I understand completely. I've had struggles my entire life with this issue. When Don died, for the first time ever I had NO appetite. For 3-4 weeks I didn't even want to eat.

But then that passed. I still have no desire to cook or take care of myself food or activity wise. Before he was sick I was eating healthy and working out 4-5 days a week. The four months he was sick there was no time to exercise. I cooked whatever he wanted. Made his favorites and followed with assorted cakes, pies, cookies.

Now it seems if I can't nuke it or eat it out of a bag or box, I don't eat it. I've gained 20 pounds in the past 6 months.

I set a goal for myself last week to start eating more fruits and vegetables, exercise and cut down on the junk food.

So far I think I ate a few carrots and some green beans... Need I say, it's not going very well.
Your not alone,
Hugs,
Vicki

Vicki I could have written that reply word for word. I just this evening had a good talking to myself. Yes, I talk to myself. I have got to stop this and begin to take better care of myself physically. I just signed up for a program at work that has designed an exercise program taylored to my physical condition and tomorrow morning I meet with a nutritionalist. I realize that if I don't start taking care of myself I won't be able to enjoy my grandkids like I desire. I also know Melvin would be very disappointed in me. Missingt you are not alone. We miss our loved ones but I believe we are still here for a reason. That reason is not to destroy ourselves but to live life that we still have. I know this is going to be a struggle and I may fail sometimes but I will just get up and try again.
Hugs Anne

It seems that that is how it goes in this trip we're on. At first you don't want to eat then you can't get enough. I've been going through the same struggle which is why I had to start exercising again, even though i don t want to do anything to prolong this miserable life at this point, I don't want to go out in a piano case.

The truth is that you can allow yourself a little comfort food here and there just not all of the time. The only thing that really works for me ts to just not keep too much junk food in the house. I like the Weight Watchers approach, were you can eat anything but you have to stay within your allotted number of points each day. If you have your chocolate then something's gotta go. I've used this to good effect, it keeps you very conscious of what you put in your mouth. You can even get free apps for your phone to calculate your daily point allotment and track your points. If you do it right you feel like you are eating a lot but in effect you are really managing your weight. Hang in there, you'll be fine, recognizing the problem is the best first step in getting back on track.

God Bless, Sal.

I think we all go through this. We have to find our new way to eating. My husband did a lot of the cooking and we always had a vegetable. Now, sometimes I forget to eat, till about 8, then eat,and it all goes to fat. I had a baked sweet potato and a banana for supper tonight and Milk Duds, a few minutes ago.

I reached my goal in Weight Watchers in 1990. It works. I think the main thing, is to keep track of what you eat. If you write it down, you begin to realize exactly how much you are eating.

Like Vicki, it's mostly nuked dinners. There is no reason to cook for one. Wish I had the willpower to cook on my days off and freeze, but that was a lifetime ago.

Yes, I can also relate to this one. You lose weight initially as the last thing you are thinking about is eating. Then after a few months, along comes the evenings and you are all alone so you go for those "comfort foods" and they are not celery and carrots............
Sounds like we have more in common than we thought............
Sorry, no advise from me as I am looking for some as well......hugs

Amen to all of the comments------I couldn't eat-------then I couldn't get enough and gained weight which I am now in process of removing by smarter eating. I need to get the exercise component in place. I have a card that says

-----I get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions
and pushing my luck-----

Unfortunately, i need a better type of exercise. The crazy thing is I have top notch exercise equipment that I mainly dust. I KNOW I would feel better if I did exercise---I ALSO know I should floss every day----I am quite knowledgeable--------
You're definitely NOT alone in this malady,
Sal (the gal ;-)

Oh hon, chapter and verse!!!!

Right after in one month lost 15 pounds, and didn't even realize it. then in months to follw? Gained it all back and ten more! chocolate was my FRIEND at that time!!! STILL IS!!! :-) but I did start to eat a bit better lately.

I don't want to cook for myself either, and run a daycare so the food is non stop with the kiddies. To get my sweet fix without cooking now i make smoothies with fruit and chocolate soy milk. I get my sweet, don't have to cook it and only take s a few seconds to blend. It's helping so far.

You are MORE THAN NORMAL with this! I think we ALL put on the 'widow fifteen" and then some becasue of the need for SOMETHING to comfort us!!!

Hopes that the sweet in your life will take over the sweet in the cabinet! For you and for all of us!!!! Diane

Right up there (no pun intended) with the rest of you. Phil and I use to work out every morning before work. After he got sick eating became a blur to me. When he passed I went several months of the cookie for dinner diet. I packed on 15 pounds. A couple of months ago I also had the talk with myself. I tossed all my junk food and wrote out an easy to stick to not think about menu. I started walking with a friend at lunch, we do 3 miles. I want my youngest son to have at least one parent there for his still to come milestones.

I wasn't eating much before his death because he was not eating much. Actually he loved his sweets, but I managed to stay away from those. I probably haven't cooked a decent meal for almost a year. I do not cook much for myself now either - why bother? I do try to eat fresh fruits and veggies daily-don't have to cook those!! I am a woman that will always be on a diet!!! LOL

I purposely try to keep the junk food out of my house, and since I am retired I am not out in the real world all the time with the junk food places. Plus as my children say - I live in the boonies - closest McDonald's is a half hour away. Lucky me!

Good luck!
Hugs, Valerie

fOn the treadmill with the rest of you.....(I should really be on the treadmill***)lost weight after Norm died and have put almost all back on..and more........tried the ww approach and it does work but staying with that mindset is frequently hare for me........want to just let go and eat over points...........so am seriously considering purchasing a few mu mus (sp) maybe moo moos would be more appropiate............ and moving to Hawaii......I hear you can be a queen there and the more you weigh, the more regal..............lol

Thank you All for your posts!!
I took my Weight Watchers books out this morning and decided to follow old program.
Like with our grief we have to take one day at the time with every other aspect of our new life!! At least I will try to eat better!!!
I am so grateful for this website and all of you -friends sharing the same painful journey!!! Hugs!!Ann

Know exactly what you mean. I lost 2 stone after Ric died, could not eat, didn't want to enjoy eating foods when he was no longer here to eat. Had he been alive I would have loved the fact I had lost 2 stone! My weight is slowly going up, my portions are getting bigger, I eat junk for comfort - everyday I wake and say to myself I'm gonna eat healthy which I do all day, it's the nights where I fail. I need to exercise again on the WII but always find an excuse not too! I even tried to get up earlier this morning to exercise but decided I would rather have a rest - oh dear, running out of ideas.

After reading all of your messages I realize that you describe all of the things I feel! When my hubby stopped eating I ate for both of us. And I have continued to try to fill the void that was left when I lost him. My life was built around him for so many years and now I have to build a life for myself. Not easy but I have to work at it....I hope you all are having a good day!

Put me in the same situation as the rest of you. Food was my best friend and worse enemy. My food of choice was peanutbutter, in bed, no less, right out of the jar!! I ate while the tv played, while I was online, and could even read a book while eating that stuff. Of course, for me it had to be Skippy creamy. Find it gross now, but revenge is getting the weight off by eati.g healthy and taking the dog for a walk. Sharon

I sit here eating my Spicy Italian from Subway...which is next door to the Weight Watchers facility thinking about the cherry pie I baked yesterday knowing I should be on my treadmill eating an apple. Problem is that my heart just isn't in it and food seems to be the only thing that gives me any satisfaction or comfort. I am two years and seven months in my loss and you would think I would be past this stage but there is so little to look forward to. I need inspiration and I keep waiting for it to fall in my lap.....