Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's early morning hours....I hate this time so much. This is when I reach over to my husbands side of the bed and he's not there. It's been a little over a month since I lost him and I still wake up screaming in my mind that this cannot be happening....this cannot be real. How do I live without him. He has been my love since high school. I do not know life without him. I miss his touch, the sound of his voice, his wonderful laugh and all the ways he showed me he loved me every day. Oh God, I would do anything to have one more moment with him. He died while we were on vacation. We were snorkeling and he was found unconscious in the water. There was another snorkel boat ready to leave and they put him in that one and took off to the closest medical facility. I was on our boat so I could not get to him. I could only watch while they took him and my heart away. Our boat had to go all the way back to our marina and then I was taken back up the coast to the hospital where he was. When I got there they asked me to step into an office and I knew I had lost him. I was blessed to hold my mother and fathers hands when they passed over and it is KILLING me that I wasn't able to be with my husband in those last moments. To hold his hand, to let him know I was there with him. He was with strangers and I didn't get the chance to whisper one last I love you to him. It's like a slow motion , bad movie, that keeps playing in my head and I can't stop it. It terrifies me that this IS my life now...this is real and I don't know how to go forward without him.
The pain is excruciating. It is a normal feeling for having lost that one precious person who made our lives whole. My heart goes out to you for strength and patience as you wait day by day for healing. It will never go away, but the pain lessens. The sadness is always there, though. We can NEVER forget that they lived.....and loved US. Peace to you, dear.
My husband Darrell died from COPD on Valentine's Day this year, after 16 days in the ICU, unable to communicate because of intubation (couldn't talk) and swollen hands (couldn't write).
I was devastated over his death, of course, and was trying to explain how I felt to my older brother, who is very ill and has been dying by inches. He told me something that stuck: Darrell is there with you, Sis. He's just on another plane (level). You are separated by only the thinnest of veils. Reach out to him - he will touch you.
So, that night, I went to bed, feeling all lonely and sad, as I usually did. With the lights out, taking a deep breath, I reached across to his side of the bed and spoke to him, asking (more like begging!) him to reach through the veil and hold my hand. HE DID! I couldn't actually physically feel his touch, but I knew his hand was in mine. I went to sleep like that - with a huge smile on my face and my heart feeling lighter than it had since his death. I did this every night and it was the beginning of my healing.
I'm not sure if this will work for you, but - just like Santa Claus - if you believe, you will be rewarded. Why do we have our innate ability to believe in magic taught out of us? I've found my magic once again and it's marvelous!
So, I'm waving my magic want over you, today, and wishing you peace.
Hugs,
Terry