hi russ it does get easy with time ,its nearly 5 years for me

I am at three months and I cry everyday, but not as much like in the beginning. This morning I was getting ready, and I went to get a belt on a drawer I almost never touch... as it turns out, there was a card my husband wrote 2 years ago on my bday, saying that there was nothing in the world he loved as much. Needless to say I could come to work on time and it was very emotional. If I can give you one advice, it would be dont put yourself in this situations. Obviously, you are also not ready to read cards or maybe even see pictures. I know we are hurting a lot and all we want is to get the pain out, however wait until you are a little bit stronger to go through this things. Otherwise, you will not move forward.
In fact, this is the last thing I want, to move forward... However God wasnt ready to take us just yet, so we have no choice :(
We are here for you!

I empathize Russ. I am going through one of the valleys again but I know if I made it to the peak before I just need to hold on through this valley and I will come back up again. I don't have the answers either but I do have understanding and compassion for you. Hoping you can go home and relax your mind a little and hopefully you will feel a bit better as the day goes on. xo

I'm at 2.5 years and I don't cry often. If I find myself down that day, I can usually pinpoint it to physically not feeling well. That seems to be when the pity parties hit me now. At 7 months, you're still very early on and it does get better.

Nessie from KY

Its 2 yrs for me and I still cry everyday. I hope it gets better soon. I just don't know when. I guess it depends on our circumstances or how busy we stay.
I'm ok when I am around other people, its just the alone time I have a hard time with. especially when driving, in the shower, watching a movie, washing dishes..................so on.

Well Russ I am at 203 days or 6mos18days as of today..and the tears just continue to flow. Hard to actually imagine a day without tears, when my previous years had so few tears involved. So we are in the same boat I think. I found a note in my briefcase from my Don, don't know when he put it in there but simply said I love you and thought he knew I needed to see that today..Instantly it was like a slap to the chest and tears-- but on reflection I think rather than a sad thing think of it as a new note from my love. We both know we were truly loved and the emptiness is so hard to deal with but know that I understand as do the other folks on the site. Hoping that after the tears that the great memories shine through and the cards are the reminder of all the love and good days.. All the best, Hugs to you MaryAnn

I don't think there is a way to stop the crying. I am at 11 months and I can honestly say that I have cried every day since I lost my love. I can control it a little better now, but when the aloneness, a memory or something physical shouts out to my heart...I cry. We lost the most important person in our lives....how do we not cry.

Sending you gentle hugs and prayers that you find moments of peace.
Blessings.
Sharon

"There is a sacredness in tears, they are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and unspeakable love."
Washington Irving

lady101....thank you for sharing that quote....wonderful!

As for the tears...I am three months in and cry every day still I think the numbers of times crying and the length may decrease some but I do not see it going away entirely. Hugs to all.

The shorter answer "yes" it will stop. I do not weep, I do not roll on the floor, and I do not loose voice crying... it is not because I have changed, or my loss any lesser, but because I worked really hard working on my HEALING.
At the beginning there is no way to get through that agony without letting it out. It is healthy and important that you do cry. Later, you get there, do more than just crying...
I have done everything available to a griever; individual, group, small group counseling, journal.
Memories...I also created new traditions that include our memories of him. I have a place at the cemetery where he had been buried, and I also have a plot next to him; I visit him there, bring flowers.
We started a scholarship in his memory, and it still going strong. I have planted many trees, that he loved so much.
My pain transcended into profound change of me. I love him and I miss him in quiet sadness, peaceful surrender. I also have arrived to feel joy of realizing my blessings : I had love, i had wonderful man, and lots of joy while some people never have.
I am grateful I was so blessed. Tears will stop, but love will never disappear...

The agony of tears and pain change into sadness and then we have good days inbetween. The only way to get through this pain and tears is to release them. Avoiding things only makes them worse. For so long when I saw a couple riding together like we did I had to park the car to sob. It happened repeatedly. Then it began to cause feelings of why? Jealous of them. Anger that it wasn't us. All kinds of emotional responses.

Fast forward 6 years to this past summer when a couple in their late fifties (?) got on their motorcycle and pulled away. I caught my breathe, I'll admit, smiled sadly, and thought "God bless them and enjoy your ride."

It does get better. Sharon

Russ every tear is a mark of love.

I finally can accept that. It is because of your love that you have to cry the loss. Eventually they will lighten but you are still so much in the loss of her yet. Seven months is not long in the timeline of your life with her. Also in those tears are the lost dreams, the ones planned and worked for, your life plans together.

You might try writing her a letter to get those feeling out in words, read it aloud, ask her if she remembers.
As I typed out my fears and all that John's life meant to me, it felt like he was reading over my shoulder. That actually gave me a calmer feeling. Like feeling he could see how much this hurt, how lost I felt.

We really have no idea how much they can feel and see, but I think it's a lot more than we realize. You may find her coming to you in a dream afterward. It will seem like any normal day in the dream...but the surroundings are of now, A visit. To let you know you are also on her mind. Sometimes answers can be found. It happened to me a couple of times that way.
I am a strong believer of the curtain to the otherside being like a sheer curtain sometimes, That's just part of my nature. Thoughts and images can cross between the two. In my family this is considered normal. But I know it's happened to others regardless of cultural back ground, if they are open to it.

Also an NDE or extreme trauma can make this easier to see for some.

My heavy crying lightened at about 14 months, I will still cry but it feels lighter, not gut retching, a cry of sorrow, loneliness or exasperation that he is not here when something goes wrong.

My heart and a hug Russ, I hope you dream well tonight..

Thanks to all for your responses. They always make me feel better and give me things to think about. Not sure what I would do without you.
Russh

Crying is a release and also a cleansing process. I am at 7 1/2 months and I still cry everyday but not for as long and not in such a heart wrenching way. I say cry if you have to. My belief if that men are expected to contain their tears, certainly in public, whilst it is easier for women to cry anytime we feel like it because our culture made acceptable for girls/women to cry and express their sorrow, despair, anger and frustration this way. Less easy for men, I think.

As for the cards, letters, photos, little reminders, I am not strong enough to read or look at them so I have made a box and reserved a drawer just for them. I hope that one day I can read and look at them without dissolving in floods of tears. These mementoes are safe and locked away till the right time comes.

Do cry when you feel like it and have to. Big hug to you.

It does get better..it just takes time.

Russ,

I am at almost 18 months and I want to let you know that it does get a little better, even though I still cry every day. I ususlly feel better after I cry and I feel close to Charlie at the time. That said, It's hard to accept that even though at times we think we are doing well we can still be reduced to tears.

I would welcome finding cards like you found. I would consider them a message from Charlie - not from the past but from now. I know they try everything to reach us. They miss us as much as we miss them.

I wish you peace,

Julie