Oh how I can relate! It has been 6 months and 1 week for me. And I still can't stand to be around people. The how are you question seems more polite than real. I just say as well as can be expected. But I have to say, I think it does hurt a little less at 6 months than it did at 3. I am hoping that at 9 or 12 months it will hurt even less. I have been told that you don't get over it, but you do get used to it. Best of luck to you.
Paula

I avoided my family for the longest time. I couldn't take going to my mom's and seeing Gina's empty seat. One of my sisters bought a new condo last year and I've never been there and she only lives 15 minutes away. I spend a lot of time now with people that didn't really know us to well . This way there's little connection. It works for me.

I do know how your feel. After my husband passed I got a dog. I never wanted one but he has been a big help to me. It's someone to talk to, to hug, to yell at and you have something you have to take care of. In turn they will take care of you.

I have had the grandchildren over a couple of times and both times it was for a few days. The first day it was nice to have them over, but into the second day it becomes increasingly difficult to cope with. They simply can not comprehend the emotions I am going through, although I know they are grieving. They are in the eleven to twelve age range. When they went back home I felt more comfortable being in the house, able to focus again, to cry again openly. Kids tend to question why I cry.

It's interesting how everyone finds comfort in different ways. In regards to knowjustme's post about getting a dog and how it has helped, which is great, There is no right or wrong if it works for you, this applies to us all. People keep telling me to get a dog, and this is only my view on it, and I would not push it on anyone. I tell people I dont want any pets because when they pass i know i'll cry, and i have alreadt cried enough in these almost 3 years, to last me 2 lifetimes. Like I said, this only applies to me, and I would never want to offend anyone here. Big hugs to all, and whatever works for others and can take u from this living hell, I applaude you.

I think this is a good place for all ideas to be presented, like food in a cafeteria. You can choose what you want to take and what you want to pass up on. Suggesting getting a pet is just that. A suggestion. Anyone who is an adult can choose to get on or not get one. I like to hear everyone's ideas. I often hear things I hadn't thought of before and I like that.

I heard one thing just the other day that has stuck with me. When people ask why we are so sad after years have passed even, I remember reading that our grief is because of the absence of a presence. That absence never ends, as the person we miss will never return to us here. I feel the absence of a presence every day. The most precious presence, the one that made me so very happy.

I am at 5.5 months and I don't have a problem being around my family and friends, I Thank God for them everyday. I do find however, that I don't have the patience for people that I did before Mike died. And, my tolerance for opinionated people is at zero and I have no problem cutting them off when they begin to drone on. As far as seeing couples, I was leaving a Dr's appointment this morning and walked past an elderly couple going in...I immediately started to cry, thinking how we were suppose to grow old together and now won't.....I am sure we all have these feelings and moments....Hugs to all of you.....Lin

I have that problem. I don't have to "put-on"", when I am alone. I love my grandchildren. But releived when they leave, and I can wallow in my misery alone.

I have found that people do not expect us to tell them how we really feel. They want us to say we are fine even when we are not. For me not being around too many people can be refreshing.

Maggie

Im in the same time frame as you and more or less the same spot. I totally relate to what you are feeling. Most people cant handle you are still carrying around so much pain so we put up a front which is exhausting. Today I was in the backyard looking at the flower pots my wife use to love so much. The pain was overwhelming. I to have to beleive with time things get better. God bless Gerald

I take people in doses and when I feel myself losing patience, I've had my dose. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone. I'd like to think that I am a vacuum and have sucked up a great deal of hurt for a while. I really don't want to hurt people. But, family and well meaning friends can wear out their welcome with me and I'm trying to find that point when I need time to myself, before I get agitated with others. I think it would help me to take care of myself if I could identify it. I also think it is as important as sleep and eating and praying.

I've always been outgoing and very social. Being widowed changed that. I couldn't bear other people with their smiles and laughter, especially when they asked about how am I. So I spent time alone more and grew to appreciate that me time. I still like it now, after 6 years, almost. It can be harmful if in extreme, but healthy in balanced times. You have a chance to just feel, cry, think, or visit your friends on DS. I also read many books.

Take time to do what you need when you need it. Sharon

I am definatly a ball of contridiction. I am alone most of the time, I do go to places where I am not known sometimes, just a face in the crowd. But when it comes to known people, I fear the breakdown. So though I may get up and get ready, start for the door, I can't. Part is the questions, part is the functioning in a group. All the small talk and sharing accomplishments or wants of those around me. I have no toloerence of people that look at me and say you should be getting better by now. Or worse " At least you were prepared for him dying" My mind wants to say " Let me cut off you arm and see if you get over it" The strain of holding back is too much.So I stay home all dressed to go and freak, because I can't make myself do it.

I've felt this since the get go. After the umpteenth time of trying, trying, trying to be "normal", and then wanting to rip someone's throat out, I thought to myself, you know what? I'm gonna do what I want, only when I want. I just couldn't force the social thing. It's enough that I'm in front of people 60 hours a week (and have to be nice). I've changed, and in doing so, forced a change in how people react/respond to me. Yes, you can train them, lol. I take a LOT of time for myself, and with myself.

Sorry to hear of your loss! Everything hurts the missing, being alone, other couples on and on...Speaking for myself it all has gotten somewhat better. I try and keep myself busy. Its just the nights and mornings that sometimes is the worse. Thats so true when you tell people your getting better, when you just want to let out your true feelings. I think I would have people running if I ever did. lol Just giving you some humor. Oh the ups and downs we have. I do feel we do get a little closer to healing when we can express ourselves. Hugs to you!