Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Dear everyone,
I am at 6 weeks of losing my wife. I recently read a book that says that you should walk side-by-side with your grief, meaning that, sometimes, your grief comes to you and, other times, you lead or control your grief on when and how you grieve. So far I am largely unable to lead or control my grief which comes to me most of the time and overwhelm me sometimes. I am wondering others' experiences. Are you able to control or lead your grief in terms of when and how you grieve? If yes, how do you do that? I am not talking about holidays or firsts. I am talking about a normal day. Thank you for response.
Best regards,
Tiger
I am at 6 weeks of losing my wife. I recently read a book that says that you should walk side-by-side with your grief, meaning that, sometimes, your grief comes to you and, other times, you lead or control your grief on when and how you grieve. So far I am largely unable to lead or control my grief which comes to me most of the time and overwhelm me sometimes. I am wondering others' experiences. Are you able to control or lead your grief in terms of when and how you grieve? If yes, how do you do that? I am not talking about holidays or firsts. I am talking about a normal day. Thank you for response.
Best regards,
Tiger
I keep asking myself who am i now? We had 30+ years where just being with each other was xenough to bring joy. We loved family and friends but if there had been no one else we would have been fine with that too
People always saw me as the strong one, the one in charge but they didnt see how his complete love and trust gave me the courage to go for my dreams. He always said being with me fulfilled his dreams.
Now imtrying to figure out who i will be without him. Will i reach a place where i can build new dreams
My wife died 8 months ago, the first couple of months are the hardest. A rabbi told me at her funeral that it would all become a blur eventually, but I don't want that to happen.
The first couple of weeks, I felt like my heart was physically broken, in my chest. I never felt like that before. I cried all the time, and my daughter observed she had only seen me cry once or twice in 25 years.
When grief comes, I let it come. I didn't only lose my wife last year, I lost my best friend 2 months later. And my mom died a year ago, her death was not a biggie for reasons I won't elaborate, but still a life event and I am preparing for the anniversary on Monday, I will light a candle. People ask me how I managed such a hard year, I tell them I got very good at planning and attending funerals. And my old dog died a few weeks ago. I still have our other dog, who is healthy, and four cats - I took my mom's two cats. The pets give me responsibilities and structure.
We may not be able to control when grief suddenly hits us, but we can "drive" it to some degree. The community advisor, Julie Hanks, wrote a very good post about how to deal with grief during holidays, and I shared it with our daughter. She suggested that we schedule a time during the holiday to remember the one(s) we lost. That way we can feel less guilty about "enjoying" the holiday with the living.
I still get overcome by sadness unexpectedly. I hear a song, or I see something that reminds me, or someone tells me a story. It's okay, I have my feelings for a while, I go on.
I am still surrounded by my wife's things at home. I had help sorting and packing my wife's clothes so I can donate them. It took two weeks for them to pick up the hospital bed, it was really hard seeing that every day. Little by little, step by step, I am adjusting to life without her.