You're not alone Wendy. Life is not fair.

I vacillate from okay~~ to miserable~~ to okay.

Meanwhile I continue to cover up by acting okay...........because few to zero people want to know how I really feel.

BTW, I'm 14 months

Karen

I wish I could say something postive to you. I lost my husband 3 1/2 years ago and I still cry most days. Like today, Sunday afternoon, I have spent a few hours out shopping just to try to fill up the lonliness but had to come home because I just feel so terrible. People say it gets easier but most of the time I have a hard time believing that. Week-ends are the worst for me. I'm sure it is heartbreaking to think He won't be with you during this wonderful time for your daughter. I had my last granddaughter 1 month after Jim passed. It was a time that should have been filled with nothing but joy. I like to think that he was the first to hold her in his arms. I believe your Husband will be with you and your daughter. We just have to learn to learn to live with this somehow.

I hope I haven't made you more depressed than you are.

Hang in there Wendy!!

Linda

I lost my husband 2 years and 3 months ago. I still cry alot. It seems to be touched off by certain songs, an anniversary or something someone says. I have always been a cryer and used to try and hid my tears from Jim. Now I don't have to hide my tears anymore. Sometimes they just sneak up on me. I am lonely and alone and I hate my life sometimes but I keep going knowing there must be more to life than this. The pain has eased quite a bit but it hasn't left completely and I wonder if it ever will. Sorry but I am not yet a happy widow.

I am far enough along on my healing journey where the pain is simply now a part of the wonderful memories I have of my husband. I still miss him terribly and at times it can feel overwhelming but it is a settled in pain of loss and now is a part of all the wonderful memories I have of him. It is a process of pain that has no set path to follow for it follows our hearts.

For me I will always have a gaping hole and have the pain of such a huge loss but now that space is filled with the wonderful cherished memories that bring me such comfort. It still has the pain but it is now wrapped in all the love and memories of our life together.

Gentle ((hugs)) of comfort sent your way.

:-) Patricia

I am reading a great book that talks about exactly what you are going through. There is no stop to grief, there is no end date to it. We will pass through the many emotions throughout the rest our of living days. The book states that if you did not fully deal with the grief in the beginning, it can come back later just as strong as before.

I bet it has a lot to do with your upcoming wedding. I am only at 2 1/2 months, so I am only basing this on the reading I have done. I am still in the acute parts. I hope you are able to find some happy thoughts and enjoy your daughter's wedding. I plan on walking mine down the aisle. After all, I am now her mom and dad, I should get the honors....LOL>

I have pretty much accepted that my "life" is over and what time I have left I can work to help others. But life as I knew it is gone and there will never be another one for me. When I get envious of snuggly couples, I remind myself that Joe and I had our turn for snuggles and we paid no attention at all to the lonely people who were sitting alone at church. When I get envious of a young mother playing with her toddler, I long to be her, but then I remember that I had my turn and now it is her turn. Truly, there are still joys out there, but none to compare with the love, support and companionship we had with our soulmates. It's over. I had my turn. Now it's time to accept what I have at this point in my life and make the best of it. I believe that God in his wisdom knows better than I what should take place and when. Even the separation from our hubbys while waiting on our turn to go to heaven. We can't concieve why it would be this way, but God is almighty and his way is higher and greater than mine. Now, I will wipe my tears and keep trudging down this road I'm on.

Wendy...I had a strong wave of grief hit me at 15 months...I think the impending wedding probably is in the backof your mind. I just had to go through...and then another wave hit me for the last few weeks ..couldnt stop crying....had my son pray over me and I have been better. This week coming up is my 2nd year ..not looking forward to it....wish I could give you more positive encouragement..its a day to day walk as you know....hugs to you... Debbie..

Every time we go through a life change..(a wedding, losing someone else, a graduation, a birth, a birthday, an anniversary, a holiday)...no matter if it is a happy event or sad event we face new waves of grief. That's why they say that grief is circular and not linear. I think down the road we just get better and better at handling the waves...even the big ones. So I think what you are going through is normal and I think two years from now when a major event comes up you will still grieve but will recognize the emotions more quickly and be able to handle them as normal. Sending you lots of bear hugs as you go through these days..
-Diana

Missmy hero said it so perfectly. All these events whether they be happy, a milestone, or even sad, we miss them so much more because they are not here to share it with, and the rawness comes rushing back.

I attended my neice's wedding recently. I was at five months then. The ENTIRE week before I cried myself to sleep every single night. I did get to the wedding, and I even enjoyed it. The promise of new life, and love. all that goes with the day. Then they played a song. It was our wedding song. I excused myself, and CRIED BUCKETS in the ladies room, and then put myself back together, and went back to the family.

We never know when it will hit or where. You will get through the wedding, with both happiness for them and sadness for what was. But you WILL get through it!!!

HUGS and hopes.....

Diane

I lost my husband a little over 2 years ago and Saturday I had a huge crying fit. I have never felt the anger part of grief, even though he died by suicide. I know how much he suffered and all I could do is love him and feel compassion for his pain. Saturday, though, I got mad! I think I was more mad at the fact that I am left alone and miss having a best friend/companion...but whatever the reason..,I was angry. I rarely get angry so I honestly think it was good for me.I slept so good that night! I still cry when I think back on what we shared and what we wanted...especially if I'm looking at pictures. I am sure the wedding would make you feel emotional anyway... because most weddings do, especially if it's your daughter! And now it isn't going like you planned it, His absence is something you have to deal with and that has to be hard. I pray God holds you up during this time and that your daughter has a beautiful wedding. Maybe you could write him a letter and tell him about it later. That might sound dumb but it helps me. :)