Hello Navi...thank you for sharing your story and sorry for your loss

It has been about nine months for me and I visit this site every week or so, when I need to connect and see that I am not crazy in my grief nor alone with struggling through this process.

It is not that misery loves company, it is that a shared experience hopefully makes carrying the weight a little easier on everyone!

I think it is hard for non-widowed people to realize how losing your spouse is so all encompassing. Everything I did somehow touched her or made me think about sharing it with her or telling her about it and all of the sudden, bang, you are on an island.

People will offer and say to talk or reach out anytime, but they don't understand the level of loss.

I have better days from the intense grief now and you will also as you get farther along. Reach out to local groups if they have them in your area and keep busy if you can.

This stuff is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and I wish you the best in your journey.

joe

Hi,
I am sorry for your loss. I loss my husband of 51 years almost a year ago. I have done the year of firsts, holidays, birthdays , anniversary etc, and have had to make some difficult personal decisions concerning finances and keeping our large home. Since Covid I have had to rely on online support groups and deciding to sell our home as kept me busy which is essential. I miss the campanionship and having someone to take care of, as strange as that sounds.
I wish you all the best and know that you are not alone.
Sherry

I'm so sorry for your loss, Navi. I can relate. I lost my hubby of 23 years after a 3 1/2 yr. battle with cancer. His bday will be coming up later this week. I lost him last October. We are also in our 50s.

I understand what you mean about having someone to take care of. It becomes our life, our way of being.

The loneliness of not having the one you shared every nuance with is crushing.

They say, keep busy, meaning well, of course. But sometimes keeping busy means crying on the couch. You do what you can for that day, for that hour, or minute. Don't feel guilty about that. Take the time you need.

To me, it feels like yesterday, when in reality it's been close to 11 months.
There are good days, along with the hard days.

Take it slowly. Don't rush with decisions, your mind isn't ready for that. I've made a few doozies.

Allow yourself the time to be sad, and mourn. There is no other way through.

Talk to your hubby... I talk to mine all the time. Makes it feel not quite so alone. Because they are with us, I do not doubt this.

I still talk to mine daily, and throughout the day, I tell him that I miss him. That I wish we were together. I ask him to help me. And He does. Sounds strange, I know. But I have been able to do some things that have no other explanation.

I had some pictures printed up. I have them everywhere, even in the car. I keep him with me.
I put some little fairy lights (blue, his fave) around one of them. A special area, just for him, but also for me.

There will be terribly rough times. You'll have to do what you can to hold on. Whether it's just cry, scream, watch tv, listen to music, walk, garden, paint. Just whatever you feel you can muster.
I won't lie. It won't be easy. I have wanted to just die, just end it, many times.
But know this - you can get through this. Just hold on.

I'm here for you. This is a good group. People understand, and are kind.

Be gentle with yourself. Allow the grief to come. Healing will come with it. Slowly.

Big hugs to you.

I lost my second husband 4.5 years ago now. I got busy as soon as i could more or less function. Got a job as a assistant nurse,I had the degree just never did anything with it ..a year after he died i got my first job and have been working ever since most days. Life is going to be different..for me nothing much looks the same as it did. Not saying i do not find happiness in my daily life because i do. For me when he died he took a large chunk of me with him and now i almost have a new me somewhat.I know I am still growing though and i used to think he died first due to him being better than I.I did as many unselfish deeds as possible hoping i could die any day too..but have become interested in some stuff in life again. I forced myself to start gardening again as i was told to do something you like to do..it took about 3 years but am getting into gardening again. Not as intense as before i do not think who knows..but in time once you learn how to cope life will take on new meanings ((Hugs))

Thanks to everyone for sharing their story. I lost my husband of 38 years this past January. It has been very difficult and I miss him everyday. I am trying to stay busy bur it is not easy with the virus, I am an only child with no children. It has been so lonely! I am new to this group and will continue to read the posts. Thanks to everyone.

I lost my wife two years ago to cancer. Your words are so real to me that I could have written them myself. The pain and loneliness are gripping and seem unbearable at times, too many times. I am two years further along than you are in "moving on", but progress can be elusive. You are not rambling. You are grappling with the same feelings and emotions that have been experienced by all of us in your shoes. I hope in time your burden will ease.

Let me share some thoughts for you to consider. Like you, I am a devout believer in God and spirituality. Read the words of the Bible in 1 Corinthians 15:44-45. "If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body....a life-giving spirit". I have had several occurrences in the last two years of events with no logical explanation, other than spiritual. I am always reluctant to raise the ethereal concept of spiritual life for fear of being perceived of unsound mind, but in this written venue I am not vulnerable to "the look" in response to my spiritual revelations. I need not relate the specifics of my experiences, but I suggest that you not routinely dismiss unexplained coincidences in your life without consideration of spiritual origin. Who among us can claim credibility to deny that possibility? Just be aware of your surroundings to not miss a spiritual moment with your husband that will change your life.

I’m sorry for your loss. He is in good place and believe that he is. It’s usually the one that stays behind having it more tough than those who passed away so focus on yourself and let go of all your worries about your husband as your lives goes on. Just don’t expect you will get used to your “Different environment” (living without your husband, new home/neighbours etc..) so fast as you probably got so used to your previous living arrangement for over a decade. Just take it slowly and give yourself plenty of time/love to move on steadily and get used to your new/different life. Don’t try to do things for others just yet. Just focus on yourself and healing for now. Use this time to get in touch with yourself and find your light within. Find out what brings you joy/satisfaction, even dig into your inner-child and explore. Try to shake things up a bit and break the repetitive pattern you have been doing in your previous life and shift your attention. Sometime happiness can comes from a smallest thing that you didn’t even recognise before.

Hopefully God did call him home, which is only a good thing, work on you and God and you will see him again.