http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bereavement/support-group

I've sent a link to a support group that you may find very helpful. Loss of a love one being husband, parent, child, or close friend is painful. Moving through that loss takes time and support. Being able to talk about your feeling is a great start to being able to redefine your life and eventually dating if you choose. Before dating there are steps that are necessary to find who you are without the one you lost standing beside you.

You are welcome to visit with us here as often as you need. I just suggest the breavement group because it has a broader base of people suffering from loss. I am so sorry for your pain and wish you well in the days to come. Sharon, Co-CL, Widow-Widowers group

Melismarie: one thing I can say for certain - DON'T RUSH. You will know, really truly know when you are ready. I rushed. I was so lonely, so desperate for male company, because I was in essence widowed spiritually long before I was widowed physically. My late husband's illness was prolonged, it stole the man he was away, and our marriage died long before he did. I rushed into dating, and it was painful, for both myself and my dates. None worked out - all were far, far too soon.
I've decided to take a 1 year break from it. I will concentrate on me, getting healthier, stronger physically and emotionally. And focussing on our kids, to help them through their loss.
Take your time - and when 'friends' ask when you'll date again, just smile and say "eventually".

Melismarie I can relate a lot to what you say. I am 24 and lost my boyfriend 5 months ago. We were not married but I know we would have given the chance. We spoke a lot about our future together, what we'd call our children etc. He was the love of my life. As I'm only young people keep telling me I'll find someone else and love again but I can't imagine being with anyone but Matt. I don't even want other men near me. I know I won't be ready for a good while, like you even the thought of being with someone else upsets me but I don't want to be alone forever.

I'm right there with you. My boyfriend of a year and a half passed away. In theory I want to date again at some point...but letting someone in again like that, even holding another man...I just can't picture it. Time is supposes to help, and I guess that's what I'm waiting for.

you will know when its right, and with who. The thought of being alone for the rest of your life, is something I don't want to do. So, at almost 11 months. I am dating. Its hard and scary. Give it time. redefine yourself as an individual, and don't compromise. You may never be able to have that once in a lifetime love, but then again, you might find it again. Its worth a try.

It begins with a thought. You just think about it for now. There is a great deal of pain to work through before you can consider having a relationship again. Or even date.
Work through the thoughts while you are working through the pain.

I am feeling this way myself. I am 32. My fiance passed away November 16th and I know I will want somebody eventually, but is it fair to them? Like you said. Nobody will ever compare. *hugs*

My husband passed over 4 years ago when i was 31. I started dating 16 months later and have been with him now for almost 3 years. I can tell you this, don't let anyone tell you when you should date. I thought I was ready after those 16 months, and the first few months were difficult. I wasn't sure how the relationship should go and how fast. After 5 months of dating, i finally had the strength to take another step and ask for something more serious.

No one will compare to your lost love. But they do not have to. The next person you date is not the same person, so you really can't compare them. And there is no "I love this person more or less than the other", the love is different, but it is just as intense. It is just as wonderful. I have a wonderful relationship now, and he respects my loss and sometimes I still have pain. I have no regrets for taking a step forward and dating again. But I did it at my own pace, in my own time. You will know when it is right for you. For me it wasn't that i felt ready to get out there again, it was my now bf that i started feeling something for and that's when i started thinking i could try again.

sorry for you loss,

lisa

I lost my husband on Valentine's day of bone cancer AND I lost my sister 9 days later of a brain bleed. Some days I don't get out of bed until 1pm and then I eat and I go back to bed until 4 - 5pm. I don't want to clean, I don't want to cook (Currently only eating breakfast, after that, I often only have shakes like Ensure plus).

I too think of dating and I am terrified of the idea but I think that we should think differently. Instead of calling it dating, maybe we could call it seeking friendship. I think like you about kissing another man. I was 37 years with my husband so to be with another man is scary indeed. But friendship? I think that would be really nice. I think would like to talk with a widower and be a friend to a man who probably needs the friendship as much as I do.

My advice is if you do start seeing a man, you should start with just friendship. Take your time and if he is impatient, too bad for him. You need time to heal and you decide when you want to be kissed, no one else.

Have as happy a new year as you can. Carmen


There is not much positive in my life but I'm trying to change that. I have joined a Church that I really like. Really nice down to earth people attend, all willing to give you a real sincere hug. I have been going every Sunday. It is not helping much with my at home life but it gets me out of the house for a few hours and I have to drive at night which I never would do, so this is a positive. Maybe a Church would help you, you need the right kind of Church though. You need a Church where you can attend and actually say that you received a message there that night. I seem to have lucked out with the pastor where I go. He is an awesome speaker.

Another thing that I am still doing are family days. We have been doing family days for years and the kids always come here usually on Saturdays. This makes me cook, it forces me to come up with menus and actually cooking the food. I was so lost at first but I am cooking up a big meal for New Year's Day so that kept me busy tonight. Tomorrow the kids will be here and have supper --- but then they will leave and the lonely will come once again. I guess we just have to do the time. It's like a sentence - our worlds have been so totally turned around. I am frightened about my future but I am working on changing my attitude that is so negative to a more positive one. I guess we have to go one day at a time.

I hope you have the best New Year's day as you possibly can under the circumstances. I'm not sure how to do the friend thing on this website, if you do, you could request me to be your friend. Maybe we can help each other, our stories are so much alike.
Carmen "

You can cope with friendship at this stage - not a bad thing, all really great relationships start with a solid foundation of friendship. There is no betrayal of your boyfriend, and getting on with the business is wholesome and good. This guy is not a replacement but give him his own place in your life

Lisa-I really like what you said about a new love being "different" and not "better". I find myself defending my lost love Alex when people say "Oh, you're only 24, you'll find someone better". I say "No, not better. Someday I will find someone different". I will defend his love as long as I feel I need to. It also brings me a lot of hope that you have started a new relationship and are very happy! I'm so glad you brought that up!