Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I was reading through some posts tonight and hit a theme that I found upsetting. I may be alone on this one, but I kind of doubt it. Please feel free to chime in. There are clearly 2 camps here---those who swear they will never be in another relationship and those who are open to the possibility. This is a very polarizing topic (right up there with what to do about your wedding ring) and none of us are going to convince another that they are wrong, primarily because no one IS wrong. It's a personal choice that is made by each of us and may or may not change with time. What I find disturbing are the comments that if you REALLY loved your spouse, you wouldn't consider being with anyone else EVER.....that how deeply you grieve is directly proportional to how deeply you loved your spouse......Can we please put an end to that?! There are real people on here with real feelings who have gone on to be in relationships, get engaged, get married, etc and it is insulting to tell them that because of that, they must not really have loved their spouse all that much. It is hypocritical to say that people aren't being understanding when they say "get on with your life" if you then turn around and aren't understanding of those who make other choices. We are all grieving here in our own way. Please recognize that and support each other even if what works for them doesn't work for you.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
The mere suggestion that somebody didn't love their spouse as much as somebody else because they meet somebody else is incredibly insulting.
It is equally insulting to suggest that somebody who choses NOT to consider a new relationship is stuck in the past or wrapping their grief around them like a security blanket.
What people do about this and other issues is so personal. There is no right or wrong. We just need to respect each other.
Unless that was posted in the last few days that was down to one particular member that kept saying that. Actually they were dating themselves so they were just being mischievious.
DS deleted their account.
hugs..
-Diana
When walking this journey, we are vulnerable, sad, hurting people. The least little comment shoots right through the heart, which is why replies to posts will be taken as some to be judgmental.
The benefit of this site should be to reply to a post with what you feel in your heart. It has helped my healing process to be able to express what's in my soul regarding the topic, or assist someone who is asking for assistance. If my replies have been taken as offensive or out of context, there are no apologies. We are who we are and should be respected for same.
You have my support if you want it, but be prepared for the answer. It may not always be what you want to hear.
In this group we are raw, hypersensitive and quick to defense. Thus one person's advice may be interpreted as a threat by someone else.
My Dad once told me to be careful when asking for help. "When you ask someone for their advice you're obligated to take it."
In the grief formula there are so many variables to the equation that it's impossible to find a common solution. But we seek an answer anyway, and will each arrive at the solution that best fits our personal needs.
What works for me won't automatically work for you - and vice versa. But that shouldn't deter others from telling us where they are, why they're here and how they arrived. But if they ask for help - be prepared for what you asked for.
That's what forums are all about. Again, we occasionally forget how hypersensitive some of us in this particular group are and make observations or comments that may be misconstrued as "offensive."
If someone wants to safely vent, with little room for recourse, they should post their thoughts in in their personal journal rather than a general discussion. The formats and their intent are quite different for obvious reasons.