Glad to meet you :) There is usually someone on here to chat with..my husband after a 6 year terminally ill experience passed this passed March 3 /16..I have been angry with myself alot as of late..I wanted to feel better and i thought it was going well and then ...I am discovering things about me i dislike, i like ,and basically this is a jungle of emotions..Anger...loneliness..sadness..these emotions will be triggered by anything. There though will be moments of Gratitude...keep remembering everything you are grateful for..that really helps me feel better and not as lost. Breathe...try to walk,exercise and try not to hide yourself But if you want to it is your right..(((Hugs))) This was my second husband who has passed ..there is a Light !!

It will be 4 years for me in February. Here are a few things i have learned. You can not predict your grief. Everyone is different in how they feel, express and acknowledge their grief. I found that I was numb at first and I joined several Hospice groups. I was hoping that in joining the groups I would be able to push through my grief faster. I would say that the groups helped me a lot but it did not speed up the grieving process. After the numbness I went silent for almost a year. I did not talk much or sing. I felt devoid of speech, there just was nothing i could say that would adequately express what I felt. I did not want to be around people and most people left me feeling angry or restless. Then the anger came and like Shelda said, a jungle of emotions which pretty much lasted another year. So now at facing my 4th Christmas holiday without him I find I am mostly peaceful. I have a tree and some decorations. I look forward to being with some family. I can now think of Don and years past without bawling. Instead a kind of nostalgia is there.
So for now i say be gentle with yourself. If you are a person of faith, draw strength from your faith. Join Hospice group if your ready. Be sure to drink plenty of water. Make sure you have at least one good meal a day. Sleep when you can.
I am truly sorry you find yourself here but come here and read the posts, share, it does help.
big {{HUG}} to you. Cheryl

I am so very sorry for you loss. I became a widow in Sept 2015 at 55 years old. My husband was 59 and died after a 30 day hospitalization following a sudden cardiac arrest. I'd say I was numb for a long time. After the first month I did cry but not as much as I began to close to his first anniversary. Our first grandchild was actually born on his anniversary if you can believe that! Talk about mixed emotions. I miss him still but the deep pain has subsided to some degree. We all go through our journey in a different way. For me I keep very busy with work and family and friends. I go to church and read books on grief, the afterlife and scripture. Whatever it takes to get through this in a healthy way is fine. I exercise and I believe it helps tremendously. Be kind to yourself and allow the emotions to come out. Come to this site and read and write. It's extremely helpful to know others have experienced this loss and survived. I wish you peace ion your journey. God Bless. Marybeth

So sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 40 years in February after being her 24 hour a day care provider during her last 4 years. At 60 years of age I couldn't see returning to work but did decide to get a pet from the humane society to keep me company, when the weather allows we go for walks during the day. I looked for volunteer opportunities to force myself to leave the house. I did attend the grief counseling at Hospice for about 6 months but after that time felt they were deepening my grief so left. Take your time to find yourself, one day at a time. Take care and God Bless, Dave

I am 68 years old as well, I lost my husband 8 months ago today on 4/11/16. We didn't have any kids so its just me and my 3 cats now. I was caretaker for my husband for the last 12 years after he had a traumatic brain injury, he also had alot of other medical issues, I can relate to what you say in regards to the things you miss about him, I miss all of those things as well and more. I used to always check to make sure my husband was still breathing also sometimes too. It was always comforting when I knew he was comfortable and sleeping soundly, there are just so many things I miss about him, I could go on and on. I have a couple of messages from him on my phone that I saved, sometimes I listen to them just to hear his voice again. He was my soulmate, we were married 34 years, I don't know what I will do with the rest of my life, I just leave that up to God but I am ready to go whenever He wants me I have no fear of death. There will never be another person in my life that I could ever relate to in the same way as my husband, we had so many things in common that we shared. Like you, I just continue to do my everyday tasks and try to just take one day at a time. I actually used to do more in the beginning, but now I am getting more reclusive.

Hi, my name is Jeanne and I lost my husband 1 week before you did. It was sudden and such a shock. He was 57 and I am 51. We were married for 30 years. I want you to know you are not alone and you are not a 3rd wheel. Let people be there, let them help. Let them be around you. If they offer let them. You need it right now. I am sure you are a lovely person and you have been through so much trauma first as a caretaker second as a widow. Let people love you. I am always here to chat with you :-) Jeanne

I am so sorry for your loss and glad that you have found this board. As to when you start feeling something, well, it is different for everyone. My husband suffered so much that for the first three weeks after his death, I felt only relief. The pain came later. It has been four months now and I still hate that first moment of the day, when I wake up and realize he is gone and this is forever. I guess the one thing I have learned is that grief is not linear. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back. Some days you swear you are making good progress, only to break down crying an hour later. It is also possible to have joy and sorrow together, like when I look at the one grandson of ours who looks so much like my husband. I have found widowhood to be a roller coaster of emotions but yes, numbness is also part of it. I hope you feel better soon.

Sylvia

Hi, my name is Gail...I lost my husband Dennis, 18 months ago, when I was 69, we were married 50 years and were high school sweethearts..he was 70...I found he had passed suddenly in his sleep and I found him..I know what you mean, about missing the every day simple things..Coffee in the morning, talking about our day, going out to lunch or Costco's one of his favorite things to do..but I'm glad he got to pass the way he wanted too...I'm sorry your husband had to suffer for so long...
I found from the first day I had to get up, shower get dressed, make my bed and continue the every day things, as best I could..Because I knew if I took to my bed, I might never get out of it..I remember standing in my kitchen and feeling lost, and crying and sometimes screaming at him for leaving me...
There are no short cuts to grieving, you have to go straight through it..never let anyone tell you should be over it x amount time...We all grieve differently..It's just a different kind of normal, now for me...I still have sad days, but it's mostly just missing Dennis, my best friend and lover, that's the worst..and his sense of humor and hugs...I have good family support, which has helped me a lot..we have helped each other, is a better way to put it, because they also lost their Dad and Grandfather...
Just remember also, as fortunate as we were to have had them in our lives, they were also fortunate to have had us in their lives...Take care of you now, come here often there are lots of wonderful people on here who are making the same Journey through grieve as you are..
Don't cry because it's over..Smile because it happened...Peace and prayers..Gail...

I welcome you to this group. Recently I had a tooth extracted. I'll spare you with the details but the stabbing pain reminded me so much of the one I felt when I lost my partner. The pain crowded out everything at first, but eventually it will be further apart and you'll have time to breathe in between. It is a process of developing pain tolerance; a process to re-access and to re-define what is important to you going forward.