The saying that bothers mkje is when someone says "I understand" because they lost a friend or someone like that. People just dont seem to get the fact when you lose a spouse or a child you lose part of yourself. Your comment was about 100% true otherwise.

Gone forever, that was the worst counselor I ever heard. It is hard, but when one therapist
etc doesnt work, try someone else if you can.
They are so different. I was fortunate to get
who I call the best in the Atlanta area. He
has been with me since losing a spouse of 17
years through divorce. It wasnt my choice but
I made it thru. Now he is helping me with
this.

The truth is until you, yourself, go through a loss like this you truly do not know how very painful and emotional it is. You lose a part of yourself when you lose your partner. I had friends who were widows and I thought I understood and certainly had compassion for them but I know now that I did not have any idea the pain associated with this kind of loss or any of the feelings of loneliness, fear, etc. attached to it. I hope I never (meaning only well) said something stupid. I really do not think people mean to ask or say stupid things....they just don't know what else to say or do. When people ask me, "How are you doing?" I usually say "As best as I can." To closer friends I have said, "This life without my darlin, sucks." We all are hanging in together hoping for better days ahead.

I have found others to treat me this way too. They frequently say that it will get better but I know it won't. They say I should look for someone else and I know I won't. I hate the phrase that Death is a part of life. Not really true death is , I feel, a (cliche) crossing over for the one who died but a just too bad for those left behind. I hope I don't offend any one's faith because I do have faith too but I know Harry is in a better place but I am in a terrible palce and I am happy for him but I guess feeling sorry for my self. I have read so many books on grieving but none help they just make me feel worse because I cannot seem to move on and don't think I ever will. I miss Harry as much today as I did the day after he died.

Better luck next time?? What kind of comment is that? Or How lucky we are. Considering how sick Jimmy was for most of our marriage, I do kinda feel lucky I had him that long. But
under normal conditions, we should all have had them many many yeaRS. Makes me not want
to converse with anyone much. I would probably
be an a--ho-- and jump at them. Why dont we
all get in a big truck and go beat the hell out of all of them? Ignorance cannot be an excuse. We would all feel better. :)
I feel like a Maxine wannabe sometimes.

Linde

I agree with you 110% You don't know until you wear the t-shirt!

I have heard that dumb-ass remark more than I can count. Walk a mile in someones shoes who has lost someone and let me know how "death is part of life". Duh, don't we all know that. Some people I think don't know what to say so they say stupid things like that

I completely agree. Also the "you're young, there will be someone else" and "you'll get over this"...how do you "get over" losing the love of your life at 26???? (or any age for that matter). I will NEVER get over it, I don't want anyone else and yes, I HATE having to be so happy and perky at work and around friends/family because they think my life should just move on like that. My life was planned out with my fiance and now he's gone...therefore I have no life anymore.

JarodsFiance you bring up a good point - one that people also don't understand, that we have to grieve not just the past that we lost, but we are stuck having to grieve the future we now will not have. It doesn't matter if you're 26 and just starting out or if you middle-aged or beyond - we all had expectations of things we were going to do and experience with our spouses that aren't going to happen, or if they do happen, we're alone going through it. We're remaking our future not just missing what was. I'm having to put the past into perspective while rethinking my future and while having to live and survive in the present. It's like living across all phases of time at once - who but someone going through it could possibly understand that?

thanks cliffskat...it's really hard when people at work say "glad to see you're better"...it's been 2 months people, and when i'm work, I can't be crying all the time and mean to people or not talk - I'd lose my job!! I HAVE to be "normal" at work. I'm NOT better...actually, as time goes on it's been getting worse because now it's really sinking in and I'm having to make decisions SOLO and thinking about how we were looking for a new place to live together, now I have to find one on my own and live ALONE. I'm not originally from this area, so outside of my family Jarod was literally all I had. I know people try and say the "right" things or just things to make you feel better but a lot of times it doesn't help. i've had a lot of comments on the tattoo I got in Jarod's memory and they say "what about the next guy you date, what if he doesn't like that?" how could I think about dating right ???? Jarod was IT, my soulmate, there will be no one else (then they say "oh you say that now, you're young, blah blah") NO, I will NEVER love anyone like I loved Jarod or as much. And if by some chance I do date again someday 50 years from now and the guy doesn't like it...he can take a hike.

i hate having to act "normal" at work that is one of the hardest things I have to do. I miss Harry so much that I sitll have to go into the bathroom and cry for a few minutes. No one knows what it feels like until it happens to them .Period
Janet

Some of the people I work with have been great, and some have just been incredibly stupid and thoughtless. A couple of months after my husband died, I was at an office gathering and someone actually said, "wow! You've lost so much weight! Are you dieting or working out or what?" I wanted to say, 'you dumb b---- - yeah, I lost 230 pounds in November, his name was Cliff.' Others that were there at the time intervened or who knows what would have happened... but then maybe I'm just too sensitive....