I actually never liked all the "perfect family" Christmas commercials. I was a teacher and knew how hard Christmas really was for so many families, and how those ads made them feel.

For most of us here, especially those of us in our first year, this is going to be a hard Christmas. Just remember, Wendi, the people in those commercials are actors who are not even related to each other. Their real lives are probably not at all perfect. It doesn't make it any easier for us, but it takes the sting away a little bit.

I too would like to just ff through all the holidays. But we don't have that choice. Just know you're not alone.

Hugs,
Linda

Wendi, I agree with Linda. It's just the commercialization of Christmas that gets to me. Holloween was just over and all the Christmas movies are swarming the tv. Was in Hobby Lobby a couple of days ago and of course Christmas music. Geeze, I just know I will not stay home alone for the Holidays. Even if I have to go drive around for a while. We will get through this, one way or the other. We must stick together. Hugs and Love, Michele

I'm with you Wendi!

Tough season with it all in your face so it's hard to ignore.

Wife hated the pressures of Xmas, making it a little easier I guess.

Makes you feel like you SHOULD do something, it''s REALLY OK to take it easy and only do things you feel like at the time.

it's too soon for the first holidays after my husband died.
but even with him gone, Never dreamed I could be this alone through it all.

You guys are going to call me out on this.......I want to see all the hoopla, displays, lights, trees, music etc., etc. I find it so comforting.

I want to see Christmas movies and commercials....isn't that strange.....I want kids smiling, couples hugging...people delivering a platter of food onto a dining table and on and on. The chatter of people sharing, their laughter and delight of opening presents. I love it! I need it. It's so NORMAL! It seems so right......Please don't make it go away!

Boy, this grieving thing takes your mind and spirit all over the map of emotions doesn't it?

Roz

Last Christmas I pretty much knew it was going to my last with my husband. I went all out. Did the tree, Christmas city, lights on the house. I was going to take a break this year since it is so much work getting everything out of the boxes and climbing up and down the ladder. My daughter called and said she was coming for Christmas this year. I decided I didn't want her to come to an undecorated house so I pulled my tree out and already started hanging ornaments.

It so brings back memories. Every year we would go to hallmark and purchase a new ornament for the tree. As I hang them I remember that year. I really thought I'd be a mental case but I'm not. I am remembering the joy we had and happy times. I'm actually smiling a little because of some the crazy things he wanted like the dog that sings when you press his paw. Its only been three months for me, but will do the tree and I will do Christmas. Hugs Arlene

What a difference to Xmas in Spain, there is very little sign of Xmas untill about three weeks before. The emphasis on Xmas is a religious occasion same as the South of America ( catholicism ) Xmas day is the 6th of January day of three kings when presents are given.
This type of Xmas at least this year is certainly more suited to me and will be happy when its over
.. Just my Opinion Peter

Arlene, you brought tears to my eyes.......I pictured everything as you wrote about it.

Peter, I feel what your saying and I totally understand. It's a mix, it's all over the map when it comes to how I feel.

I love to read all your stories.

Roz

Hello Roz, I know what your going through and I know what youve been through, at the moment every day is like being in the ring with Mohamed Ali, just picking myself up from the canvas all the time, but I will keep doing that because she did not have that opportunity. Today I climbed a mountain over 3000 ft to place a tile that I had written to remember her, I promised I would do this for her and it made her happy. We all have to climb that mountain and keep climbing for those you have lost.

My first Christmas was 6 months after losing my high school sweetheart and husband of 40 years. I always loved Christmas. The holiday spirit of giving and singing the praises of love and cheer. I grew up in a great home and the tradition continued. That first one of seeing how different Christmas could be for others and now myself was an eye opening experience. I withdrew myself from life celebration that year. No tree or decorations. No cheer, just sadness and tears.

This will be my 9th Christmas without him and the innocence is gone, but replaced with the gratitude for the good things I have and had in my life. Christmas has changed. It's no longer about me as much as it's about others and believe we need a respite from the trouble we have to celebrate the life we share. It's about a much bigger picture than us. It's a celebration of love and I think that we need more Christmases that once a year. Sharon -

I feel the same way get all this holiday shit over with and move on to the next year. we will get through this time with each other on this site . Hugs Donna

Peter, you made me tear. I didn't know her be she must have been amazing.

Thank you for sharing your climb with us.

Roz

I see Christmas in several different ways. Christmas advertisements are too commercialized, society falls for it and spends money galore in the department stores for cheap junk from China, then the next day everybody takes it back to Walmart, Macys, Target, wherever, and gets cash back. (2) Last week I was at the Mall and went to go see a stupid, funny movie, The Hoopers, about a couple married 40 years hiding the fact they were getting divorced from their stupid adult dysfunctional kids, a slobbery dog eating the food off the table. (3) I love the beautiful Christmas trees, especially the Christmas tree farms with the nice pine fragrance. That's my cynical view of Christmas. It's easier to be cynical than sentimental for me.

However, I have fond memories of Christmas when my daughter was young, I decorated the tree real nice, sewed her some little Christmas stockings, she sang the Hawaiian song, "Meli Kaliki Maha", at her kindergarten, and then when John and I were first married in California in 1987, we went to a real live Christmas tree farm and I made him chop down 3 trees before I liked one. That was our first Christmas together married and we decorated the beautiful tree. At Thanksgiving time, we would always start playing the nice Christmas music.

So, my point is here I will not allow myself to be sad or melancholy during Christmas, even though I will be spending Christmas by myself for the first year without my Johnny. I've had enough of that already, and I will just remember and be happy of my nice memories of time past with my daughter and John. Besides, Christmas is for kids. Here in Tucson, Arizona there are many low income families and the community is so generous to make sure the kids have a nice toy for Christmas. There are many more unfortunate people than me and I consider that.

So, I will just be happy, remember Johnny, and watch the Santa Clause Lane Parade on TV, a fun time to watch and be thankful for the blessings I have had. By myself.

This will also be my first Christmas without my husband. Today I went to Pier 1 and purchased a beautiful Christmas Ornament. It will be the first one I purchased on my own. This is a small step, but one that made me feel like I went a tiny bit forward. This is now my ornament. Very bittersweet but surprisingly calming. This ornament every year will now represent my new normal and every year I take it out, I will measure how I feel in comparison when I purchased it.