Hi Kate, I can so relate to the questions you ask. I only wish I had some answers. I have asked those and similar questions myself.
I am so sorry for your loss. Knowing he won;t be coming home to you and still having the entire thing feel "real" is two different things. For me it seemed like a never ending nightmare and if only I could wake up things would be normal again.
It has been 3 years since my husband died. I never have received answers to the questions you ask. I am finally beginning to be able to accept that there are no answers.
I agree that life is not fair. Please hang in there. I understand each day brings pain and sorrow. It has taken me 3 years but there are times now that things do not hurt so badly.
Many hugs to you and your children along with wishes for peace and comfort to find you.

It definitely isn't fair. I wish I had answers for you but I feel the same way-why was my husband who took such great care of himself, such a wonderful husband and dad have this happen to him? Bad things happen to really good people everyday. I'm trying to be grateful for the time that I have with my children, family and friends. Life can turn quickly as we have sadly found out. Take care..it's a "little" easier at seven months than four for me, but it's up and down all the time. Lori

Lol, your title is deceptive. It's not about sleep, which is easier to solve.

This life is far from fair, much as we would like it to be. The only fair thing is how you make your choices. There are a lot of things that we have no control over ( tornadoes, floods, accidents ) and some things that are dictated by our genetic makeup ( lol, we can't control who our parents are ) and you might be a person that is at risk for some of the many diseases that have genetic roots. You can take as many countermeasures as you can, and you should, but you can't control the fact that you ( or your loved one ) is not as healthy as 'everyone else'.

It's true that your husband is not here anymore to experience all those events for you and your children. You can't change that. But none of those kids and events would ever happen if it were not for your husband. It's going to take some time and work but the best you can do is become grateful for the time that you and your family did have with your husband.

You have some work to do, but you can do it :)

Bob

I wondered the same thing. How can they take someone so kind & so gentle as my Michael and let pedophiles and animal abusers live? Then it dawned on me. God does take the creeps too...it's just nobody missed them as much as the sweet souls like our husbands.
I know there are no answers to our questions here on Earth. And by time we get to where the answers are it won't matter anymore.
I'm at 3 months now and it's up & down a 1000 times a day. But my ups are getting better. Hang in there.
Hugs & love,
Nancy

It's not fair and I am so with you asking the same questions. I am just past 7 months and still no answers. I do agree with Darlene that "knowing he won't be coming home and still having the entire thing feel 'real' are two different things". It's a long road (or nights)...we are walking with you. Blessings, Doreen

I am at over 13 months. he sleep thing turns out to be a roller coaster ride too. The first year, it was like I was catching up on my sleep that I was denied through his illness. Now I wake up all night, after falling asleep after 2:30 am. Then up at 7:30 am. No naps. Sorta like the weather is bad and dreary, then a couple days of pretty (outside work), I think we are just having a hard time adjusting to life after death. Sandee

My sleep patterns were abnormal at one point too. It was all my worrying, uncertainty, my grieving, etc. I needed to vent it out.

Your husband might not be there physical to see the kids grow up, but he can be there in spirit. Love has no boundaries. Hugs.

Not sure what sleep is any more. Always wake up each hour or hour and a half. Wish we had kids but wasn't in cards for us. Although the dog is a very good listener. :). Always had nightmares and he was always able to get me back to sleep by putting his hand on my head. I still keep walking around like as if he's at some seminar or something and that's after 5 months.

I thought I was past the not sleeping. But just recently I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. And now I'm having bad dreams again.
I just don't know what to make of it. Just the next phase.

Diane

my husband passed 14 months ago ... Your post struck a cord with me. My husband missed seeing his son graduate college by a few months... He will never see his daughter graduate University either. He won`t get to walk her down the aisle . Did not get to hear his son say that he is thinking about proposing to his girlfriend as soon as he financially able to do so. He would have been an awesome grandfather as he certainly was a great uncle and was amazing to watch with children.
All I can say is that I was were you are now and that by taking it one day at a time and staying opened and allowing grieve to happen , I am doing better . I do fall down but then I picked myself up . Remembering him is as intense today as it was in the beginning . It makes you different but not in a bad way. It makes you realize what is important. Having my children , family and friends made it possible to survive. I was completely selfish and look out for myself first so that I would be able to be there for others later and that`s what work for me. I went to the gym, hired a personal trainer, went to bereavement, anything and everything to get myself better in order to be strong for my kids . Then I realized that it was for me as well. Positive thoughts are sent your way so that you may find the strength to carry on.