to, and sadly some that will have to get through in the future.
I'm so glad you found your way here to this board and I, too, want to say how very very sorry I am for your great loss. 38 years...and as you so perfectly put, NO ONE can ever take them any minute of them away from you.
38 years of emmories of life, and of most importantly LOVE. No no one can eve4r take those away. they are yours to keep FOREVER.
HUGS of welcome and of understanding Diane
I guess I think society should have had one of those things priests or ministers when they counsel you before marriage put forth the plan for when one unexpectedly leaves. Sorta a guidebook with steps for planning ....
And thats our problem as humans we grieve but dealing with the other things: loneliness, sadness, just living alone and dealing with day to day things ALONE...
SO I think Bear says it all - we try to live our best until we met them again with the Lord.
I am sorry for the reason you are here, but glad you found DS. I was married for 38 years when my husband died. I used to be an even keeled person----now I am on an emotional rollercoaster. I have leveled out some over the 20 months since Stan unexpectedly died.
Please know all these emotional changes are normal. I too have a gratefulness for the life I shared with Stan and a deeper sense of what's important and what isn't. The memories I have bring a smile with some tears and the things that used to bug me, I find endearing. Neither of us was perfect to be sure! But what a great guy I have had the pleasure of knowing and loving. Come here often----we have a great understanding---Hugs to you, Sallie
I dont know about anybody else but so often at the moment I feel like when i speak to people they are not really listening as they are too busy trying to think of something to say to make me feel better
"Thats not going to happen any time soon" and if they listened they would know that I know that they mean well and 6 months ago more than likely I would have done the same thing so I suppose you have to have been through it to know just how bad it feels.
Thats why it is so important to have a site like DS.
Grieving for someone you love is heartbreaking but it has to be done preferably without somebody trying to cheer you up all the time.
I believe DS does more for all of us than any doctor or pills could do
.
Much love & Hugs . to all
hugs...
-Diana
It is absolutely gut-wrenching. Every month is a different shade of grief, but I am determined to press forward. I can feel the pain so much more now. That is different than being numb. It doesn't feel better, but I believe it is healing. I will be praying for you. Thank God this doesn't last forever. Let's continue to encourage one another. We will reach the end of the journey. If we can do it together that will be a blessing. Peace, Darleen