No you are not wrong!!!.. It is a whole different ball game!!...The person you lived with/around that controlled our every thought is gone. I lost my mother, father, sister, But this is totally different. Hang in there. Sandee

I know that before we were widowed we probable tried comparing loosing people in ours lives to those that lost their spouses but we now going thru the same thing had no idea what we once said ourselves is the same thing people tell us now. People try to compare apples to oranges. But its not the same.

This is a common theme when I lost my husband. I realized that most of the people were not trying to be mean. It's just they don't have a clue how to compare it.

I lost my husband five years ago and only recently did a coworker compare my loss to her divorce. She said that I had love and she never did. She's been divorced for about ten years and she's still in pain over it. So instead of getting angry (which I almost did) I didn't say anything, I just turned around and walked away. I knew that it was her issue, not mine and I did not want to damage a work relationship. Just as she had no clue what I was feeling, I have no clue what kind of pain she is still in ten years later. She is very bitter and it's a long story, but I think she sees that I had a good life and I am okay. My loss did not destroy me and she feels that her loss destroyed her.

Believe me, she is not my best friend but I do have to work closely with her, but I do not think I will ever forget that she said that. One thing that does make me smile about that encounter is that she is right. I had a great love and a great life. I have managed to carry on and I'm still enjoying my life despite the most devastating loss I think I will ever have.

Nessie from KY

Common.
So is comparing our loss to their cat.

I look back at those days of ignorance, not knowing what to say, how to react, not wanting to upset the person by saying the wrong thing -- basically clueless. I also remembering saying to others (thank God never the person), Why don't they just get over it? Well, I'm not ignorant about it anymore. Wish I was, but it is what it is. I do think people are not trying to be insulting, but just trying to relate as best they can with what you are going through. And truth be told, the only ones that can relate to us are those that have also lost their spouse. Unreal what this does to us. ~~ Scottie

Bpatton,

No, you are not wrong. About a year after I was widowed, I wrote and posted on another site a one page document called Unique and Devastating Loss, which tries to explain to the non-widowed around us the unique nature and true devastating extent of losing our spouse. It has since been reposted on a number of online sites offering support to widows and widowers, including here:

http://www.livethelistnonprofit.org/unique-and-devastating-loss/

And copies have also been posted on DS several times, most recently here:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/19887501-unique-and-devastating-loss

Sorry for your loss.

--- WifeLess

Most folks around me still think I have leprosy. Funny I don't feel sick other than broken hearted over my wife going home. I lost my mother in 2010, my father in 2013 and now my wife in 2015. With all due respect to my mother and father it devastated me more when I lost my wife. Didn't see that coming. And your not wrong because everyone feels things in their own way and we need to respect that. I did have a coworker who lost her brother acknowledge to me she realized it was my hurt was different than hers.
Peace, Tim

I've lost my Grandparents, Mother, Father, Aunts, Uncle's, Brother and most beloved pets. NOTHING and I mean NO ONE has moved me and touched my soul more than losing my mate.

Losing someone who loved you and watched out for you and would die for you is the most devastating and profound loss any human being can experience. Our mates; the one person we allowed into our secret places is gone. And, we're left to carry on.

I know what you're feeling and all I can say to you is I'm so, very deeply sorry.

Roz

Loss is loss, but death is so much more surpasses any loss, by misplacement or breaking up or divorcing.. I know I didn't lose my husband, I knew right where he was, crushed underneath that dang truck. I know where he is, and it sucks. Just wish people would quit comparing the death of my husband to a divorce or breakup ,sigh.. Much love to you all, none of our spouses death compares to eacother, each one is unique in it's entirety. Much love to you all, and a gentle hug for all of you. Carla

I've lost my parents, aunts uncles and cousins. I loved them dearly, but I loved them in my heart. Your spouse, you GIVE your heart to, and that's a big difference. Those who have never felt that loss will never understand your pain. To have the pleasure to have someone Love you after they've seen all your flaws is a tremendous blessing.
i went to a store today and my wifes girlfriend was behind the counter. she was smiling and laughing, and I thought, how could she do that. Truth is , life goes on. My pain is not hers, and that's the way it should be.
You are in the right place to say what you feel. My girl passed in December, so I'm new to this to, but everyone here has been where we are now. Your in good hands