Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my husband in September and I don't know why he passed away. He came home after work one night and we found him in our living room the next morning. I'm 42 but grew up with my husband so we had been together for 28 years. I was told that it would take up to three months to find out the cause of death. I this such a long wait for an answer to why I lost the only man I have ever loved.
I keep thinking that had I just stayed awake a half hour later and was there when he got home I could have saved him. But I didn't stay up and feel so guilty because he told me earlier in the day he wasn't feeling that good. We have a three year old boy and I was so tried that I fell asleep. I now blame myself for not taking care of my husband. I think if I knew what caused he death I wouldn't feel this way. I hate myself for not staying awake. Every minute of the day I feel like I just can't go on another second without him. If it wasn't for our son I wouldn't go on, I would just end it and hope for the best on the other side. The odd thing is as soon as I say or feel this I immediately know I would never leave my son.
It is so hard to go through this with him. The only time my son and I are apart is when he is at school for three hours a day. So of my family doesn't think this is a good idea since I am so shattered by losing my husband. Our son is the only link I have to my husband. I spend hours everyday telling my little boy not to do this or that because he will get hurt. I get grumpy and cry a lot. I know this isn't good and I should take time for myself but I just can't.
I feel totally a lone with a small child in a world full of happy couples. This is a mess and I just don't know what to do so I don't do anything and keep repeating my behavior. I only talk to my family and one friend now. I can't stand going out and get overwhelmed being around people. My Doctors keep telling me this is normal but I don't think so. Each day it gets worse. I need your advice and prayers
I keep thinking that had I just stayed awake a half hour later and was there when he got home I could have saved him. But I didn't stay up and feel so guilty because he told me earlier in the day he wasn't feeling that good. We have a three year old boy and I was so tried that I fell asleep. I now blame myself for not taking care of my husband. I think if I knew what caused he death I wouldn't feel this way. I hate myself for not staying awake. Every minute of the day I feel like I just can't go on another second without him. If it wasn't for our son I wouldn't go on, I would just end it and hope for the best on the other side. The odd thing is as soon as I say or feel this I immediately know I would never leave my son.
It is so hard to go through this with him. The only time my son and I are apart is when he is at school for three hours a day. So of my family doesn't think this is a good idea since I am so shattered by losing my husband. Our son is the only link I have to my husband. I spend hours everyday telling my little boy not to do this or that because he will get hurt. I get grumpy and cry a lot. I know this isn't good and I should take time for myself but I just can't.
I feel totally a lone with a small child in a world full of happy couples. This is a mess and I just don't know what to do so I don't do anything and keep repeating my behavior. I only talk to my family and one friend now. I can't stand going out and get overwhelmed being around people. My Doctors keep telling me this is normal but I don't think so. Each day it gets worse. I need your advice and prayers
I only know that my husband died of a sudden massive heart attack. I have had so much guilt over what I should have done differently. Knowing only caused me other questions and I asked and searched for answers anywhere I could. The doctor's answers made some of my guilt disappear. It was inevitable regardless of where he would have been. We always talked about being together at this time if it was a perfect world, so I know he was happier to be with me in my arms than hooked up to a thousand wires, alone in a room getting tested. This is extremely hard on me because the vision is as real and vivid as it was that moment 4 months ago. I hope you also can have peace in the knowledge.
We are given special gifts like children so that we find a strength to get through it and find some joy in the new life. A child brings us joy, happiness, and hope. They see through a child's eye with imagination, resilience, and love.
So sorry and I wish you a moment of happy peace.
When I lost my love over a year ago & even though he had been sick with cancer & we knew his time was near, I to this day ask myself, If I could of done or said more to him. I think it is just part of the harsh reality of losing our loved one.
Your emotions & thoughts during this unwanted journey will be all over the place & you do question your sanity at times, but once again that is just the process of grieving.
Take care of you & your young son
JoAnn
I pray you find strength to get through this.
Hugs, Sandi
This is how fate works. This is how it was meant to be. Just like your meeting him, falling in love and having your beautiful son, this is how it was meant to be.
Now, we must carry on and live our lives. We MUST do the right thing and live the very best lives that we can.
All that said, it's not going to be easy. It's going to be full of challenges.....but, how we accept and live with those challenges is who we truly are.
Strong, positive, survivors. We MUST set examples for our children and show them that they too have the power to survive this life with grace and dignity. Powerful words, I know, I face them every day and tell myself that I CAN DO THIS!!!!! This is my new NORMAL!
We're all in this together,
Roz
When my husband died back in March, it was due to liver failure...and I still blame myself for not seeing the signs sooner...for not forcing him to the doctor sooner, or tying to get him to stop some of the behaviors that cause cirrhosis..there is likely nothing any of us could have done to prevent it...that said, it is horribly unfair that this has happened, and I'm so very sorry, and I understand how much it hurts.
Keep reading and posting here, it has helped me and lots of others deal with the tragedy of losing the person closest to us.
I can identify with the feelings of guilt, like i could have done something different. My wife committed suicide and I will always wonder if I had been able to get sober while she was still alive or be a better wife maybe she wouldn't have done it.
But in the end I will never know why my wife killed herself. We are all here because we have lost our nearest and dearest. Don't blame yourself. I know it's hard, I blame myself too.
At least you have your son. I have the cat we co-parented. I try to give that cat a good life and you can devote yourself to giving your son a good life.
We will be praying for you.
We each have to come to terms with how to get through these days with our emotions torn apart. For me, personally, I depend on my faith in a Higher Life than myself. It gives me peace, but each must find their own beliefs for themselves.
Just know that you aren't alone in this journey. Many have gone before and sadly many will follow. For now, we walk together, hand in hand. Sharon
The guilt One of the many awful things about grieving that we feel. I am not going to tell you not to feel it as I know that does nothing but make you feel worse. I understand, and I feel it too. I hope that one day down the line in this whole messy grieving process that it will lessen and eventual either go away or no longer torture us as it does now.
Thoughts of ending it Another of the many awful things about the grieving process that we feel. I think about it too. Have many times since my husbands death and before during his illness. Last Christmas when he was so sick, I actually thought about killing us both so neither of us would suffer anymore. Now I do not want to do that to my sons, who are grown, and have them loose both their parents. And truthfully, I dont want to die, I just want to stop feeling this way and have a life worth living again. I tell myself, in time, I will have that again.
(((HUGS)))
We feel what you feel,
Cheri~