Of course you love him and need him. That is what makes the pain of it all so great for you, and all of us here. Sometimes a day at a time is too much for us. When it is, take in smaller pieces. One hour at a time, sometimes one minute. You can do this - you have to do this. You may not realize it now, but there is something great that is in you as of yet unfulfilled. You must endure to find out what that greatness is. We are all here for you -- feeling your pain just as you feel ours. So just as we all had great love for chosen partners in life, we let that love flow to help each other. One thing we all know, we know how to love. Not much good at grieving, that we just stumble through - but we have to get through it to see what wonders await us. Keep hope alive. Keep hope alive. God's comfort and peace upon you ~ Scott

I don't have any advice to offer, as I'm in the same place as you are. For what it's worth, you're not alone in this..I pretty much live day to day, sometimes minute to minute...that's all we can do. I'm so sorry..

Jen...stop and breathe....you're having a wave of grief. Your grief is so deep because you loved him so much. We understand. You feel like just running. But you run one way and it's not right. Then you turn around and run the other way and it's still not right. You go through the daily motions and you wonder why. I know you love him so but YOU were put on this earth for YOU. During journey into this life and out of this life you're on your own. You may be surrounded by people who love you but it's still just you. Now like all of us, it's just you again. I felt like that last night. So I sat in my hubby's favorite chair and let the grief roll over me and finally pass...for now anyway. Accept it. Roll with it. Vent however you must. No one expects you to be "better" already so don't expect that of yourself either. It hurts honey. And many times you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and hide until your love comes back for you. Even my friend via text last night said to me, why don't you go out and find something fun to do. I said... Because I don't want to...at first I thought oh maybe I should do something. Then I thought NO! I don't want to so I don't have to! She said that I sounded down. I said I was. And now I realize that it's ok...I can b down. And I can want to b alone and grieve. It's my right and my choice. Today I'm thinking that I may want to go somewhere as it helped last night just to shut down a bit and morn. I'm ok alone most of the time but maybe you're not. Is there a group that you can join to interact with people in our situation? I worry about you and my heart breaks for you and I want you to know that we are all here for you. I hope today brings a brighter day for you. It is one day at a time. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. We will stumble and fall but we WILL get back up and keep moving forward. I know you can do this. You are a strong woman and you have a very special angel looking out for you, loving you and being so proud of you!
Love to you!
Darcie

Beautifully said Darcie. We do need to grieve. We are our own boss. We will get through! Hugs to you Jennifer and to all, Michele

Jen I am so sorry for your loss. My heart truly breaks for you...Learning to live as a "me" without my "he" is so hard...but each day I wake up and take a step forward...some days I dont get too far but then there are some that I am in total amazment at what I was able to accomplish. The key for me was accepting the fact that I will never erase my husband...never!! Somehow I was able to take my love for him and tuck it in my heart like gold in a treasure box. The only way for "me" to take care of my treasure box is by taking care of what holds it and that is "me". I hope that in time you too will be able to live a happy peaceful life as a "me"...quietly carrying your "he"...sending a very gentle hug your way and hope for strength on this day and every day after

I can't do this either. I miss him more than life. I feel like a prisoner of this grief and agony. I know he would want me to be happy but that is impossible without him. One day at a time, one day at a time is hard as hell. Amazed at those who have managed and maintained for years.

I feel your pain. I suddenly lost my husband a week ago today. He was only 58. He was my whole world and I miss him so much. I keep trying to be thankful for the 32 years we had together but they were not enough and I am so lost and lonely without him. I want to share this with you as as if I can believe he is near may I may somehow survive. I hope it will help you just a little.

As I sit in heaven and watch you everyday,
I try to let you know with signs I never went away.
I hear you when youre laughing, and watch you as you sleep.
I even place my arms around you to calm you as you weep.
I see you wish the days away, begging to have me home.
So I try to send you signs so you know you are not alone.
Dont feel guilty that you have life that was denied to me.
Heaven is truly beautiful, just you wait and see.
So live your life, laugh again, enjoy yourself, be free.
Then I know with every breath you take
Youll be taking one for me.
Love you from Heaven.

Knowing that others are going through this is hard for me. This all seems so unfair. I love him and miss him and keep wondering whether his loss will ever soften with time. Haven't had a real good day yet. Hope there will be one for us. Some that have lost years ago have endured yet know the pain and understand my tears. Of course, I'm not sure if I have the strength or support they have.

I know this sounds so cliche, but it's true ... one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes it's one minute at a time.

I know it seems overwhelming, but I promise it gets better.
For me the first 6-7 months were a fog. But, with time, you'll come out of the fog.
Lean on your family and friends, let them help you.
And remember, you are not alone.

Hugs,
Janie

Jennifer,

I truly feel the pain and agony that you are going through. My sincere condolences on your loss. I lost my husband of 19 years 2 months ago exactly. He was 57 and I am 54. I am grateful for the time that we had together and our children but I still cannot believe that he is gone. Please lean on the Lord, your friends and family to help you through this. It's okay to feel completely adrift, lonely and sad and in other periods, slightly hopeful. I am taking things day by day and try to keep busy and pray constantly. Those in this support group understand and know what you are going through. Please keep praying and putting one foot in front of the other - no one should expect more than that from you. Hugs to you and God Bless!

Jennifer
I am so sorry for your loss, and I do understand about him being your soul mate, how it feels to have half of your heart empty, unbelievable pain, agony, despair, fear, loneliness. I am just four months into this, and have never felt so alone or sad, and some days it seems it is all I can do is breathe, the rest of me feels paralyzed. It is something we have to go thru, one moment at a time. Come here as often as you need to because we all know what you are going thru. My motto, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, and at my pace. You can't do more than that, and no one should expect otherwise. Hugs Katrina

Thank you for all the wonderful replies, last night was the hardest I have had in awhile. I fell asleep crying. The mornings are always my strongest part of the day. I got up, made breakfast, went to work, and finally came home. I lived through this. I will live through this

I'm so sorry for all of your losses.. it truly sucks beyond compare...And when we get to the weekends on some of these hard weeks...it really hits home...I've noticed it personally and i've noticed it up here..

Friday/Saturday...very hard days for us all and it obvious why...

But its a testament to how strong our wills are that instead of just giving up, or breaking down fully, we can come up here..or talk to a friend..reach out in general, when we are feeling our lowest..


Our loved ones would not want us to think of them and feel nothing but pain and sadness...they would not want their legacy to be such that their passing destroyed the person they loved. Remember them..I know we all do..and draw strength from those memories.. I know even though they make me sad, they also get me through my days..

and be gentle on yourselves..

Dear Decheramie,
That was so beautiful and true. You are right our loved ones would not want every memory of them to cause us pain or to destroy us. We must remember the joy they gave us here and not just the pain of their leaving. Even with all this pain which is pure agony i would not give back one moment of our time together and I am thankful I was lucky enough to have him in my life.
Hugs and good thoughts,
Kathy

FIRST I am sorry for your loss.

Second: DO not beat yourself up for how you feel, its all perfectly normal. Its grief, the toughest journey you will ever go through, its hard, it sucks, and I hate it too. But 5 years later after taking the steps through it - some bad stuff, some down stuff, some ok stuff, some tough stuff, some sad stuff, some smiles and laughs and while I still feel there is more out there my choices are still to go on through it. The loneliness is still a problem but again you deal. BUT I found its ok.
I know you do not and won't believe it now but someday you will be amazed at how strong you were through it all. Its best to keep writing here and get those feelings out, do not try to suppress how you feel and work through it. SO HUGS from the PNW.