Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Don't want to be a Debbie Downer!

loveddogs
loveddogs
So my girlfriend and I are leaving for our big trip to Colorado Tuesday morning. We met together today to do some shopping for the trip. While she was trying on a swim suit I saw a night shirt with a weenie dog on it and just lost it. We had a little weenie dog and had to put her down several months ago. A few weeks before my husband passed he said maybe we can get another little Winnie (her name) in August. Neither of us knew he was dying. So how on earth am I going to be someone fun to go with? We are planning on visiting Estes Park. A place My husband and family truly loved. In fact our daughter was married there at Lilly Lake. How will I keep it together when it will bring such bitter sweet memories? I don't want to ruin her trip. I want my mom! But she is gone too. And Dad, and Grandma and Grandpa, and his wonderful folks and my favorite cousin and on and on and on. I grieve for all of them. And my best friends husband too. Gone now four years. I am back to not wanting to leave as need to do so much and hate leaving it and my security blanket. But I don't want to be home either because it is so sad without him. I miss his touch, I miss his voice, I miss his smile, I miss every inch of his body that I can still see as plain as day. I miss my PURPOSE!!
kkg17
kkg17
You will probably have some sad triggers on your trip, and wish your husband was there. But at least you will be with your good friend, so youll probably have some laughs and good times too. At least you can be yourself...Enjoy as much as you can!
Im glad youre going to have a breather and change of scenery. Youve been through a lot, and I think this will be a tiny step in moving forward in the healing process.

PS I have a dog named Winnie...Hugs!
ruthannstewart
ruthannstewart
There may be some sad times on your visits to different places but they will be bitter sweet. You do have a good friend to go with and you can help each other. It does feel good to get away for awhile and I think your husband's spirit will be with you. Go and do your best to enjoy the trip and the visit with your friend, You can make your own memories and I think probably your dear husband would have wanted you to. God bless !

Ruthann
lori001
lori001
You're taking another step in your healing by taking this trip. Colorado is beautiful, and a healing place to be. You will have moments that are hard, and sad, but that's okay. How can you not be? Your husband will be smiling down at you from heaven and happy that you are in a place you both loved. It will be bittersweet, but I'm sure you will also have some good times. Take it a day at a time and be easy on yourself.
I just got back from Colorado. My daughter graduated from college. It was very bittersweet because my husband was sure he would survive his cancer long enough to see our daughter graduate. Sadly he didn't. The kids and I made new memories. We had a few toasts to Larry. He was there with us in spirit.
Enjoy your trip! Talk about your husband. Cry, laugh, be sad, be happy. It's all a part of grief.

Lori
JesusisOurSaviour
JesusisOurSaviour
Dear Michele,
Just Go and Be....I can overthink things too.
Big Hugs....Sandra
jondoc
jondoc
I am also going to visit those places Barbara and I loved. I call it "slaying the dragons"; I want to feel those happy memories again even though I know it will be painful. In September my first foreign visit without her will be to Majorca which we always enjoyed and for the 2 weeks over Christmas and New Year I'll be in Madeira. Barbara and I always had Christmas dinner together, sitting opposite each other at thetable and pulling Christmas crackers. I simply cannot imagine myself sitting there alone or indeed staying in the UK for that season. And as Sandra has said (above) I know it will be "bitter sweet". But unless I do it, I would never visit those places again. I have already started the process by going to our favourite scenes in the UK and although there were a few tears I know Barbara was still with me. So you are not alone in esxperiencing those feelings. I send tyou my love, and know you will have the courage to carry out your plans. Jon
kgray41
kgray41
Your in my thoughts and prayers this week. Try to just be at peace and enjoy your trip. I took several trips to see family when Bob died. It really helped me to just get away! Try to have fun! You can do it!
hgsdms
hgsdms
Yes it will be difficult at times Michele and you will have mixed feelings about staying home vs going on a trip. May I suggest altering your plans just a bit to include more "new" places and not so many familiar ones? Just a thought.......I really don't know. Remember your friend has been through it...she will understand meltdowns. Big hug, Darlene
maryelnew
maryelnew
you said it yourself - "bittersweet" - it means both bitter and sweet. You will be ok, it will be another first we all have to get through. It's your good friend and you say a widow, she will understand and probably be expecting a few tears from you. As someone said above me, you will most likely have some good laughs, even if some come from a dark place - that is one of the things good friends are for. Go, enjoy -it will be ok.
lmj90
lmj90
I am speaking only in thought. I have thought many times about how much I don't want to be home but I don't want to leave either. My young son came to me this weekend and was struggling with his grief. He said "mom im so frustrated and sad" He said I can''t live with dad so I want to live FOR dad not live without him. We are going to leave a little bit for Mike where ever we go. We will talk to him, cry to him, and smile for him, I know its easier said than done because just the thoughts scares the life out of me. I would rather be with him that here alone. So I guess after all my rambling I am trying to say go on your trip and if you cry you cry your friend should understand. Know that he's with you
ptorres
ptorres
Michele, I am a native Coloradan we welcome you to our beautiful state. I am going on a motorcycle trip from Denver to San Diego with a good friend in September. My wife rode motorcycles as well and was always by my side. I am apprehensive to leave my house and get on the road without her but feel it will help the healing. Worried about leaving the dogs and cat but my sister is staying at my house to house and pet sit and told me to go and not worry about anything. I will try my best. I hope you get some relief from your trip as well. Good luck and try and have some fun, I will too. -Pete
Lisastp
Lisastp
Here's what I think -- why don't you try asking your husband for a "sign" that he is there with you on your trip. I don't know if that kind of thinking appeals to you, but the day of my son's high school graduation last month I spent a few moments early in the day (and I even typed in my journal) asking my husband for a "sign" that he was with us at the graduation.

And you know what? I got a sign as clear as day. It's a very convoluted story to tell about why the sign meant something to me, but believe me, this was a sign so personal and particular, that I felt clear and confident that it was my husband.

So if you choose to ask for a sign, I believe you'll get it. Then you won't feel so alone on your wonderful trip. Best wishes to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have a safe and meaningful trip with your girlfriend.

Have no expectations of who or what you'll be like just let it all flow.

Nothing will ever be the same ever again so what the heck, go and find your smile.

I wish you safe travels,
Roz
loveddogs
loveddogs
As always I knew I could come here and find understanding and support. You are all so wonderful. I know my dear friend and I will find some fun. We will see and do things neither of us have done before. I need to heal, and I see she does too. She retired two weeks ago and her life has been nothing but her work, her Daughter, son in law and two grands since her husband passed four years ago. So part of my "Purpose" for this trip is for self healing, but I will not let her merely survive and that's what she has been doing. I was always the hell raiser of the two of us, so hoping to shed some of this widowhood, old wrinkled lady with no point in life image. I plan to cut loose a little and hope I can get her to also. But promise nothing illegal ha ha. One thing about Estes Park is I have never felt so close to God as I have there. Hoping both of us feel closer to our husbands as well. The peace and serenity are amazing. Hugs to all, Michele
kkg17
kkg17
It's great that you are thinking of your friend, and trying to help HER have some fun, and move on in her life. With that attitude, I think you'll be just fine. I look forward to seeing the beauty of Colorado one of these days too...bring us back a report! Hugs.
npc4204
npc4204
Michele, of course you'll cry, but you'll also have a wonderful time.

When I went to Mexico I was reminded of many great memories that I had there with my husband. Did I cry? YES! there were lots of times that I cried.

But I also had a great trip. I got to see and spend time with lots of friends. When they mentioned Norb I got teary eyed, but they showed me a lot of love and support and hugs, which is what I needed.

So you MUST go. Your husband would want you to go and enjoy yourself, right?

hugs,
janie
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