Personally, I think it's too soon. I am married to a widowed man, and I was also widowed at the time. I couldn't even think about dating for two years. My now-husband dated two women before me, much too soon. Those relationships didn't work out. I'm glad I met him at the four year mark, when he was ready.

I don't think anyone can decide when another person is ready. It's a personal choice. And I don't think it's always the first person to come along that is going to be the "one" to build a relationship with.
I suggest you ask him these questions. He might just be lonely, but he might truly be interested in you. You are just as responsible to him to have open communication.
I've heard of people dating before their spouse passed away. Don't be too quick to judge. My husband died of cancer and for 18 months we drifted further and further apart and our relationship changed. I was alone well before he took his last breath. I was a single woman taking care of a dying man. I honored that.
We all have different circumstances. Just ask him.

Thanks for your comments. Just trying to understand how it must feel.

One other note, I was thinking about the children and other family members and their feelings. I guess I don't want to be that person that swoops in and potentially hurts others. It would make me feel bad about myself.

Men don't want to be alone so they look for someone right away. Also at this stage he is so new to the loss he's still numb. I was like that in the beginning, I wanted to find someone for company right away. I never did but I was still needing someone.

You don't know what kind of relation he had with his wife so maybe he's really not bothered by it or covering it up or in denial. You just never know. Be careful and don't get hurt.

Well let's not generalize about all guys here :). Actually there is quite a bit of difference is us guys.

I have my best friend who lost his wife six years ago. He would be open to another relationship but he has not found anyone he is interested in ( plenty of women have been interested in him ) and he has adjusted to being comfortable being alone.

My own dad got married about 18 months after my mom died so there can be quite a difference. I know that my dad loved my mom deeply and my friend also loved his wife deeply. So you can't say anything about widows in general :)

To the topic opener: he is a guy, and all guys have issues. Just get to know him and figure him out. If he is not ready for ration you will know.

And how his kids will react is also not something you can generalize.

Bob

I admire you for your unselfish concerns for his and his familys interests. That widow is actually lucky to meet someone with integrity.
I hear time and again that is only an individual can decide about the time between the funeral and the date and the subsequent affection. No one is taking away your right to do what to do with your life; it is yours with your decisions and their consequences. We are here to support and help each other. I post responses because I care, and if my position does not resonance with you, no hard feelings.
There are some unwritten and unspoken rules, where mourning of a loved one, respect for your family , and honor his or her memories are not old-fashioned empty words.
Having said that, the context or a set of the circumstances at death are vary widely, and some were grieving for a long time before the actual death. It does not mean that they are a perfect dating material right after it happened. Survivors have work to do, restoring their life and often restoring life of their children into some sense of balance.
It is hard work while we at our weakest that is why it is so tempting to seek an escape from hurt, confusion, and despair. And many do which often spells disaster for them and their families.
As a rule, men are more inclined to seek a refuge from their pain by having a new companion. It is not because of their lack of the uprightness, but simply because they are not taught how to grieve.
Women typically have a stronger network; they are also more into expressing their pain, and seeking opportunities to share their memories with their families, friend, through counseling, etc.
By no means has this implied that there is a real attraction and real possibilities of a relationship with that manas long as you are prepared to join someone on his long and sometimes volatile journey of recovery from the major loss.
Whatever your decision, I respect you for your sincere concern for that man.
All the best.

Im male and close to a year out. I havent dated yet and its hard to know when I will. Im very lonely without my wife and life is still hard. At times I wonder if having someone in my life might help me move forward. I did ask someone out for dinner at around 9 months as she seemed like someone I would like to get to know better. She declined
and I was OK with that. I would move slow and just be friends first.
Russ

According to what you posted, it sounds like you already made your decision.

However, I like inserting my opinion, so here it goes: I believe it might be too soon for this man to date. He is most likely starting to feel lonely and might be looking for a replacement for the wife (transference). IF you are offering a lot of sympathy, then that might be the attraction. Dating someone might also be a validation of his existence, since his wife is gone. I don't want to sound negative here, but I wouldn't want to see either of you get hurt. IF you decide to continue the relationship, thread lightly. Maybe he is just looking for companionship. Aren't we all? It's hard to tell from one date/meeting.

I am just past a year and have been thinking about the possibility of dating and it terrifies me. I think it is up to each individual. It seems 6 months would be too soon, but who are we to judge, we don't know his story.

I am 9 months out and right now, it seems way too early. But at the same time, it is very lonely and being able to talk to someone who is going thru the same thing seems like it would help. More of a friendship and someone to go do things with, without "dating". It is awkward to go out with married friends but also awkward to go out with single people.

I think you're a wise woman, Patty. The first year especially is one filled with so much emotional turmoil, you (me, I mean) don't really know which end is up. I thought I did, at the time - but in looking back, I was a walking zombie. Maybe he's come to grips with it, I don't know. But it doesn't sound like it. Marsha

One thing that I knew right from the start was that I did not want to be alone and my wife is not coming back. I started dating after about 4 months. Casual meals out and such. About 6 months out I started seeing a widow on a fairly regular basis. I informed my adult children that I had a friend and told them that she would not be coming to any family events or holidays during the first year and that they would only meet her if we were still dating after a year since my wife passed. All of my children have told me that they worry about me less since I seem to be having some fun return to my life and that they are happy for me. My friend was very understanding and this caused no problems for her. I wanted to let my children experience this first year with no added emotional distress. I seem to be following in my dad's footsteps, he introduced a companion to us about a year after my mom died at the age of 70.

I think that it may be too soon for him to be dating. I also admirer your wisdom and concerns about this. I also agree that is depends on the state of their marriage. I dated my boyfriend for a year and a half before he passed (it's been 4 months for me) and I probably wouldn't be comfortable dating until the 1 year mark after my mind has had time to recover from the loss.

Best regards,
Anna

I am at 8 months and so lonely even though I do a lot and have friends. I am 67. I know I could never love anyone like my husband, but I do get so lonely. At this point I'd just like a companion and no intimacy a nd what man is going to go along with that? in some ways a widower would understand better, but does that really matter. I'm not ready...but hate the thought of spending the rest of my life alone. The on line stuff I just couldn't do...too many bad stories

Sorry about the generalizing between men & women. I just put in that statement because my friend at church mentioned that ... I realized after I posted it that everyone is different and it was wrong for me to say that.

Thank you for your comments and feedback. I'll give them all some thought.