Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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rw18 11/29/2013

I tried to start my Xmas shopping today. To be honest I don't have that many people to buy for, my mum and dad, my two nans, my brother and my best friend are the main people I buy for so I thought I'd make a start today, get it over with before the big xmas rush begins. I tried so hard but I just kept seeing things I wanted to buy for Matt then it would hit me I couldn't. Its not fair I don't have him to buy for. I always got excited about buying things for him but I've lost that now. I should have had a lot more christmasses with him, instead we just got the one in our time together. It was the most magical and perfect one ever. I'll never have one life that again. I just don't know how I'm going to manage to do my shopping without getting upset that the person who was top of my list has now gone. Is anyone else struggling?

sandeestttn 11/29/2013

I tried to start, but didn't even get anything done.

rw18 11/29/2013

I'm starting to think online shopping may be the best idea but even then I still find stuff I want to buy for him!

John1962 11/29/2013

I had similar feelings today. I noticed a number of things my wife would just love - she loved handbags. She also liked a watch and I saw it today in the jewellers.

The thing that hit me big was the card shop. I caught sight of a card saying " to my darling wife at Christmas" I had to leave the shop, tears in my eyes.

It's going to be hard, but all we can hope for is that we can cope.

Take care

John

deleted_user 11/29/2013

I am also finding it very hard to buy for Christmas. I do not have many people. My two sons, two grandsons and my brother. The reason I am having difficulty is because my husband did all the shopping. I did not know where to start. My youngest grandchild is done. The others have not started. I also see so much that my husband would want or things he would have given me.

gerald222 11/29/2013

I am so sorry for the pain you ar experiencing while shopping. A totally understandable reaction. I will still keep my wife at the top of the list for christmas. I will give a donation to the palliative care unit that treated her with such dignity. As for the rest of the list I will keep in mind those that reached out to me in this incredibly difficult year. There will be no gifts to people I feel obliged to buy for it will be only for people that have touched my heart in some way. Using that as a guideline it makes the process alot easier. Does it change that fact I wish will all my heart she was here this Christmas. Of course not. Wishing you peace. Gerald

jblail 11/29/2013

I always loved buying her Christmas gifts she was always so happy with whatever it was, a small thing or a bigger gift, much of the joy has gone out of my life with her passing. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I had Thanksgiving with my kids yesterday and that was nice,, we talked about past holidays and for a moment or two I was actually happy.
Christmas shopping should be easier now but, I think I'll do most of it on line just don't want to deal with the shops and people.

Jeff

michaelbmanning 11/29/2013

I will not go into stores to shop. On line does well for me. I have this nice UPS man that has been a regular for years and he brings everything right to my office. No Stores. I only buy for the kids and my dad so it is not too bad.

Maggie

BandiBlue 11/29/2013

I'm one of those people who "Christmas shops" all year long. When I see something that I know a friend would like, I buy it and put it safely away. As a result, I have several gifts tucked away that were intended for Sam. And although I can give one or two to his brother or his dad, I'm really not sure I want to part with all of them.

sweetpeaswife 11/29/2013

I have very little desire to shop this year, my husband and baby sister are no longer here with us..I've done the little bit of shopping online that I need to do.. a few things for my brother, my sister-in-law and a family secret santa gift.. I'm pretty much done.

Shrn 11/29/2013

I started shopping online when my husband died and still find it best for most I shop for. That way I can do it as I want and only go out for special gifts I need to see first. Sharon

Marylking 11/29/2013

I shop for unique gifts all year long, until I saw this post I had forgotten about my Christmas stash. You see I traveled from AZ to MI to be with my ailing 87 year old Mom over the holidays. I am not going to Christmas shop at all, I do not feel like celebrating at all, I addressed 60 or so Christmas cards for my Mom tonight because her writing is too shaky to write too much. I am not sending out cards from me. I am not celebrating my birthday on the 10th either. I just don't want to do it without him. I am just not up to faking happiness. Best of luck to all of you on figuring out how to shop for your gifts.

Patriciavara 11/30/2013

Our family lost two members in three weeks, so I will do my best to make Christmas as special as we can for my grandson. A grandmother(by marriage) and his favorite buddy, Papa, were all very close. Some days are very difficult for him. he just sits and cries. I have only bought his present, most of the others will get gift cards. Easier is best right now, and the crowds are tough to deal with. Good luck! Patricia

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