For me, I think it was harder a couple of months later than in the beginning. I was busy making funeral arrangements, cleaning everything from the house so that I could sell it and moving into an apartment. I think when this was all over, I didn't have the distractions any longer and then the full force of what had happened hit me. Now, at 5 months yesterday, I am doing better. I know I still have a long road, but I can tell a difference. Maybe you just hadn't really given yourself or had time to really grieve and now it is coming to you. Hang in there, it will get better and you are not alone. Hugs, Norma

I to did well the first months. I kept myself so busy that I really did not have time to greive. Then at 9 months I really lost it. It was like I had just lost him.
I am just passed a year 8/21/2014 and feel better. It took that 3 months to get here.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Just allow yourself to greive, that is the only way to heal. I tried the fast route and it did not work.
Hugs, Sandi

I think this road that we're traveling on has many bumps, twists and turns. Some days I'm very "up" and "on" and some days I'm a blithering mess!!!

I work a full-time job [by choice]. I'm determined to work here 20 years if I have to drag my butt up the stairs to my office. It's a goal I want to reach and then I can fade into the sunset!!! Or, finally take a cruise that's longer than 2 weeks or go back to Switzerland and visit the places Morey and I did together. I have 2.5 years to go.....I can do it, I can do it!!!!

Yesterday I laughed, this morning I can't stop the tears. I'm going to allow myself the "ups" and "downs" and not fight it anymore!!!!

I think the way that you're feeling is so right-on!! Welcome to the; "I'm up, I'm down, I'm all around club!"

Oh! And, by the way, I'm the president of this darned club!

My worst months so far have been between about 6-16 months. The first months were a semi-functional numbness and then came about ten months of deep pain. That subsided and now for the past 5 months I have been on a relatively even keel with just a few downward bumps. My life now is beginning to feel more "normal". I am thinking that I can adapt and actually find some pleasure in life again. I will be coming up on the second anniversary in November. Will update as necessary!

I know exactly what you mean. I had the same thing happen - I'm closing in on 4 months - and the last couple of weeks or so I felt like I was backsliding myself. I felt almost worse than I did in the beginning. The littlest thing would make me cry! I think whatever we are going through is the "new" normal. Maybe it's the reality is sinking in - who knows. In the first few months there is so much going on and so many things to take care of - that now I'm finally getting into some kind of routine and the reality has hit that he's not here anymore. Also, I think the term we all use "roller coaster" is very appropriate. It is - up and down - you just have to hold on tight. Take care I hope you are feeling better soon.

I don't think it has anything to do with "time!" How short or how long doesn't matter, it's just time.......nothing more, nothing less!

I think it has to do with YOU! I don't mean the "you" by name, I mean the YOU - inside......the REAL YOU!

We all have her/him inside, deep inside. If we dive in and explore her/him, we'll find the realness, the feelings, the guts of who we really are...Sometimes it's too much so I stay on the surface. When I start digging it can scare me.

I balled-out my daughter this morning who was trying to be loving and is such a sweet soul. Geeezzz! I think grieving people need to go to grieving island, these mood swings are down right scary!!!!

Love ,
Roz

I was going to write this as a new topic, but I think it falls under yours. Today I just feel like "enough." It's 3-1/2 months since my husband passed away and I have read books, gone to meetings, talked with friends, taken care of most of the business side of things, gone back to work, and now I want to say, "See - I did it. I did what I was supposed to (whatever THAT is!). Now I want this to stop. I have had enough. It's time to quit this 'you're gone' thing." Does that make sense to anyone? Am I just losing my mind? Don't want to take away from hgsdms' topic thread, but I think it's related.

my husband is gone 7 weeks. every single day seems to be getting worse. I constantly cry when I see his things. I still have his voice on the telephone recording. I just can't erase it , it would be like erasing part of my past. does that make sense?

That's the way I normally handle tough situations. I'm a detail oriented person so I usually focus on all the things that any given situation requires then the big picture hits me weeks or months later. With this though I was so physically and mentally exhausted from the events leading up to and after her death. That coupled with the numbness lead me straight into the grief right away and big time. We will all experience every aspect of grief but how much, how many times, the order and intensity will vary for each of us. We will often cycle back thru parts of the process that we haven't come to terms with. These steps back can occur quite randomly and the intensity varies. Things do improve or at least become more manageable as time passes. Not sure if grief is something we ever truly finish with mostly because we've lived thru possibly the most horrific trauma we could ever experience. You are as normal as any of the rest of us. Let yourself grieve, experience it, work at it. Get help one on one with a therapist or in a local group and come here often to share and be shared with.
Peace and ((Hugs))
John

Marg, I have a few messages from my husband on our home answering machine from when he was in the hospital.
I listen to them and I cry.
I don't ever want to forget the sound of his voice, so I'll never erase those messages.

A very wise woman once told me that "normal" is a setting on your dryer and nothing more. I have always appreciated that thought!

Is it normal? Yes. Is it normal at 6 months? Yes. Is it normal at just about any point? Yes. The good news is that you won't always be stuck there.

The roller coaster ride starts to level out. There will be bumps, and doing things like updating your will and such will kick things up. How could they not??

We tend to be very shocked and stunned the first several months, and also simultaneously sorting out paperwork, legal stuff, inheritance stuff, etc. We get that done and then suddenly have the opportunity to just sit down and be heartbroken, grief-stricken - that's such an apt term, isn't it? Struck down by grief. We avoid it somewhat, but usually 6 months is when you can stop being distracted by details, and unfortunately, it usually coincides with everyone around you thinking you should "be over it by now." If only it were that simple.....

Hang in there. You will get through this. Honest.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Yep. I was doing okay for a long time, now I feel anxious again and very, very sad. Kind of melancholy with a touch of unease and a dash of loneliness. Was up, now I'm going down.

I am so glad all of you have posted to this topic. I came here tonight thinking I was going to post and ask if anyone else had a major set back at 9 months, or really 8 months. Aug was our anniversary and I was doing well until then. I fell apart. Worse than after the initial shock was gone. Now over a month has passed and I do not want to get dressed, go anywhere, or be around people. I am so sad. I cry for no reason. If I did go out in public people would think I am crazy.

This is so hard.

Yes to so many things people have said. It is hard and we all do work on auto pilot on and off as we attempt to get through this horror that we find ourselves in. Are we on the normal setting of our dryer? Yes we are. As the clothes must dry so must our hearts heal around the hole we are left with.

Do you remember hearing about someone losing a limb? We have lost our limb. Not an extension of our body, but an extension of our heart and life. We will struggle, trip, and fall. But we will walk again and be productive as the person without a leg. Never the same, nevertheless coping with our lives as they are. Caring and love, Sharon