Oh Sophia I totally agree with you.
I met a friend whom I had not seen since my husband's passing and she hugged me and we both cried. Suddenly she screams that she never really understood what I was going through but now she does. Her husband was recently posted to work in another country! She only talks to him once a week and he will come home every 6 months. I was so mad at her. How does she compare our situations? She can still call/ Skype / facebook her husband and somehow she gets my pain? Really? I left her there and walked away. I thought to myself how selfish was this? If you don't know what to say to me say nothing at all.

People go through grief differently as people are not the same. Until they have gone through it They will never understand and even then Everyone is different. It has been 18 months for me and I still run around in limbo.I try hard to see the positive and be grateful for what i still have...nothing compares. I truly feel this life now is an illusion and i often wonder if I died instead. I look for signs that i am repeating everything which means i am in purgatory. The this other voice in my head seems to talk to me stating I am worthy etc...our grown children act like life is Great and i never hear from them ,have learned to assume horrid things about me that i never knew before which is why they do not have much to do with me. Its another day again and i am going to Breathe and try to assume theres some happiness I hope in this day. (( Hugs ))

I understand so well the feeling of facing an approaching anniversary. I just passed the second year anniversary. I too, felt the tension building in the days approaching it . As with the first anniversary , the day before proved to be worse than the actual day. Plan time to allow yourself to grieve in advance and following that day. It is so very difficult and you definitely feel like you are going back in your grief. About a month after the first anniversary I did feelchanges within myself and began feeling better. My grief changed and life was not as difficult. I'm hoping that happens sometime in the near future again as I am really feeling the grief more right after his anniversary. People will continue to disappoint, but we didn't get it either before it happened to us. And I think they try to be understanding but unless they know through their own life they will always fall short. Blessings to you. Marybeth

Nobody understands unless they have been in our shoes. I have been through divorce and it is definitely not the same. I did not understand until my husband died. It is the worst ongoing pain I have ever felt in my life. I will never be the same. Half of me has died and I will never be whole again. Life keeps moving on, but I don’t feel like moving on. When people say things like that.....I just think......no, you don’t understand! We are in an exclusive club.....and it sucks!

You know, I think we are all more sensitive to comments made by others the earlier we are in our grief. Most people can not relate to the loss of their true love because they haven't experienced that. Not something you can understand unless you've been through it yourself. Hell, I was that way. "Why doesn't she just get over it"? The correct word is ignorant -- which means lack of knowledge. Perhaps some may have seen first hand the devastation of grief suffered by another loved one, I never had, not anyone close anyway. As for the divorce one, I get your points. Valid. But look at from the standpoint of an ignorant person that is trying so hard to let you know that they know pain too, and use the most painful thing for them up to that point in their life. It is impossible for them to relate to anything above what they've suffered themselves. You want to know what pisses me off? Losing connection with friends, relatives, kids I helped raise, grandkids who have no choice in the matter, and church leadership. Sad really. All I know to do is build me a new life. Had a good one before. I'm getting a good one now. It takes a lot of time though. Just recognize that your emotions are running so much on overdrive that you just go ahead and let everyone and everything piss you off. We have that right. This is our grief, and ours alone. There is no right and no wrong when it comes to grief. All that being said, whatever it was, I will tell you where I draw the line: Oh, I understand, my dog died. Crapola. Scottie

Thinking about it, I'm reminded of a post a couple years back, here I think, anyways something I read. A widow that had to pull life support on her husband was told this by someone, Oh, I'm so sorry. I know what you're going through, I had to put my dog down. Oh my God. I figure Darwin's theory would have wiped that type off the earth by now.

You know years ago I was in the same spot you were in. Oh how I hated hearing divorce was the same. In a chat room on another site and on this I would seek out individuals who had experienced both and asked them if it was the same for them and even they said it was not the same. People who say that shit haven't experienced it for themselves. All they have is their text book psycho babble crap to spough out. These people lack empathy. They try but the really irritating thing about it is their pompous self righteous attitude that never flinches when you confront them to set them straight. Even if you approach them from a place of love and sweetness after you are healed and past everything. Some people are assholes and should never be counciling anyone as they clearly don't have a clue. To which I have adopted the attitude of oh thank heaven you showed me the kind of person you are. I will now be sure never to share anything with you so sensitive and I go about my business and wow I find myself miraculously unannoyed by such people any more because I haven't continued to give them material to prove their ignorance in.

You are right there is no comparison. They are both losses. But ours was not in our control. I went through do Sam thing when I list my husband. Some people with never see the difference, but that'll okay. Take the understanding they feel. Sharon