Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I'm not looking for support or agreement on this, but I really need to silently vent.
My soul mate passed May 22, 2009. After that time I have found companionship in many forms. My pet, female friendships I maintained and new ones that I acquired, my co-workers, and my family.
I have survived the terrible journey and have reached that comfortable place of me, home, friends, family and cat. No more, no less. I don't want my boat rocked and am quite content to live my life out traveling, socializing with my girlfriends and family, and having the opportunity to try new experiences.
It is silently and/or verbally sociatal that a widow or widower is expected to acquire another mate. I just don't understand this logic. Personally, it isn't a thought or part of my vocabulary. I'm fine if I DON'T have to think about it. Do you think that anyone would get it or do they think they are helping you?
My soul mate passed May 22, 2009. After that time I have found companionship in many forms. My pet, female friendships I maintained and new ones that I acquired, my co-workers, and my family.
I have survived the terrible journey and have reached that comfortable place of me, home, friends, family and cat. No more, no less. I don't want my boat rocked and am quite content to live my life out traveling, socializing with my girlfriends and family, and having the opportunity to try new experiences.
It is silently and/or verbally sociatal that a widow or widower is expected to acquire another mate. I just don't understand this logic. Personally, it isn't a thought or part of my vocabulary. I'm fine if I DON'T have to think about it. Do you think that anyone would get it or do they think they are helping you?
I think I may look at a cat. Christmas is near and the kids might like one. Tried the dog thing taking care of my dad's dog for a while and I can live without a dog, and I can live without a man.
Maggie
I think, overall, people think they are being helpful with their suggestions. I have had similar remarks. One thing I have noticed/decided is that if someone says something regarding anything connected to my husband's death, and it stings for me, I am just going to recognize it as residual grief in me.
I am not saying that people do not say inappropriate things, but in a case like the remarry thing, sometimes I think it bothers me because it seems disloyal to my late husband. It almost seems to diminish our love and relationship (although logically I know it does not).
Peace,
Shar
I suppose some people think they are trying to help you and Martha's other reasons sound like a good fit too, lol.
Just a little note to Maggie - Steve said it wasn't too long ago that women couldn't support themselves and that it may be a holdover; and it's true. At one time even a married woman who was pregnant wasn't even allowed to work. Teachers always had to quit their jobs the moment they started "showing". Times have changed enormously, thank goodness.
Debbie has stated she is happy not being part of a couple anymore. She had a long, hard struggle too, and this is where she has arrived. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.
Vicki