In Jewish law, we bury our loved ones, then after a year there's an "unveiling", ie, the tombstone. I wouldn't worry about the tombstone right now, and don't let the salesman push you. Is it the circumstance of the actual burial right now that's the concern? Hawg, don't stress, please. I have my husband's ashes with me - I truly believe our loved ones have gone on, these are the physical remains of our loved ones only, not their spirits or souls. Whatever you decide will be alright! Hugs, Marsha

I really don't know why this particular thing has me so confused, I made all the other arrangements with no problem at all and this seems to just be sending me in a tale spin. Maybe it is because I worry that if the farm ever does get sold I might not be able to be buried with him or the fact that if one of the kids wanted to go there they couldn't, I don't know but this is really had me upset for 4 months and I still can't decide what to do!

Wow, that is a tough one. I grew up on a farm and I understand your husband asking to be buried there. My husband was buried in a cemetary that overlooks the farm that I grew up on and the land that he and I were going to buy.

I have just had a hard time deciding what to do about my husbands shop and the land that we didn't buy. Now I am not sure I want to leave the home that we shared to go to a place that was a dream that we had for us together.

Someone once said that when you make a decision today it is with the changes and understanding that is from today, which may or may not be different from what was their experience back then. Things change and so you have to make your choices considering what you know now.

I do not have answers but I decided that I would let no one push me to make choices that I was not certain of.

Take your time. It is your choice and is not for someone else to choose for you.

If you are still not sure I would take a paper and make two columns. One with all the reasons to do it, and the other one with all of the reasons not to. At least then you can see it all on paper and see which you really want.

Whatever you decide, know that you are making the best choice for you and for your husband and do not second guess the choice that you make after.

Lastly be kind to yourself. We have all lost the love of our lives and we need to give ourselves a hug because we deserve it every moment we put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

That's my two cents.

-Diana

Oh, I hope I caught you before the pushy salesman made his call!!! It took me a YEAR to have the headstone placed. Part of the delay was design, but another part was - I had to do SO much that I simply was NOT ready to pick out the headstone yet. I got some guff from relatives but Pfffft!!! I am really happy with the stone and if I had been pushed, it would not look the same.
Take your time and do what is best for you, nobody else.
I'm not sure what paperwork is required from your state for burying on your farm, but that may take time, also.
It's true, once cold weather hits, you have to wait, but so what? This is quite an important decision, sit back, breathe and know that it will be made on your timeline.
Take care & good luck,
AJ

I'm at 22 months and have not ordered the headstone. Cliff left no money for anything, including the headstone, so I'm taking my time. I have also wanted to take enough time to decide on the wording and design - not just the price. My sons and I do not visit the gravesite - none of us feels close to Cliff there. When we leave (we're relocating) there will be no one to visit his grave. For me, it's way down on the list of priorities, and I think Cliff would be okay with that as I'm spending my time, energy, and money on taking care of the kids and myself instead. Some of the very worst experiences I've had as a widow were at the hands of the cemetery folks, so I'm okay with making them wait. Take your time. Love and Hugs, Martha

I want to thank everyone for their quick responses. It helped me alot. I just got off the phone with the salesman and postponed the decision indefinitely, until I decide it's time. I think most of the pressure was coming from me, myself. I know his Mother thinks it's time, but she hasn't really liked me in the 31 years I have known her so I really don't care. There is no problem in this state with moving him, I could do it next week, but there are cattle where he wanted to be and the bull don't take kindly to strangers. (I have to decide if I'm going to sell them this year or keep them over the winter). As for the lists - I did that and there is more negatives than pluses, but that is the "only" thing my husband really requested so I guess maybe that is why I'm having a difficult time with it. So many things can change in 20-30 years, I just wish to be buried next to him and it might not be possible if I put him in the middle of a farm. Thanks to everyone of you - it has made this day a lot easier.

IF the farm is ever sold, you don't have to sale the whole thing! You can keep an area for the family. If possible, keep a spot adjacent to the road so you won't have to worry about future access.

My husband died nine years ago. He wanted to be cremated and I did that with no problem. He also asked that I spread his ashes on the land we had just purchased. I thought about it but like you I wasn't sure I would always have the land. I wanted to honor his wishes but found I just couldn't at the time. I decided to wait until I was truly ready to make that decision. In the end I had to sale and move out of state so was glad I had waited. I still have his ashes and have decided to wait until I die and have our children spead both our ashes together.
I have made a lot of people mad over the years because they think I am being selfish. This included my own kids at one point in time. However I explained to some of them one day why I just couldn't do it and they understood. Didn't really matter to me if the did or not, just wanted them to stop asking me about it.
You have to follow your own heart, no one can walk in your shoes but you. If family and friends or even strangers don't understand than that is their problem. I spent a lot of time grieving over what to do but once I finally made the decision I was at peace with myself.
I am glad you told the salesman to wait.

Could it be that you are not sure what to do because this is final and you are not ready to do this yet. His last request? Then it really would be like saying goodbye forever? That would be difficult for me as well.

Oh my lord, you guys have just lifted a big weight off my back. It will be a year for me to without a headstone. I thought I was the only one with this issue. My in-laws, particularly my sis-in-law has been bugging. I wish I could just tell her "fuck off" (I can be mean), but I just tell her that I am working on it.
The thing is that I want it to come out perfect (at least to me). I also do not want to think about the headstone, I have shoved it way back in my head. It will be the final thing for him, and after that it ends. nothing else to worry about.
I know where he is burried I do not need a gravestone to get to him. Everyone else is none of my concern.
thanks for this post I thought I was the only one without a headstone.

As I am finding out with time. We all have the same problems, the same issues. Sometimes just in a different order of priority. Well the headstone is going to go on my back burner. Until I know what I want and where I want it - no one is going to push me to make a decision.