I understand. I would be upset if I were in your shoes as well. I cannot imagine dating anyone right now and get the feeling you feel the same. Life just isn't fair or rather confusing. I am sorry to hear you only had six months with your husband after diagnosis. Your relative appears to be moving forward. Good for him. But for some of us it may take a little longer. They say "never say never" . Right now it just is hard to understand when you are hurting so much. So many of us here understand and feel your sadness. Hugs

It is hard to know what is going on with people. My uncle married about six months after my aunt died. None of us ever doubted he was totally devoted to her and begged her right up to the end to have more chemo/ surgery. It hit his daughters the hardest but a counselor told them it was not uncommon for men that had deeply living relationships to either remarry quickly in hopes of having that again or dying because they can't go on without that loving foundation

To me I believe we may be dealing with the same grief, but the way we work through it is our decision. There is no one way that's right or wrong. We don't know the relationship between this man and whoever he is spending time with, but I hope that it's helping him.

In this journey it's easy to criticize those who move on too fast or those who we think are stuck in grief. The truth is we don't know who's right or wrong. So it's best to keep our focus on what what is best for us. Sharon

My grandmother was married to my grandfather for about that long. She was married within 3 months of his death. My mother an the whole family didn't like it either. My mother had a nervous breakdown, and never got over it. A friend of my sons parents were married 45 years, she waited a year an said, she just couldn't wait any longer. I don't understand that. Its been 26 months for me. The few dates I have been on, freaked me and my family out as well. Even though I know, If I had gone first, he'd have replaced me right away. He couldn't take care of himself..

Ladies, my father started dating about 6 months after mom died...I also met a man at Beginning Experience who married again a year after his wife died...
Thing was, dad was going from one bad relationship to another...and the remarried guy was at BE because he and his second wife were divorcing.
Some (most?) men move too fast, because they don't want to deal with the pain of the loss. Or in some cases, there was no love left in the relationship before the death.
Most widows I've met want to make sure we're healed before we move on right away.

I know how it can seem 'wrong' for someone to start dating so quickly..my aunt was married to her husband for more than 20 years when he died at 62. Within a year, she was remarried to another guy, who passed away a year or so ago...now I hear she has met another guy online and is traveling with him...I don't get it myself...right now, the last thing I want to do is start again...but at some point, I may change...I love my husband, always will...at the same time, I just turned 45, and can't imagine spending the rest of my life alone...I think anyone in our situation just has to handle it in a way that is best for them, even if it seems a little strange to others...

Without being judgmental, I believe that there are just some people who cannot be alone. We all know people of all ages who always have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and have never really been alone since adolescence. So for some people, it may not matter who is by their side, as long as someone is.

How did you find out he had a "roving eye" before she died? Unless he told you himself I would let that go. People love to talk and judge others.

You say he was devoted to her and cared for her during a long period of illness. Continue to admire him for that. Many spouses abandon their significant other when the going gets rough.

I would not consider dating right now because I am not ready. But others dating would not make me sad, it would give me HOPE! I don't want to be sad and alone forever. And I don't want anyone else to live like this either.

Live and let live and mind your own business. I have enough trouble running my own life and what others do is none of my business. Men move too fast? Really! Any scientific research on this or just personal opinion.

Retired Statistician used to dealing with opinions with no factual basis. Peace to all!

Maybe what you are feeling sad about is that he is not as "perfect" as you thought he was? Try to concentrate on the positive, you say he was devoted to his wife for thirteen years as she battled cancer and heart disease. He tried to do good for all those years and now is trying to cope. Not perfectly, because none of us are. Just in his own way and in his own time. He had thirteen years of illness to deal with, who knows how much mourning he did in that time. Concentrate on yourself and let it go.

Hugs,
Val

You have chosen to feel Sad, lots of people would choose anger.
Whether you heard truth or lies, you deal with it from your perspective!

You just can't judge people from other peoples words. That's how important relationships are. Hold on to your love and honour for your friends and don't let other people change that.
Thinking of you,
Love......Sandra
,

I concur with Val, Karen, Sharon and so many more . .

Let it go. This is his life, his choices. We all make our respective decisions based on our needs and ability in any given circumstance. We are also differing as humans and deal in differing ways.

Keep focus on self and your journey toward future happiness. That's really all that is important here.

P.S. Dewman . . don't feel singled out as a man with that comment. It's not always "gender" related. Un-ruffle those feathers please. :)

Hugs to all . . xo, D

I guess what I am confused about is are you upset that he is dating at all or do you just think it's too soon? If she died in 2013 I guess it's approaching on 2 years. I honestly don't see anything wrong with that. I am only at 4 months, was married for 18 years. I had a great marriage, 3 daughters, but at 45 years old I do not intend to spend the rest of my life being alone.

And lets not forget being a caregiver for an ill spouse for 13 years I am sure really took it's toll. My hubby was only ill for 18 months. I was so burned out. Don't know if I could have survived any longer taking care of kids and him. It was becoming so exhausting.

I'm not understanding why this is bothering you?