Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members

19,465 Posts

0 Online

simplytracy 05/19/2015

Does anybody else find themselves unusually easily irritated? Is this normal?

I would consider myself a pretty level headed, easy going person. I've been referred to as "the rock" in high tension situations. But, lately I've noticed that I am REALLY easily irritated by stupid things.

For example: I smoke. When I come in from a smoke break at work I spray myself VERY LIGHTLY with a body spray. An individual in a neighboring cubicle will al most always spray his Lysol when I do this. I'm POSITIVE I'm not excessively spraying and have been told by multiple people that it's a very pleasant smell.

Another example: A coworker is cheating on her time sheets and parks in the visitor parking area which is much closer to our office than the assigned parking area. This is REALLY getting my goat. Normally I wouldn't care. I'm no supervisor.

It's not only at work, but I'm in the office now and I guess that's what I'm thinking about.

I have only been this way since my husband passed in December. Is this just a part of grieving? I don't like it!

mannie123 05/19/2015

I am usually a very easy going, tolerant person. Since my husband's death I snap at people and become irritated very easily. Things that previously I wouldn't even have noticed bother me. I hope it is temporary.

hgsdms 05/19/2015

I think this is perfectly normal. I too became very irritable and still am a bit more so than is normal for me. Just try to ignore your co-workers. Hopefully the cheating coworker will get caught.....they usually do in time. The guy with the Lysol is a jerk.....don't give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothers you. Make it into a game in your mind. See him as some sort of cartoon character, etc.

simplytracy 05/19/2015

Thanks for the advice.

It's good to know I'm not alone.

I too hope this is temporary.

gardensparrow 05/19/2015

Well, I know personally if I'm struggling with something big, the little things can seem much harder to deal with than normal. In other words, when you're at this point, it doesn't take much to push you over the edge. So, I wouldn't be surprised if it's related to the grieving process. But are you seeing a counselor or anything like that? If so, I'm sure they could give you a better idea of what's going on. And I bet they could also suggest some strategies for dealing with these little irritations that just seem to add up to something big. Just a thought. But, in the meantime, hang in there and give yourself a little grace. It takes time to get back to feeling more normal (or as normal as possible under the circumstances). You'll be in my prayers...

#girlluvs2garden#

maryelnew 05/19/2015

yes, I too have been referred to as the rock in certain situations and someone who always saw both sides to a situation (sometimes to a fault)., but lately I don't know why my friends are still speaking to me, all I seem to do is complain to them about others - this is not my usual style. I keep reminding myself to be nicer. Most days I'm getting there, but only a little at a time. My husband was the more social of the two of us, so I guess I'm trying to be more social for him and that includes not being as bothered but what others say/do or let's be honest in some cases my stressed out interpretation of what they do and say.

wendimac 05/19/2015

I think that's normal, at least I hope so, because I have been the same way..just one example was a few weeks ago, soon after my husband had passed...I was on a bus with my son, who is autistic. He was having a meltdown, hitting himself and yelling. Some woman from across from us was making rude comments, which was actually making my son worse. Normally, I would have ignored the bitch. But not that day...I told her to 'fuck off'...twice...then when she got off the bus, I gave her the finger out the window. Although that would have pissed me off in the best of circumstances, I likely wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't been grieving my husband. As for the lysol guy? He sounds like a jackass. Take care, and try not to worry about it too much.

Shrn 05/19/2015

Stress often causes us to snap at things that we wouldn't notice previously. I think it's because we feel such little control over what happened that we get upset easily.
As for being referred to as a rock, I thought that was a compliment before losing my husband. After his death I didn't feel like a rock and it angered me a great deal. So much changes in this process.
I wish you well in taking things slowly. Sharon

deleted_user 05/19/2015

I've been accused of having a "cherub face, with a button nose!"

Let me tell you, this cherub is hell bent for trouble. I have been so moody and edgy.......I'd stay away from me, if only I could.

I'm hoping that mood swings goes with the territory of grieving! If not, I've just set a worlds record and started a new "negative" trend!

Hang in there Tracy you're not going to be "evil" forever!!!!

Roz

dschwartz 05/19/2015

Roz, I could have bet $$ you'd get in on this one!! :)

Simplytracey . . . Irritable? Hell yes! Doesn't even begin to describe my mood swings these days! Sharon hit the nail on the head for me . . . feeling "out of control". I'm a control freak and have no shame admitting it. Sure, it can be a curse, but that's me. I absolutely hate not having control and my life seems to be spinning out of control these days.

I find my anger is "displaced anger" and usually have to apologize later when I know someone else is innocently caught in the crossfire of one of my meltdowns.

At least you are recognizing that this is atypical of your personality . . and yes, as others have attested to . . it is directly associated with grief. :(

I'll be thinking of you . . meanwhile get a few old dishes to smash!

Hugs, D

deleted_user 05/19/2015

Hi Dayna,
As if I could stay away too long!!!

I totally understand what Tracy is talking about. I have no apologies or excuses for my behavior. If I had an attitude problem before Morey passed away, then I am setting world records with my behavior now.

What gets me are the folks who try to correct me reminding me that, "that wasn't nice!" Puleeeeezzzz! Allow me the space and wiggle room! As long as I'm not wielding a machete around the office just ignore me. Soon, my mouth will catch-up with my conscience!

I was pretty "snippy" before but now I'm on overdrive.......And, I find myself having to reign myself in!

There really should be a 12 step program for "grieving behavior!" The do's and don'ts!

Please, everyone, take me with a grain of salt [it's my new sign that I wear daily!]

Roz

shaneslove 05/19/2015

I have also found myself more easily irritated. So far I have managed to only "blow up" a couple of times... and those were not huge blow-ups. A huge one is likely coming...
The guy with the Lysol seems like a jerk... I would be tempted to make a sarcastic remark to him (maybe something like "We were all so glad when you started bringing your own Lysol. It was costing us a fortune to sterilize your area. Thanks for taking care of your own germs!")

tothemoonalice 05/19/2015

Shaneslove, I was just a spectator in this discussion until I read your post. Then I read it and had the best laugh I've had all day -- really loved your sarcastic remark! Wouldn't it be "nice" if we could always think of the perfect comment when someone deserves to be taken down a peg? Thanks for the laugh -- Alice

simplytracy 05/20/2015

Geez. I sure didn't expect all of these responses to my post. It definitely makes me feel like I'm acting "normal" for my situation. I really do need to find an outlet tho. Sometimes I could just about slap my own Dad up side the head. That would be bad. :-)

Join the Conversation