Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I used to be on here as goneforever! I lost my husband 6 years ago from head injuries do to a motorcycle accident. I suffer from depression and have since I was a child back when no one would admit it out loud. I have been trying to move on and some days I seem to be better at it than others. Bad things are going on in my life right now and for some reason it feels like I am back to the beginning of grief maybe because I have no support system and I need him so much right now. I finally found a job and it is in a head trauma center/ rest home. Doesn't help with depression but I feel like I am making some peoples lives a little better. Work is all I have right now that keeps me sane. When I was with my husband almost 40 years I was able to be happy and put what happened in my childhood away but for some reason it has all came back and I relive it every single night. DS was my one place to voice things I can not to anyone else I left and truthfully have missed it every single day. I don't know if coming back is a good idea or not. But I am missing my husband so much I don't know where to turn. My kids and friends think I should be over it and I think I should too but I just am not. With no one to talk to and health insurance with a high deductible I am just on my own. I work, I cry and I sleep and everyday I repeat. I walk and walk and take an antidepressant I am trying to move forward.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
All widowhood (and widowerhood) is hard enough without the complications of some kind of mental illness.
It sounds as if you are doing all the right things, kudos to doing the kind of work you are doing.
Only one thing to add - anti-depressants are very individual and have a habit of suddenly not working - maybe challenge your doctor to find something that works for you better?
It is difficult when things pile up on you, and it triggers depression and brings up grief again. I wonder if the job in a head trauma center is bringing up too many memories of how your husband died. As far as counseling, is there any kind of Employee Assistance Program where you are working? I utilized that at my last job and got my counseling for free that way and didn't have to worry about insurance at all that way. Just a thought.
Fish is also right about the anti-depressant - you may need to get that checked just to be on the safe side. I was prescribed one (Zoloft) and it completely backfired on me and gave me suicidal thoughts, when I knew darn well that I wasn't suicidal! You may need to have that changed.
I am sorry you have having such a bad time, but glad we could be here to welcome you back. I hope it helps.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
So now I grieve his loss and the connection he gave me. Under the burden of the past too.
What I have learned is this is a common happening with spouses with these problems. That when the spouse passes, previous conditions cascade on each other attaching to your grief. Sometimes triggering PTSD, as an accumulation of all past reasons for depression etc..
At first, I truly thought I will never survive this, but here I am. Studying the effects and causes, working a plan of escape!
Hugs of understanding.
Jewells
I am so sorry you are having such pain again. I have no great words of wisdom for you but I do really care about your pain and hurts. I think Cliffskat (Martha) has some deep insight to this and some great advice.
Please know that at any time you need to vent I am here for you. That's what friends (even electronic friends) are for.
Many hugs to you.
Darlene
Have you tried EMDR w/a certified therapist?
Or acupuncture?
The symptoms can be desensitized w/a round of treatments, then requires maintenance like going to the dentist every 3-6 months or whatever your needs are ...