one of the things I wish I did was to perform CPR immediately,when he fell,I was so confused I ran to go and look for help,and they came to take him to the hospital,he had drugs problem which I came to know after he had died,and the fact thatvi did not perform CPR immediately is the reason why I get depressed everyday thinking it was all my fault,and before we went for vacation,we had argued about him using drugs and he insisted that he was going to use them and I told him I don't want to be with him if he is using drugs and he felt I was judging him,I wish I could take that back and now that he is not here,I never got to tell him how much I loved him and that I never meant to judge him,and that I was going to love him with all his flaws,haunts and kills me everyday!

Shelda my husband died of COPD so very hard to watch been there with the guilt. Should of been more patient, understanding. I know in my heart I did all I could do. And I am very sure you did as well. I get by knowing the unbelievable love we had for each other that will never leave me. I hold it close to my heart. Am able to move on and to see what my future will hold. Hugs to you!!!

My husband eventually succumbed to COPD too. Watching him die was horrifying.Not being able to breathe.He was diagnosed with emphysema in 2010,they performed a lung resection on him. From there till 2012 that's when it got bad for him and he slept alot..did not want to eat as he could not breathe. Its hell to watch. He had a cardiac arrest in 2013 and i did CPR and saved his life. The Doctors all believed he was going to die then as he had been struggling with bladder and prostate cancer as well. Have gone through a long haul and maybe its starting to catch up with me i am not sure but my anxiety is bad right now. Trying to talk myself down again. I can not continue talking myself down daily though.I am going to get a job even if part time now. I need a purpose.

Hugs to you. Although I've never been a care giver but I do have guilt that tries to bother me like not forcing him to follow up years ago when the doctor told him his blood pressure was out of control. I was tired of fussing with him about taking care of himself so once he dug his heels in I let it go. Now that he's gone and the cause was sever hypertension and heart disease I feel bad and like maybe would be here if I kept fussing at him.

I was the one who was forcing my husband to go all the time.He finally said No More. He would beg me to not get on his case about eating eating..so i did try harder to not make him. I worried about him 24/7 and now he is dead.

It was terrifying..watching him towards the end..me begging and forcing him to keep the mask on with the Bipap machine..he told me it hurt him so much...that Saturday night was the last night he was himself and he passed on a Thursday. He woke up on Tuesday incoherent but woke up,they had already taken everything off of him and told me he would never ever wake up again that Sunday..Again false hope. Trying so hard to understand why i didn't understand more..and then eventually the feeling of self hatred goes away...want this end this nightmare. I am praying and breathing ..and making myself do stuff now too..maybe i am going too fast but i have to do it so Amen.

I was primary caregiver for my wife for 3 1/2 yrs. before she lost her battle with dementia. No one should have to suffer the way that angel suffered. There were times I prayed she would die, primarily for her sake, but also, selfishly for myself.

I fed and cleaned her, changed her diapers, assisted the outside caregivers with sponge baths, even helped with changing the urinary catheter. I can look in the mirror and say I did the best I could but still prayed that she would die. I confessed these feelings to a priest who granted absolution but still have lingering guilt feelings.

That is another aspect of it all too the wanting to have a real life again..sometimes angry that he is sick. Why him? Why me? Think those thoughts are normal too. But still then there's the guilt again playing havoc in my mind. How dare I even think about myself. Everyday wishing he would be ok again and there were days we actually thought hey its going to be ok..hes making it..false hope. In a way now i am glad i had false hope if for nothing else then for him.Because i think it helped him to feel he was going to be alright too.

I know the guilt that you feel. I spent over three years taking care of my wife who was a non-compliant. I argued, got angry and even yelled at her when she wouldn't do any of the things that the doctors told her to do. The sick thing is, I would give anything to have that miserable life back. When she was alive I felt invincible and in charge; now I'm in charge of everything and nothing.
I decided to let her go to heaven when it became clear that she had passed the point of my abilities. The hospital told me they could probably get six more months of life if I would consent, but those six months would have been confined to bed in a facility. That's not life! So I told them to let her go and even though I wasn't there when she passed I did have the satisfaction of seeing her at peace the last time I saw her alive. That's what my balance is these days. Now I have to learn to forgive myself.

I do!....I had to grieve before Mark died because alcoholism had taken a wild beautiful soul and wreaked more havoc than I could bear.....I had to separate a bit at times to hold onto some of my sanity. I was always there for him,,,nursed his wounds and illnesses when he was down. I loved him so so much. The last call I got from him, my brother and sisinlaw just walked in the room and I felt like "what is my family going to think" after all we'd been through....so I said I wish he would never call me again....he says "never?!!!" I said yes but my mind was saying no, just call me later. He usually did call back....but not this time. He would have called me usually....especially as sick as I found out he was....and I would have nursed him back to health. He was found on a sidewalk a thousand miles away unresponsive. he was in a hospital for several days unresponsive and died of pneumonia and sepsis.....I wasn't notified until AFTER he died!....I felt his spirit in mine and knew I needed to pray for him the day he was found unresponsive....I didn't know what for....I just prayed. So, I feel sick knowing that he took it to heart to not call me....and died of something I could have nursed him back to health from....alone

My husband died from lung cancer. I play back those 15 months constantly thinking what I could have done differently. What if one of the decisions I made was wrong. Being the one who ultimately had to cut off his life support. Not sure how to get past the guilt. I know in my head I did all that I could for him. Just wish my heart would listen. But I think it's normal. As a caregiver for someone you love you want to fix everything for them. Sometimes things just can not be fixed sadly....