Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Confused I guess

Mum22
Mum22

I recently lost my husband October 30th this year. Some days I feel fine, other days like today I just need him.  I feel like I am wading in thick mud. I can't seem to move today.  I have friends from work coming to take me shopping today and I just don't know if I can fake that much joy right now.  I was keeping myself busy and distracted with cleaning and having people over.  Then came thanksgiving and now I just want to go back to bed and throw the covers over my head.  I feel like my family is watching for me to break down just all the time and it is driving me crazy.  I know they love me and they have shown me amazing support but I just want to hide I guess.  Then again I have been borrowing my brothers kids to spend the night with me so my house isn't empty and I won't have time to think.   I just have no idea what I'm feeling really.  I see things I need to do around the house and sometimes I can motivate myself and others(especially outside) I just have no motivation for.  We have always been do it yourselfers, but I'm not going to lie. I've started letting the boys down the street mow my front lawn for $20 just to keep my house looking decent for the neighbors.  I don't know exactly what I'm saying on here but thanks for listening.

Sosammy1
Sosammy1
I am so sorry that you have to make this journey. I lost my husband on Oct. 19 and everything you are feeling describes exactly what I am feeling. It is too hard to wear the "pretend face" when others are around. My friend tells me to be kind to yourself and let those emotions out don't be afraid to tell people no that you are not up to it today. I too rushed around trying to out run the memories I guess. It is hard and painful and awful and a place that no one wants to be. This place has been a refuge for me. I also write in a notebook all those thoughts and feelings that I can't share with anyone else because no one in my family would understand. They want to "fix" things and there is no fixing this. There is nothing wrong with those days that you just can't deal with other people and want to just stay in bed to mourn your loss. It is too new and raw. As someone told me take it minute by minute, hour by hour. Sending hugs to you.
Leelalulee
Leelalulee
Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing a-okay and just understandably missing your husband. I had family over on Thursday and yesterday and today I feel as you said like I just want to hide in my room and be left alone. Wishing you strength and energy!
Blessings,
Lisa
Silver55
Silver55
It's been since the last of August for me. I have been trying to get out and have people around and stay busy but after a couple days - tops - I need to be alone to cry. It's an overwhelming need to let out the pain after holding it in for a couple days. I think you are doing what you can, Mum22, just keep plugging away.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I can't fake it even to be polite. It's not the first time I lost a husband. When he died I tried to act like people are comfortable, but this time I am taking care of 9. Sitting in my chair helps me sort my feelings and my daughter lives nearby and she checks on me. Sorry we're in the same place. Sharon
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
To someone who has lost a husband you make perfect sense. I lost my first husband of 40 years marriage. We were high school sweethearts. Losing him left me confused on what I should do.
Answer; what ever you want.
Be alone when you need to. Read a book if you want. Sew or craft's if it's your thing. And more importantly, cry. Let the tears flow, you deserve to release them.

Now, 4 years after Don died, I met a man that I fell totally in love with. I didn't plan on it. Intact I was totally against considering meeting someone. Less than 2 weeks ago he died in his sleep. The feelings swirling around me I recognize. They happened before understand the same circumstances. But I know the feelings and I will make it through this. I won't give up, but I will cry, be angry at the unfairness, and I will do what I feel like at the moment. Sharon
RIPPEDHEART
RIPPEDHEART
My husband died last June and it was a rollercoaster ride. The void is way too much for me. I do not have anyone to talk to or understand what I am really feeling. They say it will pass....yes it will but the process really eats your whole being.
nell79
nell79
I lost my husband 11/07/17 and I am having these same emotions and most days I have no motivation to do anything. I have a list of things that I really need to take care of but that is as far as I can go-putting it on a "to do list".
ginger13
ginger13
It's been 7 weeks since I lost my husband. Honestly this is a time when you need to be selfish. If you don't feel up to going out then don't, even if it means canceling on someone. If they're truly a friend they'll understand.
One thing I've realized is I can't run from the memories forever. I tried to surround myself with people and have as many distractions as possible, but the truth is that will go away eventually. Sometimes it's best to just lean into it little by little. Look at some pictures, smell his clothes, cry. I've started writing down memories of my husband as they pop into my head throughout the day because I'm scared of losing or forgetting them. As painful as it is I know one day I'll enjoy going back and reading through all of them.
cupolatte
cupolatte
Hi Mum22, You have made it through your first holiday as a widow and that is an accomplishment. Now comes the let down. You use up all of your energy trying to be pleasant and accommodating to others and it is a good distraction, but it can't last. The reality comes crashing back in. It took me three to four years to begin to be able to enjoy life again, but even then, things would set me off. Silly things like: who do I sit with at the church Thanksgiving dinner or the Christmas concert. These things would bring back the tears and often I would end up just staying home. I do know that it takes too much emotional energy to "fake it." I found solace in my faith, but it really took a while. Dear friends prayed for me and put up with me for a very long time. I would like to extend this to you. I will pray for you and ask God to comfort you and get you through this terrible time. I will especially pray for you as Christmas approaches. God bless.