It has been three years since my husband died. I went through all the stages of grief and still am not fully recovered, but I was having days when I could feel a little of my old self coming out again. However, now it will be yesterday here, I got a call late afternoon. It was my daughter's husband. He said he was sorry to tell me this, very sorry, but my daughter, my best friend in the whole world killed herself. She left no note.

She had been battling bouts of deep depression for many years. She was struggling again recently. I stayed in touch. Wednesday I asked how she was feeling. She said she still felt rotten. I kept in touch through text because she preferred that when she was down. I should not have listened and called instead, though I know nothing I could say would lift her out of that dark mood when she was in it. When she was up she was a totally different person. Bright, clever, creative, we would talk and laugh for hours. She refused to take medication. I tried to convince her to try it again. She wouldn't listen, stubborn.

How am I going to make it through this? I can't imagine my life without her. She was my first baby. She was not just my daughter, she was my friend. She was a good sweet person, too sensitive though. She felt everything. Where do I go from here?