Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members

19,465 Posts

1 Online

dcheramie 01/05/2015

Or does this special hell we find ourselves in, seem to make old hobbies/likes just fade away for anyone else?

I used to love shopping for DVDs for my wife and i to watch..I'd take her to her dialysis on Saturdays and then head to Walmart and dig through the movie bins..when blockbuster video was still around, i used to buy 4-5 movies for us all the time.. Over the years i gathered a pretty large collection of movies..

Sept/October of last year, i spent hours and hours, setting up a server in our house with all of the movies on it i had gotten us over the years so we could sit up whenever, and watch whatever we had.. November came, and she was gone.. Now i have no desire to watch tv/dvds/movies at all..No desire to buy any anymore or even shop for them.... My brain knows i didnt suddenly stop liking movies, so perhaps this just because i used to do this as a "thing for us" and my heart is telling me "nope..cant do it"

On a side note..my earlier topic about being numb...it appears that might be fading.. at any given time, it feels like my mind is a TV, with images of our life together + things i've had to take care of + things i still need to do + sadness about things we will never do, are constantly flashing through my brain, cycling and cycling through things.. Apparently when it hit this subject, that just about "cracked the damn" of numbness.. this one seems to be hurting pretty good..

dschwartz 01/05/2015

In my simple into the journey for only 9 months, I am forever changed, as is my life. i don't think I'll ever be the same person. Hobbies? Once I can concentrate again, I'm sure I''ll get back to reading and gardening. As for entertaining on a large scale, not happening, those days are over. There is much to debate as far as what will remain and what will change. I'm simply going along with the flow of "today" without judgment. I am you, and you are you . . . changed perhaps, but still left with who we are . . . today. Big hugs to you, xo, Dayna

marjoe 01/05/2015

For me, part (if not most) of it was that I couldn't concentrate on anything. It took me a year and half to pick up a book again and be able to read it through (and I've always been an avid reader). I've let some stuff go. I've tried different things - some I liked, some I thought, meh. It's occurred to me over the years that the things I did, and liked, have morphed into something different - and it wasn't even a conscious thing. You'll find a way - but honestly, it's very soon for you. Don't put pressure on yourself. Hugs, Marsha

deleted_user 01/05/2015

My hobbie is crochet. Not in the mood for that any more I did make some pot holders for a couple of my friends for Christmas. I just not in the mood any more for that I know where your coming from

nowjustme 01/05/2015

In time your desire for your hobbies will return. It may even be a new hobby but something will come to you. You first have to get through the heavy grief, then you will try to keep busy doing something and the hobby will come back to you.

It just takes time. I took me a long time to get back to reading, I had to start with grief books. Movies I can watch, even about the loss of a spouse. I am at just over 3 yrs and it still hurts everyday, we just have to keep taking another step each day.

Hugs,
JoAnn

marijapomagaj 01/05/2015

One of the first things I did was make laminated placemats out of all the sympathy cards we got. I did this once with Christmas cards. I made copies of a favorite restaurant placemat and used the back to assemble and paste pleasing arrangements of cut up cards...usually sorted by color. So ~ after lamination I could flip it up or down. Anyway ~ it was great therapy ! and a keepsake:) Use them every year...and gave some away to kiddies. On my 4th and still surreal...

papagena 01/05/2015

First of all let me tell you that I am very sorry for your loss. As to hobbies, I totally understand what you mean.

It will be two years early next month when my husband died suddenly. Before that time, I had many hobbies, in particular reading, opera and embroidery. I also liked watching movies with him. However, till very recently I could not concentrate enough to read an entire book but since the past summer I have read a few books. I have not started my embroidery again but I still have an interest in it so I know, in time it will return.

As for the movies, I still cannot watch an entire movie on my own. I need someone with me. When I watch a movie I keep thinking, he would like this bit, or he would laugh here. It stops me focusing on the subject. The only thing I have been able to do is go and listen to opera.

So, I feel confident that in time you will enjoy some hobbies again but it early days for you. Just do what you can, take a day at the time and take a good care of yourself.

sandeestttn 01/05/2015

sorry for your loss. I have no interest in hobbies and things I used to love to do. It has been almost 2 years now. Now that I have time to do these things. I just don't want to anymore. I have to just concentrate on doing the must do things to survive. Sandee

JesusisOurSaviour 01/06/2015

I can relate to those "movie images" you mentioned......my imagination was so strong, I could actually see my husband, Ben and I together, when all the beautiful memories came back.....( initially..I only had the traumatic memories of his long illness. and his death)
Hobbies....I will start slowly this 2015 to get back to all the things I liked to do.....cooking, crafts, gardening...I still read,.... maybe too much!! Ben and I would travel.....I can't stand the thought of being in another place without him......
One step at a time........
Sandra

dcheramie 01/06/2015

Thank you all for the replies

tableforone 01/06/2015

My experience is very similar to others here. My concentration is returning little by little. I do find that I often have to make myself try things I used to enjoy as well as new things. Initially the only positive I found was that I was less uncomfortable. As time has passed I'm beginning to find some pleasure in things again and in the process I discover a little more of who I am as an individual. All this takes time, patience and perseverance. Keep her in your heart, your eyes open and keep moving forward.
John

barbarame 01/06/2015

Thank God for the hobbies, they are a great comfort

mlm2015 01/06/2015

I always enjoyed reading, but taking care of my husband for so long, there was never time or I was too exhausted. It has been 8 months, I have been reading books about grief and am starting to get back into novels. Sometimes reading takes me away from the here and now.
It is my escape. I used to quilt, knit and crochet, but I have not found the interest yet. I am hoping in time I may start a brand new hobby....maybe learning to play a musical instrument!! who knows....

alliepoo 01/06/2015

It will be two years in Feb since I lost my husband. I have always been an avid reader, but it hasn't returned yet. I try, but my mind always goes elsewhere. I hope it returns soon.

Shrn 01/06/2015

Many here will return to doing the things they enjoyed and others will find new ways to enjoy times of relaxation. I never lost my love of books where I could get lost in the pages, but I did find the stamina for long reads my mind would drift. Television was at a minimal. It's embarrassing to admit but the first year I played Farmville on Facebook to pass the time. I can't believe I just admitted to that here! Sharon

Join the Conversation