Widows & Widowers Support Group

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loveddogs 05/29/2015

edit Can't get a death certificate Mood
Friday, May 29, 2015
Planned a lunch date with my beautiful neice today. But this morning I called the funeral home for up date on his death certificate. I was told two weeks ago that the state had rejected it because the doctor didn't fill it out right so it had to be redone. Checking on it today I was asked if I knew the reason they rejected was because a P/A had signed it not a physician. Now how on earth would I know that. I had no idea who this supposed doctor was or where he came from. Didn't know if it was one from the hospital, VA or one that hospice lined up. All I know is my husband is gone and I can't access any money until I have a death certificate. Wouldn't you think that part of medical training 101 would be that a "Doctor" has to sign a death certificate? So here I wait and of course the funeral home was supposed to make a call and get back to me. And didn't. Spoke with the manager at hospice and she was apalled and gave me a number to contact at the VA. But she also said to call the funeral home until they get it right as that is part of the service I am paying (if I ever have money) for! Lunch was a great distraction but having this hang over me is not what I need. I had to borrow money from my best friend to keep the lights, gas and phone on. And once (if ever) I get the certificate it will still be at least two weeks to access his account. My husband has been gone for 5 weeks now. He is not coming back! His ashes are on my entertainment center but I can't even begin to address any financial issues. I miss him more each day but can't lean on him to help me. Why should obtaining a piece of paper be so darn hard. These people are supposed to know what they are doing. He may just be a document or a number to them, but he was my world.

dschwartz 05/29/2015

I'm so very sorry to hear this. What a mess!! :( I, too, had to borrow money to get by, it's a horrible feeling . . but thankfully you have the friend that was able to lend it. As for the D.C. . . keep on making those phone calls!! They will get it right before too long and then you can move on with your banking, etc. I know it's frustrating, but as you said "this is your world" . . and sometimes we have to fight for our world. I'll be thinking and praying for a speedy resolution. Hugs, Dayna

loveddogs 05/29/2015

dschwartz. Thank you for your comforting words. I know it will all wash out in the end, just the frustration makes me angry. Maybe I am just in that angry stage of grief right now. I am normally a very positive person, so hopefully this too shall pass! I keep trying to remind my self how thankful I am to have had him for as long as I did. And we will be together again. Thanks to all for supporting me!

sandeestttn 05/29/2015

I had that problem also. Funeral home said state did not have a record of his death. I called the hospital where he died. They had no record of his death? I told them, they better, I already buried him! I called the Dr. He said he was "almost" sure he sent it? I had to through a fit! Finally they sent another one. I had to have it to get SS. SS couldn't find any records. They turned me down for widows benefits, said I didn't qualify.This all happened in Memphis TN. I took me 2 months, without any income. After 28 months, it is finally all behind me. Whew, Good luck with the battle. Sandee

Sara59 05/29/2015

Oh this kind of stuff makes me fighting mad. It especially irks me when the people whose job it is to do a thing, get irritated with me because I didn't remind them, or check with them, to make sure it got done right. I want to take my land line phone and strangle them with the cord. I no longer even listen to that crap. I start yelling orders and threaten that they'd better get on the ball or I'm coming down there with a club. I recently had to do that with my former garbage hauler, funny how attentive people become when you threaten to pop them. I'm sorry this happened to you. It shouldn't have.

regwin 05/29/2015

I was advised to get more than one copy of the death certificate. I did so and had them on hand as various legal issues occurred. I hope this bit of shared information will help you. Peace to you. Dolores

slimbear 05/29/2015

It's a sad observation, but I think there are many heartless business people out there who realize that people like us are weakened, and not as feisty as we ordinarily would be. And if we don't have the energy to fight for our money, they come out ahead. I got help from people to make phone calls for me. It's not over, but I doing better enough that I think I can handle things myself now.

maryelnew 05/29/2015

no, I don't think you are necessarily in the angry part of the process. It is totally inexcusable. In my state it has to be a physician in attendence at the death or the medical exaiminer if no MD present. And the MD doesn't sign until the ME has ruled if autopsy is needed. And how do I know that...because they had to wait to transport my husband to the funeral home until the physician could get away to get back to that hospital to sign. By the time the medical examiner ruled no autopsy was necessary, the attending physician had left (he told me he was leaving) but due to circumstances at another hospital could not get back until later the next day. He called and explained it all and could not apologize enough, that the transportation of the his remians had to wait. So NO your experience is not how it should work and is completely inexcusable. Shame on them and continue to direct your anger at the funeral director etc...they all deserve it.

russ1153 05/29/2015

My wife and I had jjoint accounts so I could still get access. I set one of mine up as joint with my son so he would have accss to moneyif I died.

cliffskat 05/29/2015

You might try calling the NE STate Unit on Aging to get help from their ombudsman program 1-800-942-7830.

You can also mention in your calls to doctor/funeral home that local news media might be interested in your situation. Sometimes that shakes things loose.

Hope this helps, sorry for brief reply.

Love and hugs,
Martha

Shrn 05/29/2015

This is terrible. A PA can't sign a death certificate in NYS and I thought that applied everywhere. If he passed away in a hospital, call the hospital administrator and tell them what you're being told. If he died through hospice at home, they should have a covering /overseeing physician. Totally unacceptable!

Yes, the funeral director usually does get you a copy of the certificate, but in this case there isn't one since the ball was dropped beforehand. So sorry this has been added to your burdens. Sharon

loveddogs 05/29/2015

Thank you all for your support! I have decided if I hear nothing by end of business Monday, my next call will be to my attorney! No one should have to go through this! Do we not have enough grief and anxiety to bear with out a simple thing like this causing more pain? Thank you all and hugs to all.

joannklingaman 05/29/2015

loveddogs... sorry to hear what your going through. May I ask, if your husband is a veteran. My late husband was a Veteran, and amazing all the stuff one has to go through. Please let me know if I can help you in anyway.

deleted_user 05/29/2015

I'm sorry that you're being hassled by people who are inept.

You have enough on your plate right now and don't need this added to it.

I hope that it all gets resolved for you and that you are allowed to move along in your grieving process.

Roz

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