Nicker,
When you find that way of getting things done, stettled and decided upon, please share:)

I have never been so scattered as now.
Had a day of many tears today, and thought to myself, 5 weeks, am I still supposed to cry like this? I don't want to waste life, have it thrown away, but, how can you really enjoy it now?

Wishing us all many pick me up tomorrows!

It's been nine months for me. Accomplished some stuff, loads sit waiting for me. I think some things are working in the back of my mind. Things that I thought I had worked out before are not the same now that reality is here. I am not so sure I know my own mind. If that makes sense. So slowly it goes. I want everything taken care of right now, but even I can see that it might take a while for even me to think something is done right. Oh my. Too slow. Too painful. And sad. But things are moving. It will all be ok. Prayers for us all. Fern

You are right and I agree. I find it really hard to be motivated to get any thing done around the house or anything for that matter. I am trying my hardest to be positive. We will eventually get around to it when we are good and ready. Like everyone says here on DS be kind to yourself. Its been such a trail for us our hearts are heavy. Take it one day at a time. We all have to encourage each other here on DS and little by little we will find our new purpose in life and make the adjustmensts accordingly. Hugs to you. Edie

Hi Nicker, that was me. As far as I am concerned 2011 is a throw away year (I was explaining this to a neighbor last night as we surveyed the damage from a tornado that went past the neighborhood - what else??) I am counting down the months to get it over. She mentioned since her husband died (going on 19 months), nothing seems to go right.
We are indeed kindred souls, stuck on having to make all the decisions, trying to plug holes only to see new ones pop up....we're halfway there, so hang in!

I hadn't thought of it as a "throw away year" but that is certainly how I have lived it. Each day was just one more day to get through, each week put me 2% closer to being done with the year of terrible firsts.

I work, I get the bills paid, I meet my obligations but I also struggle with decisions. I miss the back and forth that we always had deciding on everything from how to remodel a room to where to go on vacation. Now that the decisions are all mine I feel paralyzed at times, or my decisions become somewhat arbitrary.

But as I reflected passing the one year mark last week I did have things to be thankful for. I had 40 years with my soulmate, there are others that never find theirs. I have two wonderful boys who are so like their mother it's scarey at times. We built a wonderful ranch together and planned for a comfortable retirement.

And there is joy in my life again. Not like before but there are times that my heart is happy again. People that put a smile on my face and I am beginning to find purpose again, I have hope.

Hugs and best wishes to all moving through this difficult journey.

-Pete-

I am right there with you. I am so ready for this to be over. Sometimes I want to just sit in a corner and have a meltdown I get so overwhelmed.

I agree that all the time since my husband died has been wasted time. But, somehow, I have to get past that. It is so hard that the most valuable lesson I should have learned, that life is too short to waste, is exactly the lesson that I am having to put on a back burner right now. I do not have the energy or the inclination to live life to the fullest today. I hope tomorrow will be different. I hope that I emerge from this throw away year soon.

Oh gosh! There are days that are "throw away days", or at the very least I wish they were; and other days that I am so thankful for what we had, for the time we had it and I can stay focused on those positive memories. There are days I can stay focused on the things that need to be done, and days where I just want to be a missing person and not deal with anything!! I'm thinking it's all part of the valleys & hills of this journey. Such is life! For now anyway!!