I completely understand. I find myself trying to explain something silly and to no avail. I realize that no one will get some of the silly things, the fun memories, the moments that are locked in my heart alone. I think that's okay...I want to keep some of them for myself. I get to smile, or cry...or laugh out loud...at some of those memories...and they belong to me and Larry alone.

Positive thoughts to you...A.

Hi Mary, I find myself growing more and more used to this living alone thing. And honestly, I do find some aspects and advantages to it. I see some similarities of when 40 years ago I left home and went to college -- I was free and could do anything I wanted (but I had to learn about consequences). But I believe myself to be better with someone I am deeply in love with -- at least I was with Juanita. And sharing our memories and our life together, well, there is nothing better. Me, I've only been around this block one time, and all I know is that our life together was wonderful despite all the bumps, bruises, catastrophes and heartaches. But we hung onto one another no matter what, we leaned on one another, we strengthened one another, and yes, we lived our life together. It was not my life, and it was not her life, it was our life, and we worked hard to make it the wonderful life it was. And I think the memories you speak of are all part of that. I remember when I was just a young buck of 16 and got my driver's license. I turned into a wild cuss. And I approached life as an adventure and wanting all the experiences it had to offer. And I did some really crazy and outrageous things. But it wasn't long before I realized in a few years, I couldn't remember those things that were so fun and exciting and I thought, I should have written them down. So in whatever time we have these memories just to ourselves, if they are special, we might want to write them down. Maybe someday we will have someone to share them with. If not, then we've got our memoirs don't we? ~~ Scottie

I am very much with you on this memory thing. You know what it is. We both had the other trained. I don't mean that in a bad way but we had spent so much time together there could almost be as much non verbal communication as there were using words. My wife use to warn me early in our relationship about her extremely dry sense of humor. I found myself over the years developing those habits as much as she picked up on mine. One of my thoughts about the future is that if for some reason some one came along how long would it take at this point in time to develop that same thing. Either way your right those memories can only be between the two people who initially shared them. I am grateful for them.
Peace, Tim

I understand that. Also, people we knew. Like, my husbands boss and friend for many years, died the other day. I told my kids, they didn't remember him. That is so sad. Also events don't seem to phase them, then again, probably was before they were born...Sandee

I have those thoughts too. Sometimes I think about "our" memories but in reality they are my memories. We may have made them together but we each held them in our own way. They are mine to recall whenever and however I choose. The events in those memories did happen and the feelings the memories they evoke are mine alone, to share or hold just for myself. Our paths may have diverged but my mommies of the past are mine to carry with me as I discover what my future holds. Peace to you Mary.
~John

I feel the same way, me and Dan had so many inside jokes and funny sayings that only I would understand. Since his death is still so fresh I find myself thinking oh I cant wait to tell Dan this funny joke I just saw on facebook that I know he would think was hilarious. He had a silly sense of humor that I dont see in anyone else. I too worry about forgetting all those little things as time goes on since it only lives in my head now.

I remember it dawning on me that I was the keeper of our memories and the keeper of his legacy, too. What a strange and wonderful and terribly sad thing it is! It is a gift and an honor to be the one with that responsibility, but oh man, it is so lonely a task, isn't it? It has gotten better over the years - the memories usually make me smile instead of cry now. But it is hard not having anyone who remembers it the way we would. Not even my kids have the same kind of memories.

I feel sometimes like I am being erased just as much as he is being erased. Or like our 30 years happened in a dream, especially since I have so little left of "our" time together.

I do sometimes feel like Amy though - that some of those memories are mine-all-mine and I can be as selfish as I want about them, if that makes any sense.

Sometimes looking through photos helps me with some of it, and I did journal some things as well. I keep thinking it's time to write my memoirs, too, so my boys will have something of me and of us when I am gone.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

The hardest for me are the little private and sometimes embarrassing memories my husband and I shared. You can't really share them will anyone else. Those are the ones that still make me smile. I will always hold them in my heart. And I'm starting to realize how precious all of our memories are and how fortunate I am to have them.

We were lucky enough to travel a lot do to our business. I hated and still do when people say to me, "but you have beautiful memories", Wrong,,,those same memories actually haunt me now..they were beautiful but they are now painful. I am the only one with those memories in my head and what is the sense as I can't reminisce with the only person that was there with me and got itI think they turned sad, for me anyway.

finding myself with no one to share memories with- that happens to me all the time.
It is the stark reality of being only one-half left, of the Whole, which I was with my husband.
42 years of life with someone.. does not die when they do.
xO,
Barbara.

Mary, oh, my gosh, you're so right. All the years of memories that we built together. I could NEVER write down all the experiences that Morey and I had. We had so much fun......and lived really exciting lives together.

Our kids have no idea what we did, except for some of it that we shared with them.

Our futures are truly OURS alone now. Some memories are so distant it seems they happened to someone else and others are still fresh.

They mean NOTHING to anyone but me now!!!!

You know what? I'm so glad that the wonderful memories outweigh the bad one's!!!

Roz

mary, I totally understand. I had something very nice happen to me, and I couldnt share it with my sean, but for some reason, I think he had a hand in it. Everytime I turn around, and something financial happens, god/sean has a way of helping me. I wish that we all didnt have to go through all of this pain, but it happens regardless... Much love and big hugs carla

Sometimes at night when it's quiet, I'll think about my husband. I love those memories. I will smile and chuckle, and think how lucky I am to have those memories. I loved the way Bob used to get embarrassed over small things. He was the cool one who never tripped or let go of an occasional noise in public. Around the pool, he seemed to lose his normal grace and would trip over the sweeper, and face an unplanned swim with as much dignity as he could. Once he tried to rescue a little mouse from the pool. It repeatedly leaped about two feet in the air, making a perfect nose dive back into the pool. I was watching, doubled over with laughter, until he very quickly scooped it up and flipped it over the fence. That was too much for me. I was crying from laughter, and had to remind him that the neighbor's pool was just on the other side of the pool. He looked a little shocked, and I was gone again. He was truly trying to help the little guy. So, I write, and remember again my beautifully spirited husband.

I identify with so many comments on this subject.

Beautiful memories of travel and doing things together
that hit me with pleasant thoughts and pain at the same
time. Inside jokes about people, places and things and
no one else would understand and memories of how
we could make each other laugh but doing silly things
we wouldn't do in front of other people.

We spent 31 years together. We moved through a lot
of valleys and over many mounts together. We created
thousands of memories together. I have been writing
in a journal ( now on my second one ) about anything
and everything I can remember.

But, at times, I pause and then I have this very odd
feeling that it was all a fantastic dream. That conflicts
with my experiences on some mornings when I awake
and briefly think ( only for a few seconds ) that her
death six months ago was only a nightmare.

It is also a challenge to try to share your memories with
other people ( be it family or friends ). They were not
there and cannot touch it or feel it. So, many of the
memories I shall just keep to myself ( and my journals ).

Blessings to all -

Darrell

Today was a hurtful day for meI renewed my passport and the reality of just renewing mine only, really hurt me. We loved our travel and now Passport for one just brought once again just me and not us. So many memories in our previous passport books,,,I am still finding the memories hurtful because I can't share them with him,,,mmm, still daydreaming.