Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hi All,
A dear friend asked me about coping with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - "PTSD" - in relation to losing our spouses. PTSD of course was first labeled as such when our Vietnam vets came back from the war with it. It was called different things in the past - combat fatigue or shell shock in the previous wars. In recent years, the term PTSD has been recognized as encompassing other traumas as well, in particular witnessing traumatic deaths, natural disasters, or experiencing sexual abuse/assault. For a more detailed description of PTSD, here is good article:
PTSD Fact Sheet: Frequently Asked Questions from the National Center for PTSD, U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs:
https://www.brainline.org/article/ptsd-fact-sheet-frequently-asked-questions
One of the key criteria for PTSD is how long the symptoms (flashbacks, panic attacks, nightmares, and others) have lasted. It is normal in the first few weeks and months after a traumatic event to experience these symptoms. If however they have lasted over 6 months, and they are interfering with your normnal functioning (I know that's a vague term but bear with me), then you may want to discuss it with a therapist or your doctor. Only a professional can diagnose PTSD, and it's best to work with a professional to overcome it.
I have PTSD residual effects from Cliff's death and a number of other traumatic events which I don't want to go into here. I have had therapy for all of them. Therapy helps. Some basic things that may help you cope in the meantime are as follows, which are included in a helpful article on the NAPAC website: https://napac.org.uk/path-to-recovery/
GROUNDING TECHNIQUES
Connecting to your breath, your five senses and your body is the best way to calm yourself at times when flashbacks or anxiety feel overwhelming. These steps provide easy-to-follow guidance.
Breathe:
- Sit on a chair, place both feet flat on the floor, and breathe slowly and steadily into your belly so it expands.
- Breathe in for a count of two – breathe out for a count of four.
- Keep your focus on the breath – on the way in and on the way out.
- Breathe this way for at least five minutes or until your breath becomes more calm and regular.
Check your five senses
- Say out loud what you are experiencing as you check in with each of your senses:
- Smell – what can you smell? Pick up something that you like and smell it deeply. A soothing smell is the fastest way to signal calm and safety to your nervous system.
- Touch – what can you touch around you? How does the chair you are sitting on or the clothes on your body feel? Hold a warm cup of tea in your hands or a cold bottle against your face. Notice the sensations.
- Sight – what can you see around you? Say out loud what you can see. Describe it in detail – the colours, the shapes, the objects.
- Taste – can you taste anything? Say out loud what the last thing you ate tasted like. Describe it in detail – was it sweet? Sour? Did you like it?
- Sound – what can you hear? Describe in detail what you can hear – is it traffic? Birds? Your own breathing? People talking?
Move your body
- Stamp your feet. Notice the sensation and sound as they hit the floor. Remind yourself you can run now.
- Move around. Take your time and notice the movement of each step and notice how your legs, arms, feet and hands feel while you move.
- Hold your shoulders right up to the ears and let them drop. Repeat as many times as it takes to release tension.
- Clap and rub your hands together. Hear the noise and feel the sensations in your hands and arms.
There is also a PTSD support board here at Daily Strength which you may find helpful. They also have two experienced Community Leaders. You can check that board at:
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd
If you think you may have PTSD in relation to your spouse's death, please do consult with your doctor or counselor/therapist. You don't have to suffer needlessly, and it doesn't need to derail you forever. I still have things that will trigger it, but I can cope better with it now.
I hope this helps.
Love and Hugs,
Martha, co-Community Leader