Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My kids and I started a group support session last night, and I just wanted to share what I can about that experience. I wont go into details because of confidentiality reasons, but I can tell you about how it made me feel. First off, let me tell you what a great place DS is. What does this have to do with the group support session I attended, you ask? Well, I have to tell you that coming to DS has given me a head start on my grief journey. I think that speaks volumes about the quality of the people here on this site. Even though I did not know what to expect going into last nights session, I felt like I was very prepared for what may be coming. Kudos and High Fives to everyone here for that! :)
The main reason I wanted to go to this support group was for my kids. Even though they appear to dealing with the loss of their mom, it is sometimes hard to get a read on them. My 18 year old son is the hardest to gauge. He tells me he is doing fine, and looks the part, but I know that somewhere deep inside him, he has to be hurting. This place splits the kids up into age groups, so they can better relate to other kids in similar situations. The parents are in one big group by themselves. I was worried about being split apart from them at first (since this was a new experience for all of us), but Im happy to say they did not have a problem with it all. That must be some of my Mr. Mom instinct starting to show through!
At the parents group, it was stressed that this was not a therapy group, it was a support group. Most people will find it therapeutic, but it is above all else a support group. Most of the things said at that group were topics that are discussed here everyday on DS. In fact, when a question was asked, I usually wanted to be the first to volunteer an answer. I gave everyone else a chance to talk first, but most of the time it was silence, and I would then offer up what I thought. After a while, the pregnant pauses became shorter, and more people would volunteer to answer first. I really feel like a part of this group, and I want it be all it can be. I feel like I have a power to help make that happen. Im not going to appoint myself a leader of this group, but I sure want to do my part to make sure it is a functional, supportive group. Oh, to break the ice I tried to make a little joke. The official group leader had name tags made up on stickers, and started to pass them around. She said to grab a name and put it on your shirt. I asked if I had to grab my name, or if I could be someone else for the night. That got one or two people to chuckle. Hopefully that lightened the mood a little, or else I just made everyone feel like I was some wise ass.
After it ended, I have to say that I didnt feel like any weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I guess I would say that it felt like I was laying down the groundwork for sessions to come. I am happy to say that I think it helped my kids. My youngest son thought it was beneficial, and even the 18 year old said It wasnt terrible. I was worried about getting him to go, so that is about as close to a ringing endorsement that Im probably going to get!
Again, thank you to everyone here! You dont know how much your support has helped me.
The main reason I wanted to go to this support group was for my kids. Even though they appear to dealing with the loss of their mom, it is sometimes hard to get a read on them. My 18 year old son is the hardest to gauge. He tells me he is doing fine, and looks the part, but I know that somewhere deep inside him, he has to be hurting. This place splits the kids up into age groups, so they can better relate to other kids in similar situations. The parents are in one big group by themselves. I was worried about being split apart from them at first (since this was a new experience for all of us), but Im happy to say they did not have a problem with it all. That must be some of my Mr. Mom instinct starting to show through!
At the parents group, it was stressed that this was not a therapy group, it was a support group. Most people will find it therapeutic, but it is above all else a support group. Most of the things said at that group were topics that are discussed here everyday on DS. In fact, when a question was asked, I usually wanted to be the first to volunteer an answer. I gave everyone else a chance to talk first, but most of the time it was silence, and I would then offer up what I thought. After a while, the pregnant pauses became shorter, and more people would volunteer to answer first. I really feel like a part of this group, and I want it be all it can be. I feel like I have a power to help make that happen. Im not going to appoint myself a leader of this group, but I sure want to do my part to make sure it is a functional, supportive group. Oh, to break the ice I tried to make a little joke. The official group leader had name tags made up on stickers, and started to pass them around. She said to grab a name and put it on your shirt. I asked if I had to grab my name, or if I could be someone else for the night. That got one or two people to chuckle. Hopefully that lightened the mood a little, or else I just made everyone feel like I was some wise ass.
After it ended, I have to say that I didnt feel like any weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I guess I would say that it felt like I was laying down the groundwork for sessions to come. I am happy to say that I think it helped my kids. My youngest son thought it was beneficial, and even the 18 year old said It wasnt terrible. I was worried about getting him to go, so that is about as close to a ringing endorsement that Im probably going to get!
Again, thank you to everyone here! You dont know how much your support has helped me.
{{Hugs}} De
Doye
I am thinking it is best for me to seek a "real life" grief support group.
I just can't take DS anymore. I can't apologize for being an overweight older woman and I pretty much realize that the open arms on DS are not there for me anymore. I am tired of feeling like I am less of a person for haivng aged or being in a certain age group or that my grief is less than others based on how my loved one passed away.
I just can't deal with it anymore.
I applaud you for being proactive on behalf of your children and yourself. It sounds as though it was a positive experience for the family.
At first, I remember thinking I would never feel normal again, but then I met other widows and realized we all had a common bond. I hope your children will begin to feel less like the 'odd man out' and more like part of an outstanding peer group who are all traveling the same road and seeking the same peace. Blessings to you. TJ
Hope the group continues to go well for you and your kids.
Hugs, Joely
It is so insightful of you to realize that your children will grieve differently and need a way to work through their grief too. Sounds like you will all gain a lot from participating in these groups.
I agree that DS is a God send and that we do go over all of the topics here. We become seasoned travelers quickly here with so much wisdom from so many people. I wish my adult children had their own DS to help them work through losing their rock and their hero...their Dad.
Hugs to you and your children.
-Diana
If we lived in the same state, I'd swear we were at the same meeting. I started a support group this week also .. they too split the kids up by age group and then the adults went to their group. I must admit, I thought the exact same thing as you .. having DS helped me A LOT. I'm wasn't overly fond of the idea of the adult group meetings - what Kaaren experienced is what I feared. It did work out though and I guess as the weeks continue, more people (including me) will speak up without so many moments of silence.
Glad you had a good experience with the group and pray it will help you and your kids through the grief process.
Pam
blessings
L
I did realize that my son (22) was grieving different from me. I am dealing with the loss of companionship, my partner and my friend. I am missing all the things we did together.
My son is struggling with all the things that would have been. That his future wife will never get to learn from his mom, that his kids will never know what "an amazing woman" their grandma was.
I realized I had been a little bit self absorbed, so now I really try to be aware of his grief too.