Im so sorry Deb30, It seems as though the hits keep coming and it takes your breath away. Being on a down hill slide is debilitating. I do understand. Try to look at the little things. You got up today, even though you might not have wanted to, you came to DS and helped someone else, Your family loves and needs you very much. the little things you do for them means so very much to them. When I first lost my husband 3 years ago I couldn't get from my bed to the recliner with out forcing myself. I would go hours with out moving, drinking anything, or eating. The youngest of my 3 sons was still home with me (a junior in high school) I felt so worthless knowing he was hurting but I couldn't fix it. I had many try to "tough love" me into getting back to things again. Oh how I hated that. I would say to myself "don't comment on something you know nothing about" This grief thing is such a process. I have moved 3 times which was not by choice, My mom was diagnosed with Lung cancer, my kids have all started their lives and are doing well (so glad for that) but that leaves me behind. My finances are drastically different, my zest for life died with him. I was so excited to spend years with my husband enjoying the next chapter of our lives. Instead I have to re write the whole book. My husband will miss out on seeing our son's get married and we won't be taking that trip like we planned or camping that we enjoyed so much. Not to mention any upcoming grandchildren we might have. I miss him more with every passing day. Any attempt I have at moving seems to be met with 10 steps back. I am sending good thoughts your way for brighter days. Hugs.

Lisa

It is so much "Bad". More than one person should have had to bear.. I truly feel for you. Things have got to change for the better. It seems like first we get the bad , then the good. Never stop hoping for good change. You sure deserve life to bring you kindness and peace. My thoughts will be with you. Hugs, Dolores

Prayers for better days ahead for you.
Hugs
Judy

I too have experienced what is referred to as "bad", but without the bad, we can't know and appreciate the good. Don't get me wrong, I wonder why I get out of bed in the morning, I pray at night not to wake up in the morning, as I would rather be with my baby, mother, father, son-in-law and most of all my husband who died just a few months ago, but then I think back to when our baby died and a part of me died when he died.

I thought that would be the worst event to ever happen to me, to us. We cried, my husband I, we held each other and we tried to console one another even though our loss paralyzed us. But had our baby not died, if not for the Grace of God, we had experienced that loss together, I may not have become the nurse I am today.

I became a nurse because I wanted to give back to the single nurse who came into my room, who wasn't afraid to sit with me during the worst thing that I had yet experienced. She gave me a gift that night that I didn't know would be the gift of a lifetime of loving and giving to others. I went to school a few years later because I couldn't forget the kindness she offered me and I felt I wanted to give that gift to others.

Without the loss of our son, I probably would never have gone to nursing school, and would never have touched the many lives I have been honored to journey with in their most intimate and fragile times. I believe I been trusted to be part of many of my patients journey through life, and I hope that I have helped them grieve and say goodbye.

It may all seem bad, but we don't know the gift that may some day come from the "bad", be open to it. You may not know while on this earth, but someday......someday, you might know.

Having said all that, grieving is hard, I'm not good at it myself and would give anything to have one more evening in the arms of my husband, just one more hug, kiss, one more moment. Hang in there.

I am so sorry that so many bad things have happened to you.I don't know if this will help you, but when so much bad happened to me , I got tunnel vision and it was hard to realize that bad happens to so many others too and that it is a sad part of being human.
For me it was looking for my wife who was late coming home from church and coming upon rescue workers looking into an overturned car in a water filled ditch and realizing it was her car. Watching her body being recovered, telling the kids that their mom was dead, the nightmare goes on and on.
Eventually I was able to get some perspective and realize that I was not that special when it came to bad things. I thought of people who had suffered through war, losing whole families. People who had lost children, you name it.
Another thing that helped me was reading the parable of" Bhudda and Kisa Gotami". I am not a Bhuddist but there is much wisdom in this story about a young woman who was promised her dead son would be restored to life if she could gather mustard seeds from houses that had not been touched by death.
I hope with time you begin to get out of the tunnel it does happen, it just seems to take forever. In the meantime go through the motions of living while waiting for actually being alive again to catch up.

Deb, it's all bad. Holds true for all of us at first. Bad. Bad. Bad. Worst things that will ever happen to any of us because it all concerns those we love way more than ourselves. But trust me, at some point your focus will turn to all the good. Good. Good. Good. And your thoughts will bring a smile instead of tears to your face. Believe it or not, your broken heart is mending. It will have some permanent scars, but I believe that scar tissue makes us stronger than before. So keep venting and keep on keeping on. Scott

It does seem bad bad bad things happen all at once. My granddaughter was diagnosed with leukemia, one week later my husband with pancreatic cancer. Many many bad dark days for my family. My husband died after 9 months, but my granddaughter is a leukemia survivor and thriving. I pray for your family and pray you have support of family and friends to lean on, vent to, hold you up when you can't even face another day. There will be light at the end of the tunnel even though today it doesn't appear so. Pray you find some healing for your broken heart and bad days turn into good days.