Thanks eagerbeaver. Tryin to make through the day each day.

I am so sorry for your loss Pontia. I lost my husband 7 months ago to an accident also. I am praying you find peace and strength to get through these tough days. My best advise is to just accept whatever feelings each day/moment brings. I found it easier when I did not put pressure on myself to feel or not feel. Of course during those moments of total despair it is hard to accept, but after a good long cry I felt stronger. Each week I feel stronger for longer periods of time. Sending you hugs.

When I tried to push myself too much I lost it..just slow down..listen and watch life..I try to think about nothing. It's been 5 months since my 63 year old husband died..after 36 years..I feel like I know nothing. Coming here and reading *listening " to others makes me feel as though I'm not 100% insane. ...take it easy on yourself..it's not you.

It's loosing someone we relied on and made a life with. It's OK to grieve

I'm really sorry Pontia, your loss is just uminanginable, tragic and still so raw. Just go with your feelings whatever they are at any given time. Let yourself grieve and don't hold back. After crawling and then walking along this path, the best advice I can give is the word...time.....that's it. Live each day the best that you can. If that means going to work and not speaking with anyone....that's okay. If that means staying home and crying in bed all day....that's okay too dear lady. You do what you need to do for you and at your own pace.
I know it sounds ludicrous to you now....but time will ease the pain. It will never completely go away but it will make it more bearable.
So for now.....just grieve. But please, if you can each day....if only for a few minutes...get out of bed, get dressed and get outside of your home. Talk to someone if only to say hello. Breathe in the fresh air and soak up a little sun if possible. This won't take long but it truly does cleanse the spirit....
Love and strength to you, my thoughts are with you...
A great big hug sent your way,
Darcie

Pontia,
I am so sorry for your loss. I can still remember the 3 week point like it was yesterday - you feel like you are walking around in a fog and have not truly accepted in your heart that your spouse is not going to come home. The loss of your husband along with the tragic way that he died may magnify your pain in the short term but just go with your grief - if reading the bible helps do that, if taking a long drive alone helps, do that but just grieve at your own pace and in your own way. It may be hard to hear or believe at this raw stage, but the pain will become less intense over time. I know that going back to work was hard (all the looks, folks tiptoeing around you, trying hard not to cry in front of co-workers) - I know as I returned to work 3 weeks after too. I am here to tell you one year later that there is hope waiting. Please take good care of yourself Portia and be Blessed.

I'm so sorry Pontia, you have had a sudden tragic loss.
It's so raw right now....this journey takes time. Allow yourself to grieve, whether you cry all day, sleep all day, wear your husbands shirts...anything that comforts you.
Even if all you can do is shower, eat, and drink fluids..that's ok. I know you have just returned to work....that can be helpful or stressful, depending on how you cope.
Just know, we are here for you, we've all been where you are....time heals...but it's in your time.
Take care, sending a big hug to you........Sandra

My heart breaks for you. I want to let you know that many of us have walked through that door and understands how distressed you are. I would recommend whenever you feel a grief wave write it out - either on your own journal or here. It will make you feel a bit better after venting it, but more down the road as you are further along the journey.

I understand that feeling of wanting to be alone, and I was. At that time I lived on a farm in very rural Indiana. I was glad none of my family was nearby. I needed time to myself before facing the onslaught of stupid remarks. So please do make time for yourself to be alone. It is something we need to try to assimilate this awful trauma we have experienced. Take good care of yourself.