I read an article last year that was talking about how in times of tradgety or loss of loved ones that people general have a the words " if there is anything you need call me or let me know". I remember reading that last year after my mother n law passed away and asked my husband why do people say that when really they don't mean it or they just say it to say it.

This article talked about insteady of saying those words ,put those words to action. If you have the balls to say those words then do something nice for someone without them asking. If you know that someone isn't use to mowing the lawn and their spouse that does that passed away , lend them a hand by helping them out with the mowing of the lawn. Of it the wife was the one that always did the laundry and she passes , be a friend and offer to help.

Me and him talked about that for a while off and on in 2014,. Then exactly a year and half later Now the time came when he passed . I heard/read those exact words , sounded like nails on a chalkboard. I seen it so many times and heard it so many times that I wanted to scream. There I was living in this dreaded nightmare of them words that I felt was a curse.

I use to be guilty in the past but when I read that article last year ,I decided I need to not say that anymore either.

Its been 4 months today (17 weeks 4 days) since those words were said too me and I have called people up and I have asked people from their help. I have posted on facebook and no one bats an eyelast. They don't even reply to a message or text that I send to initiate a conversation with them. How am I suppose to inform them I need help. I had to hire a complete stranger to come help me do yard work because no one has come to help. No one has called to check on me. No one has come by the house to visit.

I have learned through this whole ordeal either you have a great support system or you are by youself.

Trying to tell people that haven't been thru this is like talking to a brick wall. I am learning that there are valleys and mountains on the grieving roller coaster.

There are days I am on top of the mountain and don't need help or don't need anyone to talk to because I am fine at the moment but like mood swings you never know whats gonna trigger a sad/bad/not so good day and you want or need the help,, things are falling apart and people aren't there, they want to do it on their terms.

Obvoisuly I have only 2-3 people I can honestly count on and when those people are busy I try to do things myself and then get frustrated because then I get told why didn't you ask someone else for help.

I'm like hello. I tried and no one came.

Its like people gripe at you for trying to do it all by yourself and being to prideful but then when you asked for help in the first place. OMG its awful.

As some else said on another topic ,doing all the red tape stuff keeps you busy with dealing with the have to stuff and then eventually the fog lifts and you are then left with the remain mess.

That whats been happening this month. This guy that has been helping clean the place up ,didn't know us before. My husband had a lot of stuff scattered on the sides of the house ,under the onnet,yard ,the backyard was a mess. It was too hot back in august to do too much outdoor stuff and when it rains its hard too do stuff. But the stuff had to be cleaned up. Tools and whatnot.

I went back with natural gas this year because the wood burning stove we put in last year ,is gonna be too much of a headache for me. It takes time to cut wood and I don't physically see myself going out to chop down trees and cut them up and and load them and unload them. Then the whole process of starting up the wood stove and maintaining it when no one would be here in the evenins to maintain it My daughter works in evenings like I do.

Apparently earlier in the year we had a leak somewhere around the woodstove pipe so I assumed that hubby had fixed it. Well needless to say that the other night came in and rained and water was all over the floor. So here it is today that I am undoing the stove and trying to undo the pipe but yet again now have hit another road block. The pipe is stuck.

The person that could fix it ain't here. I AM ANGERED AT HIM RIGHT NOW. GRRRRRR.



I REALLY feel alone during all this. The real people I expected to help me thru this has let me down. So what do I do???????/