It makes me sad that you do not believe in God or Jesus Christ as your savior but that is between you and He. People need to respect that. Some may not know what you believe and it seems very uncaring when they say things that offend you. Forgive them - they do know this journey that we are on. Be good to yourself and may you find comfort in the memories you have. May you have peace in your heart.

Thank you for your comments and thank you for understanding that we don't all have the same beliefs. Please don't feel sorry for me though, I am happy as a clam with my position on religion. The very, very, intensive research I have done , I am an educated non-believer, not just a person who decided to be contrary.

I think the "God's plan" comments are some of the worst, along with the accompanying "he's in a better place" comments or the "God needed him more" comments. I resented those and I still resent those - and I am a believer. It is an insult whether you believe or not. It is not part of God's plan, the better place was here with his family, and no one could need him as much as our sons did. So I hear you, Pammy. And I do understand how hard it is for an atheist to catch a break -- my new husband is a widower and an atheist -- and he got very little understanding or compassion because of his non-belief. It is always hard when people dismiss your pain.

I am sorry for your loss and that others have been insensitive to your pain.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

It is interesting that even though I am very spiritual in the early stages of my grief those comments you write about also had a very negative effect on me and provided no comfort. Early on I was so angry and hurt that God allowed me to lose the love of my life it was quite a emotional wrestling match. The day came for me and it took a long time when I eithier trusted in him or I didnt. I chose to trust in him but that was my journey not yours or others. Regardless of our belief systems we love and support each other here because we all travel that dark road called grief and understand the pain involved. We respect each others diversity which makes DS so special. Wishing you gentle days. Gerry

I also hated those horrible God plan comments. It made me so mad when I heard them, I was raised a Christian and have battled intensively in my mind and heart about God's existence let alone his plan. Those phrases are fall back positions for those who do not understand and do not know what to say. Positive thoughts and hugs!
Val

I respect your beliefs. It's hard to know what to say to someone who's grieving, and there's no reason to hurt someone. Chris

Sorry for your loss Pammy. Sure is painful. I share Gerry's sentiments.
Thanks for sharing. It helps us to be attune to others. Nice having you on DS

I've got your back Pammy.

I promise I won't "God Bless You", if you don't "God Bless Me!"

Thank you for sharing your feelings.

Warmly,
Roz

I believe in God and that stuff turns me off too. How can anyone know what God's plan is for someone else? People are often so flip about what God is thinking and that offends me too.

I too am sorry for your loss Pammy. I am a Believer as well but I too got some of those comments and didn't consider it helpful. People mean well though I believe. I remember saying some of those same things to a co-worker who lost a baby probably 15 or so years ago. She told me off. I didn't understand it at the time but I do now. I was sincerely saddened by her loss but I was at a loss for any words of comfort and I slipped into those stupid statements. Anytime I get those from others referring to my wife's loss I chalk it up to not having had any kind of loss themselves and knowing how it might affect someone.
I wish you peace as well, Jeff

Pam,

Your post reflects the thoughts of many of us on DS. I respect you for putting it out there! I have practiced several religions and find them not matching what I envision that life is about. What works for some is not for everyone! I would suspect I'm more in tune with the American Indian beliefs that everything has a spirit to honor. Bottom line is I do not have any set idea of creation. I am a trained scientist and my thoughts to the scientific method which drives my special friend crazy and keeps telling me I over analyze everything too much. It is the way I was trained to evaluate and process information. Being a computer programmer you learn only a perfect piece of code will run and produce the results necessary to do your job. My mind is trained to process info in a certain was as is Val's which is trained to process using different skill sets. Scientist vs. attorney! Issues are seen differently! That is makes all of us individuals and each of us has our assets and liabilities. Different thought is good for all of us as we need to be independent thinkers and let each others position cause us to look at our own and why we have it. You'all got my analytical mind running as I attempt to explain what makes this site valuable as the opinions and thought processes used to post are way different. Independent thought is good! Hope you all can follow my mind through this post but diversity is good for all of us! Peace to U from me and Harley! Dewey

God gives us the freedom to make decisions about our lives. He does not force any of us to believe. Still, in many parts of the world atheists are a minority. That means many times you're going to have to hear things that may hurt you.

Many believers would find this journey extremely painful if it were not for the grace of God. I could not imagine how it is for you. But please understand that people are not saying this to hurt you. They're saying it to give you comfort.

I'm glad to read that you've done your research. It's an important decision.

I have an atheist friend. I am a Christian. We get along fine, each respecting the other's view. Still, if I'm wrong I shall suffer the least.

I'm a born again Pagan . . . have studied most religions and theologies over the years, much of which doesn't resonate within me. I take what speaks truth to me and let the rest go. I don't tout my personal spiritual beliefs and can certainly resent those that try to push their religious beliefs on me. So, I can somewhat get what you are saying. On the other hand, I don't think that people are maliciously trying to hurt you. They simply have another language of sharing their love and care with you.

Live and let live, to thine own self be true.

Thanks for sharing. Dayna

I too am a Christian and I resent comments such as those, who are usually expressed by someone whose mate is still living and have no idea what we are going through. But just as was mentioned, I remember saying something similar years ago to a coworker. Someone asked me "Are you still grieving? He has been gone seventeen months. I didn't say anything, I just walked away.

We are all here together for the same reason, and it is our love and support that we offer you. Some will offer those beliefs they hold dear, because it is the best they have. Take what is given and know that death cannot be avoided. Not too many years will pass before there will be nobody who reads these words still alive.((GENTLE HUGS))