I understand how you feel. My wife and I were not able to have children of our own, but we would have loved to have a child together, but it was not meant to be, and we knew this at the start of our relationship together. My wife had children during her first marriage, but that relationship I have towards them is not the same as having our own child together. But I do have grandchildren who I love dearly, and my wife and I in our hearts adopted them as our own children. So they are a vital link in our lives together, and always will be. Again though, it is not the same as having our own child together.

I understand how you feel completely.

The hairdresser that works with mine, was married last October. A week she found out they were going to have a baby, he got killed. That was July. I was there Thursday, and she just found out, its a boy. She is so sad. I feel so sorry for her.

Yes, I can see how you would think that way. No one can see the future, so do not assume it will be bad. All you can do is try to get by long enough to heal yourself now.

Bob

I am so sorry for your pain and have no words except sadness for your loss. Although I have children, we all have experienced loss of our future dreams and aspirations of a future with our love ones. To that extent I understand your loss.

This path through grief is difficult and I pray you find being here helpful. Sharon

I totally undertand how you are feeling. We were unable to have children, and waited to long to adopt. When we were younger we were kept busy babysitting all our friends children so the loss was not felt as deeply. But now, I am so sad that we never experienced the joy of being parents. He would have been the best father in the world he loved kids so much becuase really he was a big kid. I just wish there was a part of him still here with me.

I wouldn't want Leonard to have a child that would grow up without hispresence but the sselfish part wishes I had a part of him. With you all in your feelings of loss.

I am sorry for you. On one side having a young child and losing their dad and not being to explain it to them when they ask for Dada is so difficult...but on the other side I am so thankful john and I had our son and that I am pregnant with this next one. don't rule out having that void filled. I have friends that are single that contemplate adoption on their own. you never know whats in your future and hopefully it is nothing but happiness for you.

Oh I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult that must be for you! I am glad that you have your son and baby on the way that will forever be a testament to the love you shared with your husband. My heartfelt wishes for a healthy pregnancy as you go thru it under extremely difficult circumstances. Much love to you and your son.

Hi,

It does get better, I am 38 and lost my husband in January. We did not have children but were hoping to very soon. I too find it difficult seeing happy families and coming to the realization that I may never have children. I have thrown myself in to work and school but did give myself almost 8 months to think and get my life somewhat back together. University is great for me as it has become a way to occupy my mind and everyone is so supportive. My outlook changed at the 7 month mark and some of the positive hopes for the future came back. Take care... Nicole

I am so sorry about your husband Nicole. I am happy to hear that you are finding hope and happiness again, slowly but surely. I was in school (that was a big part of my break up with Leonard....he wanted more time and I made school a priority instead of him....huge regret of mine) but Leonard died the week before registration for this quarter and school is the last thing on my mind these days. Part of me does not want to continue with it but then part of me feels I would be dishonoring Leonard if I did not. Even though he saw school as standing in the way of us moving forward with our relationship...marriage and babies but at the same time I know he also was proud of me for pursuing my goals. It is all so complicated. Now none of it can be worked out and I am stuck in this place with no Leonard and no goals anymore. Maybe in time I can also find hope in the future again, it just is going to be a different future than I planned for. Wishing you the very best!

I never wanted children, but can feel your pain in not having them.

I know people have told you about adopting, but I wanted to mention another possibility: Have your eggs frozen. You can have this done and have decades to think about what you want to do. I know it's too early to think about remarriage, but harvesting your eggs will give you time and hope for the future.

I was looking at all the topics hoping to find exactly this one, since i felt only a childless widow could fully understand my pain. I totally understand how you feel too. I am now 42, and i lost my soulmate less than a month ago. I was extremely insecure about having children, and i had been talking with him about it these last holidays, likely a month ago (he passed september 19, and we had been on holidays right before). He kept saying he would like to try, even though he would always love me if we couldnt make it happen. And, interesting enough, i had bought and taken to the holidays a small device (looks a little like a pregnancy test) that apparently would show me/us my most fertile days. I never showed it to him, he never knew i bought it, and it is still somewhere in the bag i used for these holidays. It adds up that we lived for 13 years but never got any legal bond, and had been living in separate houses for 2 years (we lived conventionally for 11 years, and then 2 years in separate houses). We had a complex and tense relationship mostly because of our differences (cultural and personality ones), but he never gave up on our love, and we really felt like soulmates that would be forever together. On top of not having any children, i dont have any brothers or sisters, i lost my mom some years ago, and he was from denmark, so i wasnt that close to his mother and brother. So now i am thinking how will i pull myself back together enough to get to work - i havent been back to work yet - and go back to that house. Since this happened i have been with my one meaningful person left, my dad, but i know he worries about me and he told me directly and expects me to pick up my life. Right now i am still staying with my dad, but soon i must face that house... My few close friends are married, with children (generally two, one has four), and none of them has experienced this kind of pain. I have a fertility device somewhere in a bag, a wedding dress in the closet, we had briefly talked - again - about being married, but as usual we didnt get around to be practical so now i have that dress haunting me there as a grim reminder of what could have been... I must try to pick up the pieces, mostly because of my dad. If i didnt have my dad, i think i would have euthanized my cats and killed myself. So i do think i know how you feel, i hope we can both find a way to have some hope, and some light back... Feel free to contact me if you want, any time. I hope you find all the needed support, but know i am here for you as well, many miles away, but here. I am not sure that chatting is possible here, but maybe there is, and maybe we can do it if you find it helpful. Lots of hugs and love

Thank you for your message pseudo. I am so very sorry for your loss. I remember the first weeks after Leonard died and how extremely painful and scary that time was, nearly suicidal I was. I was fortunate to have my brother come stay with me to get me thru that period and I am glad that you have your dad. You need those who love you to surround you and help you thru these early days. I too relate to you and your feelings of loss, not just for the love of your life but for the dreams for the future and family you planned on. It really increases the pain doesn't it? Like you and your love, Leonard and I talked of marriage and the desire to have a family together. Time ran out on us as it did for you and I completely understand the feelings of hopelessness for the future. It has been a little over three months for me and the feelings of hope come and go. There are days I feel like I have to try to reach for that happy life again because Leonard would want that for me just as I would want that for him if I had passed first. But there are the days when it seems like an unreachable existence because it feels like Leonard is the only person I want to have that life with. I don't know when that or if that will ever change. I am here for you too, anytime. You can reach out to me whenever you need and I will be here for you. Another member just told me there is a support group for childlessness, I will look into it, maybe you should too. Just know that you are not alone in your grief, I and everyone here relate to the pain of losing the one you loved most. Sending you lots of love and empathy and big hug in return. xo

Some things just aren't in the cards for us and we'll never understand why. My husband Will and I met a little later in life. I was 40ish, never had kids. He was a couple years younger, in the process of getting divorced and already had two (one was his x's that he adopted when they got together). We decided not to have any. Had we met earlier then we would have, but wasn't meant to be. Close to the end, Will said he wished we would have had one, then I'd have somebody. So now I'd have this young teenager I'd be raising by myself. Yes, life would be different BUT would it be better?? There's a governing force behind everything and much is beyond our comprehension. It bothered me more at first seeing all the presumably happy little families when I'd go to town. Now that doesn't affect me much any more. For whatever reason, it wasn't meant for me. There's another plan; I just have to wait for it to unfold.