I'm so sorry for your loss, and for all the reminders that keep coming up and slapping you in the face, so to speak...my husband was 59 when he died from liver disease...while we had a chance to say the things we wanted to say, it still felt 'sudden', at least for me, because I wouldn't let myself believe that he would die, even though several doctors told me he would, even though he was in a hospice at the end. His mind was gone right at the end, and I'm not sure that he even knew that we were there in the last 2 days of his life. And the guilt! I keep second guessing myself...why didn't I get him to the doctor sooner? Why didn't I see this coming? etc...In the two months that he was in hospital before he died, I was desperate to try to save him..kind of like trying to run up a down escalator...or bailing water from a sinking ship with a child's sand pail..I even offered to give him half my liver, but they said we weren't a match and that he was too sick to undergo the surgery anyway...and then there was the cancer...I don't think it's easy no matter how the person you love the most in the world dies..the fact is, we are left alone to deal with it either way...and either way, it's painful as Hell and it's not fair...again, I'm so sorry for your loss...we've been dealt a devastating hand that we never asked for nor wanted.

My wife never woke up for her first day of retirement.

Things we wanted to share afterwards never happened, and I think of them every time a reminder pops up.

Seeing others have those moments is a reminder, all I can try to do is be happy for them to have that opportunity.

What to do with ourselves now is the hard part, hope time is good to you and you find your way to happier times.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it's hard to see other couples. But really what can we do? When we go out with them they're just trying to be "normal" for us. We can't blame them because they still are a couple and we are not. It's not their fault. Yes it's hard to see them and think that it should be you and it isn't fair but it happens to everyone soon or later. You also have to realize on Facebook that most people show the good and happy times and don't log about the bad. Don't base things off of that because to me it's kind of a false reality. Please don't say that you envy people who spouses had a disease and that we got to goodbye. It's not that easy and certainly not comforting in any way. I've seen death both ways. My mother died right in front of me suddenly. My husband took the slow road of six devastating years. Watching the love of my life and best friend deteriorate to a state of helplessness and despair was horrifying. His pride, his health, his happiness and his entire being was compromised. There were years of doctors and tests and operations and near death experiences and heartbreak that left every day with an ache in the pit of your stomach wondering if it was to be the last. Many times there were accidents with bodily functions. On the flipside it ruined our family financially as most people are prepared for some setbacks but nothing like we endured. He couldn't work due to his illness and couldn't collect any kind of assistance as we owned a business, a home and a rental and I work full time. We sold everything we could just keep a roof over our head and food on the table but we made it. We made it because of love. Believe me. I wouldn't trade any of that for the world as long as I had him in it. I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to show you that either way our spouses leave us is devastating. And as far as being able to say goodbye... I'm still not sure which is worse. Yes, I got to say goodbye as I looked down at my husband on a ventilator hoping and praying that he understood what I was trying to say. I watched my daughter and her boyfriend say goodbye to the man I love and the man she adored with such a heavy heart that I thought it would explode. I got to say to the nurse when she looked at me after the third cardiac arrest with such sad eyes to let him go. No body should have to endure that abuse anymore. As you can see, it isn't as peaceful and easy as some people seem to think it is, being able to say goodbye. Sometimes it's harder. And the road leading up to it is the worst. Let me also add the we sat with my 15 year old niece several years ago as she took her last breath after a 3 year galant fight with cancer. True... It is closure, but the path leading up to it was pure hell. I'm truly sorry to all those who have lost their partners in devastating accidents. I couldn't imagine that. Up until recently, I couldn't have imagined any of this in my worst nightmare. But in the end...it's just life. It truly happens to everyone. Everyone has a story. I guess what I'm trying to say is we can't compare ourselves to people who are living and who are couples that are happy or to people who have died and how it happened. Either way it's horrible and I wouldn't wish any scenario on my worst enemy. I know you're hurting and I know you're trying to figure out why things happen the way they did. I know it's redundant but it's true that it does take time. Listen to people on this site. You will see how they have endured this fight. They have been knocked down just like us but somehow have been able to pry themselves off of the ground and stand again on their own two feet. You have come to a great place to vent all of your feelings and we are all here for you. Again... Please accept my deepest condolences in the loss of your husband. May you find peace and strength on the road that you're now on. And my you find comfort in the beautiful memories of a long happy marriage that you were lucky to be a part of.
Love to you
Darcie

Darcie, thank you for your words of wisdom. I lost Amy suddenly and unexpectedly and although I wish I could have said goodbye and many other last words I wish I could have said that haunt me, I am grateful she did not suffer or have a slow death from a long lingering illness or injury. Like Darcie said it's all just as devastating in the end.
Carrie I am so sorry for your loss although we all try there is no making sense of our awful situations. The painful reality is death is part of life and grief is the price we pay for loving so much.
I truly hope things get easier for you soon. Peace to you. ~Pete

Carrie, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband also died suddenly nine months ago. It is devastating to have your world shattered in the blink of an eye. I grieve not getting to say goodbye, but I would never have wanted him to suffer. I think we envision saying goodbye like in the movies, a peaceful scene where everything is calm and the dying person just closes their eyes and drifts off. That's not real life. I've learned from my friends here that no matter how long death has been anticipated, it is just as shocking and horrible as sudden death, and most times just as chaotic. The horror is the same. No one is ever ready.

I'm sorry to say, but our friends do not understand how long this horrible grieving process lasts. I'm sure the couple you were out with think you're "over it"by now. They don't mean to be cruel. They just don't get it. I know I didn't until it happened to me.

Most of us here in these early months feel crippled and paralyzed. We all feel that it was unfair that it was our spouses who had to die. We're all just trying to move forward with our lives one day at a time. We're here to help you as you travel this lonely road. Feel free to come here and talk, vent, ramble or whatever. We all understand.

Linda

Carrie, When will we find the peace to deal with our particular circumstances? Probably never. We simply resign ourselves to the fact that he's gone and there was NOTHING we could do to save him.

Some of us had to watch a painful, horrible, tortuous death for our loved one's and some of us were shocked and surprised by the quickness of it all. And, some got a phone call..........

It leads us all to wander the path of grief.

We must turn our faces to the sun and watch the shadows fall behind us!

Roz