I think maybe she is lonely and looking for someone to talk too, I know, because I feel like that. And she has a good vibe with you, even though she is grieving still. Might also be that you have become a crutch for her, getting through the day, not being alone. Difficult to say what you must do though. Maybe just try to keep some distance for now? Maybe don't answer all the messages, and not immediately. But friendship is important for us after such a loss, just that ear to listen. Hope things work out in a positive manner for both of you.

Thank you Lielie. I think I was also feeling some guilt over the thought of stepping away from things because I didn't want to pull the rug from under her...assuming that the constant contact was important to her. I value her friendship enough to continue with things, but I will now temper my expectations for the future.

Thanks again!

My opinion is of the same of Lielie. You probably have to settle in a gentle confidant role for now. If you push the envelope too hard she will be overwhelmed. It takes many of us a few years to be able to rebuild a new life and regain a sense of optimism again.

Best of luck!

Hi tkw829,I agree with everyone else...I'm husband passed 6 months ago and I'm all over the place and I wouldn't even think about a relationship simply because my heart is still aches for my husband and personally speaking it would be an injustice to the guy who's trying to be in a relationship me.It's a very good thing to communicate with her I'm more than sure it's what help her get through the day and if you pull away from her it may trigger off another loss and that might send her into major depression...we already have issues with loneliness.I wish you guys lots of happiness

Thank you raininseattle and rerouting,

I did jump the gun when she first showed interest because I had no concept of what that kind of loss does to someone, but I feel much more educated now thanks to you and others. I will definitely just be "present" for the time being and let her guide things. Since we're already friends I'm thinking we might just end up being better friends if she has a change of heart down the road which works for me. Thank you all again!

tkw829 , in my opinion it is best to communicate directly with her about your relationship, friendship, or(?) NO MATTER WHAT .. regardless of how she is interacting with you. Or, to be honest Because Of how she is interacting..
Try to figure things out between yourself and her by talking. Listening, Using your own interpersonal skills! Allow yourself and her to make mistakes.
True adult friendship requires authenticity and communication.! How can any "other" widow or widower interpret this woman, and all the complexities she is learning to walk through? WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE.
If I were her, I might "appreciate" your effort to ask for insight from other widows/widowers. BUT, if you substitute "anyone' else's" interpretation OF her, for HER OWN attempts to "work through" learning how to navigate relationship now, you will not have really earned being trusted by her. TRUST takes time to build. Please take the time to learn about her FROM HER.
I guarantee that she has many different things going on at the same time, inside her mind and emotions.
She IS "making progress" during every moment of every single day. Especially when she struggles while interacting with another person :-(....

Thank you for your input AfterMom,

I agree with you 100%. We have had multiple instances where small talk turns serious and she begins asking about my life and I in turn do the same regarding her. And while we always arrive at the same endpoint...need time to heal...Occasionally she will slip up and say things suggesting she is waiting for me to make a move. Every time I act on that(verbally)...she will shut me down immediately and go back to something along the lines of: As soon as I get past this. I'm ok with that but it does throw me for a loop occasionally and I have to pull myself together again :). That's kind of why I came to this forum because I know she is dealing with a whirlwind of emotions and often is afraid to tell me what she is feeling. I just want to approach this in the best way possible without causing any unnecessary pain on either side.

Thank you again.

she's lonely, we're all lonely. Up and down all over the place. I wish I had someone to talk to that could understand or I felt comfortable talking to. I'm glad she has you. cherish the friendship, we all need that.

PS, truth is, she will never "get past" this. This is part of who she is and who she will become EVEN IF she grows to love another man, she will do it while still having all her memories. Our past weaves into our present and then our future. Any disconnect on earth prevents healing. It is denial and even robbery for her to expect herself to get past this. Perhaps, being her friend, you could say "that is neither expected, nor required". She probably does not know that.!. Mathematics will not solve this. It is not "Your life, minus husband equals a brand new you, having left yourself behind". It is more like "Your life plus husband was 2 becoming 1. Now your life minus husband equals the complete unknown, but includes your entire self. If 1 is added, it will equal another mysterious love. Embrace yourself, for very few other people ever do.". We are ALL winging it! Intuitions from the heart. Each day is taken with "a wing and a prayer".
Soldier on. No one left behind.