II am so sorry for your sadness and frustration. ....if it helps yours is not the only dysfuctional family around - I think there are few "functional" families. My daughter informed me earlier this week that she and her husband of 13 years were getting a divorce. So, now it is back to just me, my son, and my daughter and her two boys. Last year we had a huge thanksgiving blending my son in laws family and ours. This year there were six adults and 2 kids. But it was peaceful and I did not have to walk on egg shells to make sure my son in law and daughter did not fight....Ugh! I hate this, I cried for about two hours, feeling sadness that my husband wasn;t with me to console and strengthen me, feeling resposible and guilty for my daughters divorce, looking way to far into the future. But eventually, the tears subsided, I tried to let go and let God, even if just for the night and I did sleep well. The holidays wreck havoc on our emotions and on family dynamics. This too shall pass my friend, this too shall pass...

I truly thing disfunctional is a part of all families. So you are not alone. Parents and children, even adult children, disagree. Don't take the blame on your shoulders. Everyone is responsible for their actions. You are fine and loving and don't deserve to be treated poorly. Love you, girlfriend. Sharon

(((((((((((((((Kathleen)))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry family's have to be this way. Little do they know once they are gone we don't get a do over.
I hope you had a good time with your own family group.

Hi, I have to say as you noticed all families are dysfunctional and the worst families spend time in denial of this. No your not alone with strange hurtful behavior of kids, parents, sisters, brothers, extended family. I cannot say why this is? and it hurts! nor can I say when it will end? though it does hurt! My only thoughts are be you, be true, be sense-able, and like who you are. And know your not alone...
Here is gentle hugs and best wishes in difficult times not of our making and missing our significant spouse on top of all else!
Rick

I completely agree that EVERY family is dysfunctional on some level - I always say, my family put the "FUN" in dysfunctional - lol.

Sometimes, you can love somebody, but not be able to have them in your life; some people are just too toxic.

At least you know that your life is more peaceful without her . . that speaks volumes.

Loretta

I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree with what other's have said, I think all families have dysfunctional members who affect the whole family dynamics. With grown children, hopefully they will mature more or have life experiences that change their perspective. In other words, sometimes they think they know it all and find out they don't. Take care, Sandra

Welcome, welcome, welcome....one and all. I told my late husband before he went to my parents for his first Thanksgiving there, "welcome to the dysfunctional Family Thanksgiving from hell." People will be talking about the raunchiest things at the table, someone will be insulted, and someone will leave the table crying before the meal is done. God I missed my Dad and all of his "Archie Bunker offbeat humor" when at my daughters yesterday we felt right at home with her new family. There was all the "bad" humor. The insults, arguments, and great food that I grew up with. Just like Dorothy...there's no place like home, there's no place like home....

Yeah....every family is dysfunctional. The ones that think they are perfect are the worst of all...

hugs...
-Diana

I have been thinking about your post. My family could not be more disfunctional.

I got a poison letter from my sister about a week ago. Yea, really needed to be told off in writing.

I am finding out that it is better to just let them all go and stay alone.

Peace to you
Dually

I'm so sorry. How painful to have someone u love so much go out of her way to hurt you. ( gift to aunt ).at a time when u need family the most I can imagine how sad that made u. The holidays are so difficult. Hopefully your daughter will come around. I know u are a strong believer and that is hopefully a comfort. U are very blessed, however, to have the that support of the family members who R still there for u. My brother did the exact same thing to my mom when my dad passed away. Dan & I were there for her constantly & in every conceivable way and yet she continually moaned that she had no family. I know she didn't realize that was hurtful... Felt like saying what are we, chopped liver? We were still there for her and her family. Losses like this are so very complicated. I hope The Lord heals your family soon. Hugs to you.

I agree with you guys. Dysfunctionalism tend to run in many families. My family was divided in two when my aunt who was the matriarch of the family passed away at age 91 years this past January (rest her soul). We (cousins) and my immediate family have had Thanksgivings and Christmas together for the past more than 30 years. This year there was no mention of either by cousins. My 2 sons, DIL and DIL's sister had a nice time together. i guess sometimes we must realize that change can be more peaceful than having problems and distention around the holidays.

Thanks, everyone, for your comments on dysfunctional families. What an education I'm getting as the years roll by. I would have bet a year's salary that my daughter would be by my side rather than my son and DIL. I was wrong! And I thought I knew my kids! Wow. I appreciated everyone's comments and I offer my sympathy to all of you who have those hurts in your family as well. It's so good to be a part of this group!

I'm beginning to wonder if it's the way the planets are lined up or what?!? I thought mine was the only family to go wacko this time of year.

I come from a big family - 6 siblings counting me (our parents are dead). There is always somebody who is not speaking to somebody else, but usually it's not me. This year my older brother has disowned 4 of the other 5 siblings, as well as his nephews and niece. Terrific. Momma would be so proud, what? Then I asked my siblings for one good memory of Cliff to share with my sons on the 5th anniversary a couple of weeks ago as I wanted it to be a day of positive remembrances. This set off such a s**t storm I couldn't believe it. The worst from one of my sisters who has used the same excuses for bad behavior for 40 years and drowned herself in much unearned self-pity -- she actually had the gall to lecture me about "moving on". Really? Me?? I have completely rebuilt my life, but somehow I haven't done enough?? Really?? It was so absurd and sooooo hypocritical it was STUNNING!

My counselor used to keep a sign up in her office that read "Putting the FUN Back in DysFUNctional" - that's my family all over!

This too shall pass..... don't let it get you down. You're definitely not alone on this.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

It's not just you.Between the alcoholics, addicts and straight up nut cases in my family and among my in-laws things just can't get crazier. Unless you know for sure that you did or said something wrong, try to let it go. I know that's easier said than done at the holidays, but January will roll around and things will get easier for all of us. I sure hope so anyway!

New Roads I think we have all gotten some good insight that families will be families. I truly hope your daughter comes around, being an only child and daughter, my mother was the closest person and my best of best friends. A mother/daughter relationship is one to cherish. My mom has Alzheimer's now and those wonderful long conversations that we used to have 3-4 times a week are gone. I believe I know who I am but she cannot think to verbalize my name. Sometimes she will say yes, and just now I asked her is the dinner I gave her good and she nodded and said uh-huh. Long way from those great conversations we used to have. I know you know the importance of a great relationship but I hope your daughter will come around. Just keep hoping and praying that she will. Blessings to you and your family.

I want that T shirt that says " If you met my family, you'd understand!!"
My husband always said, "The best thing for relatives is distance!"
We lived five hours from his large family and 3 hours from mine. It solves a lot of problems and we were always happy to come home to the peace and quiet. I read an article in Dear Abby once about toxic relatives and I go by the quote "Friends are the family you choose!"
I used to be the "fixer" in my family and then realized I deserved a life with my happy husband so I quit being the moving target for all their woes. It made them all mad but now they don't speak to me and I have peace of mind and no drama in my life.:)